Please help - possible relationship breakdown :(

[les82]

After months of me feeling really low at times things have came to a head and my fiance is talking about leaving. Hes really struggling with my low moods as we always end up arguing as we are two fiery buggers. Do i allow him to leave and perhaps have a better life with someone else or do i stick in knowing that i'm making him unhappy? Please help!! X

[Hidden]

Do you allow him to leave? He will choose that by himself. Perhaps you need to think about what you want and why you feel you are making him unhappy, if you are then perhaps you do not love him? x

[les82]

I'm not intentionally hurting him, when i go down and feel low i clam up and go into myself and he struggles with that. Think hes reached the end of his tether x

[bepete in reply to les82]

When I get low I too clam up and turn inwards so I know what you mean, I also know how it feels when a relationship ends because of it .

I would first put your cards on the table with your boyfriend and explain why you struggle, if he's really come to the end of his tether he will have to tell you, and then you can move forward.

I wish you luck.

pete

[les82]

Its so hard. Sometimes i wake up and feel down for no reason. Just managed to get an appt at the doctors to see bout changing my meds back to sertraline. I'm reluctantly giving up breastfeeding my 10 week old son to do this but needs must. Thanks for the advice x

[Hidden]

Hi

I feel really sad when I read that you have a 10 week old son who you are breastfeeding and are giving that up in order to go onto meds, especially as your fiancé is thinking of leaving you at such a sensitive time! Having a new baby is a difficult time for anyone and even the most stable relationship will need time to adjust to the new roles as parents. Are you sure you and not both struggling with that? You may find you can continue breastfeeding which is good for your baby and good for your relationship with him if you and your fiancé can talk about what is like for you both becoming parents as that may help you to focus upon the issues rather than exploding in a fiery way. You may need help to do that and your GP could refer you for counselling, alternately you could see someone from Relate who charge according to income.

Suex

[les82]

Thanks for the reply Sue. We already go to couple counselling once a fortnight, i find it hard to speak though so i think my fiance gets more from it than me. It is good to get asked questions from the counsellor as we have to answer her. I'm on amitriptyline as it was the tablet that was safest during pregnancy. I was on the sertraline before i fell pregnant and i really felt an improvement in my mood. I have an appt at the docs today and i'll ask her what she suggests. Also, my appointment with a psychologist cant come quick enough. However, i am aware that i could wait for a long period of time before one comes up. I am also awaiting an appointment with cruse bereavement so i am putting the steps into place but i just feel powerless when that dark cloud hits. How does everyone else deal with it. I am a strong character with other things but depression has the ability to absolutely cripple me. I hate it! X

[Binky1 in reply to les82]

Hi Lesley

Oh you have so many things all pulling you in different directions so no wonder you're feeling stressed and down & no wonder you feel like hiding away

Your hormones will be all over the place & you possibly have post natal depression to add to the mix

I'm reading that you become withdrawn & go into yourself .. just wondering if maybe you could write how you're feeling down on paper as a way to express yourself if you find it hard to talk about it all & let your fiancé read it?

You have so many difficulties to deal with just now & a new baby, I've been through similar myself so I know how exhausting it is

I am also a very strong person & have dealt with a whole load of s... since childhood but this black cloud beats me at every single turn & just keeps me in a very dark & lonely place

Lesley x

[les82]

Poor you life can seem so dark for us at times. Wish i could wave a magic wand and make us all better. I need to get better for my own sanity and for my family. They deserve a mum/fiancee, sister and daughter that lives life to the full, not one who is existing. I just want to feel happy again, its not too much to ask is it? i'll let u know how my doc appt goes. Thank you for your reply x

[Binky1 in reply to les82]

It certainly isn't too much to ask for just to be able to function without all of this stress & blackness

But remember that you are the one who deserves it most of all & then everyone else falls into place if you are happy

Good luck at docs & I'll hear how it goes

Hugs

Lesley x

[Photogeek]

Hi Les so sorry that you are feeling so bad. You have a lot to cope with At the

Moment. A young baby. It's certInly not the best time for your partner to talk about

Leaving ? If you know your fiery and that it's causing problems, you will hAve make real effort to

Resolve this , as whether you stay together with your partner , you will need to curb

This fiery element or you will have problems later on.

