Please Help....Desperate!!!!!!!

[LittleSunshine79]

I've hit a real bad low and just crying constant, I have no one to talk to, single mum and never felt this before but feel like hurting myself as I hate myself so much.........

[Hidden]

I'm sorry to hear this. What has caused you to feel so low? Please don't feel as though you are alone. You made a positive step in coming on to this community.=) Why do you hate yourself? I may not be able to provide advice but I'm a good listener.

[LittleSunshine79]

I have been depressed before but different this time, I have children and split with a partner beginning of the year. Had counselling the other week where she said she felt I was a victim of years of domestic abuse from him. I've been trying to deal with it and a friend helped me so far but he had his own issues and had to cut contact with me so have been trying to get through it on my own.

[Photogeek in reply to LittleSunshine79]

Maybe you need to go back to your GP and get help .

Were you the victim of domestic abuse ? If so you could try and get some

Support to talk over this. Are your children living with you? Maybe your

Friend got burned out with your problems, as it is a lot to cope with.

It's better to get that support from therapy or Counselling, have you

Any family or friends who you could talk to? If you are getting Counselling and on Meds, and you feel like this, then I think your Dr. Should be your

Next port of call.

We are here for support so you need not feel alone, we are all

Alone in our own way , but you will cope better if you get help.

Hannah

[Hidden in reply to LittleSunshine79]

I'm so sorry that you are feeling really low because of this. I really do hope that the counselling is helping you and if you feel as though it is not, then try to see if you can find someone who will be able to fit you. It sounds like being in an abusive relationship has really impacted your self esteem, and I am so sorry that you have had to deal with that type of relationship. I really hope that, when you are better, that you find someone who can truly appreciate you and give you the love and support that you deserve.

I think you've made a positive step in receiving help. Many women and men who have been in abusive relationships do not have the courage to seek help. So this shows a lot of strength in you, which I hope that you can see.

As for your friend, sometimes its hard for people to be able to juggle their issues and other peoples. I don't think your friend wanted to cut contact with you but I am surre he wanted to help you but felt that he could not do it effectively whilst he was dealing with his own.

Although you may feel alone, you aren't alone. You are receiving support and you have made another positive step in coming to this community where other people will be able to also support and listen to you. I do really hope that you feel a little better soon. And I hope that the counselling is working for you.

Best wishes, Kat.

[Suzie40]

Counseling can actually make you feel worse at first, in fact it's when you hit rock bottom that the best progress is made. Being a single mum is such hard work, without the added pressure of being depressed too. Please don't hurt yourself; there are other options, and chatting to us is just one one of them xx

[LittleSunshine79]

yes i hit rock bottom in May time and have been trying to get counselling on the NHS but still waiting. Dr started me on 50mg of Sertraline and upped it to 100mg after four weeks due to the anxiety and shaking plus depression, I have been on that dose now for four weeks. He suggested upping it again but feel I can't handle the side effects of going up a dose yet. I went off my own back to meet a private councilor last week but it is expensive and can't afford it. I agreed to see her every two weeks.

I was and am the victim of the abuse. I feel awful saying this as I am ashamed I let him do this to me. When I look back all the warning signs were there. I split with him as couldn't take no more. However when I hit rock bottom in May I had no one to turn to and he is the childrens father, I couldn't look after them and need the support. Anyway he helped me yes but in return carried on manipulating me in a clever way to a degree. I told him this week it has to stop and there is no chance we are getting back together but I feel so bad for doing it. I feel sorry for him as he has nothing even though he has destroyed me. How messed up is that. But I am a very kind, caring person and it seems naive. He blames me for splitting the family up and its my fault as I wont try again.

Now my friend has gone I feel even more vulnerable, he helped me and gave me strength, guidance, someone to talk to, made me feel happy. Like you said I'm hoping its because he cant help me rather than anything else.

I have no one to talk to and find it hard to trust people too. A lot of people just see a front.

[wallflower_fairy in reply to LittleSunshine79]

Hi LittleSunshine,

I'm sorry you're suffering so much at the moment. Are there no family members you could turn to for support at the moment? If you don't have any commitments in the area you live, you could perhaps ask to move in with an older, caring relative if this is possible and they might be able to give you practical help.

Secondly LittleSunshine you shouldn't feel ashamed that you were in an abusive relationship, abuse of some degree affects 1 in 3 women globally, so you are definitely not alone. In fact something happened to me that my counsellor deemed as abuse. I am still getting over it and sometimes still struggle to come to terms with it. But I don't blame myself in the way I used to. You see the good in people - which is human nature and it's a really good trait to have, one people highly value, and it shows your a good person yourself. You say you saw the signs on reflection, but it's easy to say that about anything when we look back. I don't think you saw it at the time because your feelings clouded your judgement, or you choose to overlook it because you wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt that he was better than that. Every abusive relationship is unique and complex in it's own right so can't be compared to another one, which is why even if we think we're spotting the signs we can put it down to other reasons that don't apply in, say, a soap storyline. My excuse always was, I've known him since he was 13 and he's always been a good friend to me, he can't possibly want to use me. But he'd changed, simple as that. It's only when we look back at signs one after the other that we can see it for what it was, but at the time of happening, you're in the moment and probably treat each little thing as an isolated incident. Even if you eventually did realise what was happening when you were in an abusive relationship he would have made you feel so low by then that you would think it's all you deserved. When someone we love criticises us, we're more likely to take it to heart and believe it's true.

Just imagine that it wasn't you who was in this situation, but someone else, a friend of yours. You wouldn't judge them or blame them - you would be compassionate and soothing towards them. So why pass judgement on yourself? If you would forgive anyone else, why not forgive yourself?

I know you say you feel sorry for him, it's probably the case that a lot of people who abuse have issues of their own. But you've done all you can for him by being there for him, you have to think to yourself, you're sorry this person is suffering and you want to help them, but they're hurting you so much, you can't do it anymore and need to concentrate on looking after yourself. Wish him the best, tell him tactfully that needs professional help if he wants a better life - but you aren't in a position to give it to him (you could mention what I say above).

Is there no way you can stay in touch with the friend who moved away? Maybe a telephone call every other evening? Or a Skype chat?

Don't be afraid to keep posting in the meantime while you wait for counselling. I hope you get it soon. You're safe here. If you need to talk to someone more directly you could also try the Samaritans. They're available 24/7 and are there for anyone going through a hard time.

08457 90 90 90 is there UK landline. They also have all branches over the country so you may be able to speak to them face to face if you find one near you. Just type into a search engine and you'll find all the relevant pages.

Gentle hugs,

wanderingwallflower xx