Hey guys. This post doesn't really have a main point, i just feel like i need to talk.
my depression is really bad right now. i just feel so horrible. i want to stay by myself all the time, i cant cope with social situatons and fake personalities. i'm no fun to be around. there's always someone better. i feel like nothing is going right for me. One of my best friends of 5 years doesn't even want to speak to me anymore because i fell out with him because he said hed be there for me and he wasn't, and anytime i see him i just feel like crying. I keep making excuses to leave classes and break/lunch, like i need to go to the GA's or the toilet, so i can be alone in a cubicle. i just feel so lonely. none of my friends get it, and i just dont want to be here anymore. i know in previous posts ive seemed relatively posative and wanted to get treatment (i've still yet to go to the doctors, there was complications with my mum) but i just dont see a way out. i dont care about anything anymore. i just hate everything because im scared of everything. i know im only a teenager, but my life is so bad. i apologise to everyone for everything, and i still get nowhere. i apologise for things that arent even my fault. i give out compliments, im nice to most people, yet no one really pays any attention to me. I wish someone would realise im living in hell. i always feel so tired, and im always in a state of derealization these days. its difficult to understand anything hen you dont even understand why youre not a plant, or something. Im sorry if im rambling on, i just need to vent i suppose.
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Robyn_xy
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Vent away. It's hard being a teen, at least it was when I was one. But you do get through it somehow. You do have to talk to your doctor though, as s/he will enable you to get professional help. Yes, you can talk here, but as far as I'm aware, the members here are all sufferers and not medically trained. Members with more experience will give you good guidance and advice x
Hello Robyn, it's difficult if most or all people you know don't know what you are on about or how you are feeling, most might not truly understand especially at a younger age. The advice for seeing the doctor is the best route from there hopefully things can be understood and can be directed to the best course of help.
I've done that before; going to the toilet to think things through and then feeling bad because felt shouldn't be there and felt it was abnormal. And I used to be the kind of person to always compliment others and help others too.
Hi Robyn, sorry you are back under that black cloud, it really would help you to have someone close to talk to, like a good councillor which you can get through your doctor.
It is however so lovely that you are here and we all want to support you as well. When you are feeling so down it’s very difficult to even know what you want in your life at the moment? Sometimes it’s good not to think too far ahead but just a little way, as in what you would really like to do today, tomorrow, next week? Little positive things that are achievable and will remind you of your own inner strength in doing them.
Are there subjects you like more than others at school? Something you can put your passion into, you have it, sometimes your mind deceives you that you don’t feel like you do, but passion is a human trait we all share, it can come out in writing, drawing, sports anything really.
When things are feeling so bleak you forget what you do like doing and sometimes need a little nudge in that direction, when you remember what you like doing, pore your heart and soul into it! If you like art say, just focus on what your are working on, same if you are reading or writing something. It is hard at first, but you will find bit by bit the focus goes on that with concentration and gradually the fact that life sucks sometimes goes more to the background.
Yes it is very difficult when social fear comes about, which is why speaking with even school councillors can help, they can talk things over with you to find the best way to help you cope at school so that you are not so alienated and can feel more comfortable.
I remember the famous boxer Mohammed Ally once saying his passion was to be his best, and he didn’t care so much what he did in life, if he had been a dustbin man instead of a famous boxer, he sure was going to be the best bustbin man there was! And this gave him strength and made him happy.
You can’t control any of your friends around you, only who you are, and you are a very special person because you are a human being with lots of passion a lot of which you haven’t even discovered yet, but it’s just waiting there for when you feel ready.
Sometimes when your down those closest to you seem as they don’t care, but quite often they are scared inside and just don’t know how to react, how to help, they end up feeling inadequate themselves because of feelings of helplessness and run in the opposite direction. Yes all of this is no good at all to you I know, but it’s very hard for you to actually know what any of them are feeling, so never punish yourself for thinking it’s your fault or that your driving them away, with a little help you could find they haven’t gone anywhere and are just waiting for a way to be back in your life in a way they can relate to you.
When something does go well, make sure you write it down somewhere so you can remind yourself.
Lots of hugs to you Robyn, you do have the strength to overcome this and stand tall like the lovely young person you are xxxx
hope your vent helped even a little. It's tough to feel like you have to be in a place you don't want to be in, and when you can't see through the mess to the end. I recognise quite a bit of what you're saying from myself - it feels easier to just stay by yourself, especially when your confidence can be easily bruised by those around you.
I don't want to make this about me - but just to show that you're not alone: I'm 26, and I spent the afternoon/evening alternately crying and hating myself, wanting to punch things and calling myself useless and pathetic. I was trying to fill in an application form for a job (which I did eventually complete and send off) but my depression got a hold of me and I decided that my friends and former colleagues were better off without me and were fed up of me going on about being sad. It just spirals out of control, but you have to remember that that is not who you are - just the way you feel. As Monib says, try and make a note of when things go well - that can help you remember.
I am the worst for not going to the doctor, but you should at least try it - it might work for you and at least you will feel like you have taken a step towards getting through this.
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