Stuck in an unhappy relationship

[Chloemarshy]

Hi all, I'm very very unhappy within my relationship. We have a 1 year old together and we have recently just moved in together. He's name calling, angry, tells me no one will ever want me now, telling me I'm a bum and a low life loser for working part time to spend more time with my son. Tells me constantly how much his family hate me and I won't be missed when he gets rid of me. Tells me how happy and how easy his life would be without me in it anymore so he can do what he wants. He's constantly saying how much he can do what he wants and he doesn't care what I say or think that I just need to keep my mouth shut because it never ends well because he loses his temper whenever I mention anything he doesn't like. He's always telling me other women are always catching his eye and I just need to get on with it or leave if I don't like the fact he stares at other women when I'm walking with him. He makes me feel like it doesn't matter to him if I'm in a relationship with him or not, well he's said it himself in the past. He says things to hurt me at the time, and when I bring it up at a later date he loses his temper telling me to stop fixating on the past. I need to leave, I really do I just can't, I think I love him, but how can I love someone I hate so much?

[Hponme]

Hi darling. Ask yourself this question- if life is so peachy without you then why hasn't he gone ? I'm no doctor sweets but he sounds like he has the mental health issue not you. You stay because of your child I know-I'm in a similar situation. It's difficult but I've talked things over with my family and they are very supportive. See if you can do the same love. I'm leaving him. He still thinks he can win me round but the answer is no. I have to think of my children and my own health too. Good luck and take care xxx

[NFDK]

This is honestly one of the worst cases of abuse I have encountered in a long time. I feel so heart-broken for you. It's only my advice - and I know how hard it is to leave a relationship - but get a good, sympathetic lawyer. NO-ONE deserves to be treated they way he is treating you. He will never find anyone after you. Please stop believing him x

[marigold22]

I am 65 years old and was trapped in an extremely unhappy marriage. I too had a son. Children and even babies pick up bad vibes in the environment. I had thought I could take all the abuse so that my son could be with his father. But it affected my emotional, mental and physical health, and my son became withdrawn. Men who behave like that have a personality disorder, are jealous, insecure, controlling. I’m much older and wiser now and know that I made the right choice to leave, although it was difficult. Your baby is only one year old, he will adjust very quickly at that age if you leave. He doesn’t need shouting, yelling, crying around him. Do you have supportive family & friends? You need to make a secret plan to leave. If you really have nowhere to go, there are womens refuges (Womens Aid) all over the UK. They are trained to help you, and won’t make you leave until you have somewhere safe to live. Phone number 0808 2000 247. You can’t continue like this. Good luck x

[Hidden]

Chloe

Very nasty, it sounds like He is a control freak and if you stay it will just become worse and nasty with it.

Sad to say I would advise Marriage Guidance although in cases like this it will be very difficult to actually turn this relationship around. Your problem is your partners raw fears, and His habit of taking those out on you.

You have a child, and you need to protect that during His informative years.

If you cannot work out what brought all this on I feel the relationship is over, His attitude may become worse and eventually He may strike out.

Verbal abuse can be more subtle than Physical abuse and it can be very draining, you need help so the relationship seems to be over.

In the UK there are groups that deal with this sort of thing and give support and advice.

You could discuss your situation with the Police if you feel in any way at risk.

Try getting you both to see your GP together, if that is not possible sorry to say you have obligations you need to move on.

See a Solicitor for a initial meeting and so what is suggested, and move on. The child is the most important thing in this problem and you may need to start a new life

BOB

[Hidden]

Hi feelings don't die so easily so even if you still love him you must leave him. Eventually you will start to hate him instead and your life will be even more difficult.

If it helps, he clearly doesn't love you and is just using you as he own personal verbal punchbag. What a loser! And what messages do you think your child is picking up?

Get out asap. Get help from family and loved ones if you can, but leave. Sometimes it's better the devil we know, but he clearly is the devil and will end up destroying your self esteem. Get out while you still can.

[Princess21x]

sweetheart thats broken my heart , don't worry as your beautiful princess and pleasure to have around and what he is doing emotional and verbal abuse honey so he needs to get help with his mental side of things really so basically you need speak to a close family members so you can go there to stay over and relax when his like things i don't want him todo anything more with a would say thats check out this place please lighthouse women's group online lighthousewa.org.uk , this will help you out as they helped me understand the abuse i under its in the past its effects like my mother was in the same place as you like i totally understand cause i grow up around like when haven't got as much support though i hope this helps you .

[Findingme]

How can you love him? That one is easy to answer. We fall in love with someone when they are behaving at their best. We form a bond with this person emotionally and hormonally. If we accept they are not who we fell in love with it hurts us, as it undermines our faith in ourselves. We might feel frightened about the consequences, of being alone. We feel foolish and prefer to believe that it is something we have done, because then we have the power to change and to make it all right again. But guess what. We are fallible. No-one gets it right all the time. What matter is not the fact we made a mistalke, but how quickly we can accept the fact and do what we need to do to sort it out.

Disney has a lot to answer for telling us that if we stick it out then maybe he will metamorph back into the guy you thought he was, but life is not like that very often. If someone is treating you as badly as this then it is time to act and do not feel bad about it. Maybe in the future you will build a more respectful relationship with him as co-parents, but that cannot happen as long as you allow him to disrespect you like this.

If you decide what you need to do is leave then I hope you get the help you need, and work out a better future for yourself. I hope he gets help too as he definitely needs it if he is ever to be a good dad.

[Forester8]

Lovely lady.

I won't pretend i understand how it is to have a child but abusive husband I m fully aware.

I was with him for 4 years and we married young as my visa ran out and it was the only way to stay together. Things than changed and I was receiving emotional and sometimes physical abuse. I did love him but I also decided I m not gonna be a victim. Left him before I even got my passport as I couldn't stand it any more.i was very lucky as his family stood by me and took my side, they knew what kind of son they had.

Not saying u r in the same boat but anyone who puts u down and emotionally torments u does not deserve u.

Looks like he has some issues on his own and takes it out on u.

Think about your child and most of all your future happiness. U said u think u love him, I believe u don't! Personally i think it is the fear that is stopping u plus the damage he has inflicted via his awful words towards u. He keeps on abusing the words that u won't be loved by anyone and that's why u feel so low.

I really wish u the best of luck and just remember we are all here if you need anything. Also remember that his damage shouldnt reflect on u. U cannot help him if he doesn't see it himself. U will do him a favour if u left him as that might just help him reilise his own problems.

I m not an expert but can only share my experiences with u. Trully sympathise and hope things work out for u.

Mx

[RawRaw]

Hi chloemarshy,

We all know how much our mental state is so much important as same as our physical state. There is a saying which is "kill your darlings" I don't know if you know what it means, In your case it means to stay away from what hurts you. When any human being gets hurt... so much hurt , it affects their state later.. i mean they became victims and also criminals, criminals here i mean that "they will become who hurt them". You love him.. ok but he keeps hurting you. If you leave sure it will hurt but not as much as the way he hurt you. And one more important thing.. your condition is similar to my mother's condition. Father was a cheater and before he cheated he used to tell her bad words always. Like how your partner does. She stopped loving him. She hated him so much. They divorced..

I wish mother could have met a therapist after that... she became a victim and a criminal... now she hurts me always and hurts brother too.

I am not talking about myself now but i wanna say that you should care about your mental state and your child's life. After leaving him you can go to a therapist... become better for yourself. And for your child too.

I hope you understand me and I hope I could help you.

Best wishes.