You say you are going to therapy, so really there is not much else that you can do.

How was your relationship before the baby!?

It does seem that your Meds Are not working for you, so you might have to change.

I hope things improve for you as it must be hard to feel under such pressure. Do you have any help with baby to give you a break.

Hugs

Hannah

[les82]

Went to the docs and she's took me off the amitriptyline and i am now back on sertraline as of 2moro. She is seeing me in a month and says not to expect instant results. I'm worried about my sleep tho as the amitriptyline allowed me to have a great sleep but we'll see how it goes. I broke down in the docs x

[Binky1 in reply to les82]

You've made the first step and seen the doctor & admitted you need some help

Try not to worry too much about not being able to sleep & if it happens contact GP again and explain

I'm not surprised you broke down at the doctors as you will have a lot of stored emotions but that's a release for you & that is a good thing although it's upsetting at the time

Hope you're ok now though I bet your drained

Thinking of you & sending hugs your way

Lesley xx

[WantToChange]

Hi, I know how you feel about the depression crippling you emotionally. It can convince you that you are weak. My boyfriend has suffered from depression in his previous relationships and I am worried that it will come back. Not over the top worried because he seems happy with me now. And he is making me happy. But right now we are still in the honeymoon phase and things always change in a relationship after this time. Only time will tell.

But I suppose this is the opposite way around from your situation. He has been badly depressed in the past whereas I suffer from anxiety more so than depression, even though I have situational depression in the past as well. All I know is that I will do everything I can to help him if his depression does come back. I can be strong for other people when they need me, but I'm just rarely strong for myself and say stupid things and let my anger out.

I think some people can be strong for a while and then give up because they are unhappy. One thing is for sure, he has stayed with you this long, and that tells me he loves you. He just can't cope with your low moods. Think of it from his point of view, it is hard for him to see the woman he loves struggling so much and he will be feeling like there is nothing he can do to help. And that's just it, he can't fix it.

Also, you said the word "allow". I know it's so hard to let him go. But if he wants to leave, do you really have any say in the matter? If you know deep down that you are making him unhappy then it would be best to let him go. Who knows, your depression may get better in the future and you may get back together. If it's meant to be, then it will be and nothing will stop you. Giving him a bit of space may even allow him time to think and miss you. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. That's a huge risk I know, but it has worked many times. I know many couples who have felt they made a mistake and gotten back together (myself included).

I'm not entirely sure what I'd do here. Besides tell you that you need to let him go if it's what truly he wants. Maybe you should have a talk about it with him? Ask him why exactly he wants to leave. Catch him in the right moment though, when he clear minded and not stressing over something, only then can you be both be honest and heart felt. Remember, it takes two to have an argument so if the heat rises just lower voice so it is softer and maybe pause for a bit. If you want to find out exactly why he wants to leave you need to keep control. You may find the root of his unhappiness is something that can actually be fixed.

Best of luck xx

[wallflower_fairy in reply to WantToChange]

I think this is a really helpful reply. x

[WantToChange in reply to wallflower_fairy]

Thank you. I hope it helped you. It's always difficult when it comes to relationships and it's always hard no matter how deep in it we are. Everyone has to go through this at some point. I hope you decide what is best x

[les82]

Thank you for the advice ladies. We r okay the now. Think he is giving me time to see if my medication will work as i'd hate for him to leave and then for me to suddenly feel better (heres hoping that i do). He loves me so much but i know that he isnt happy at this present moment. Fingers crossed things pick up x

[Photogeek in reply to les82]

Les that's great news that your boyfriend is going to wait and see. Depression is an illness and don't blame yourself, just do your best and try and be kind to yourself too, a relationship , I think, should be in sickness and in health and for better or worse. No one wants to be ill, so I hope your partner appreciates this.

Hannah