Morning all

[Binky1]

I've been wondering a lot recently how we are able to treat other people with such love, compassion, concern, respect and kindness but we are unable to do this to our own selves

Childhood abuse & trauma from life has led us to think so little of ourselves but who says we have to believe these awful people who have inflicted such pain on us??

Who says their opinion of us is correct & justified??

Because it isn't ... it is so far from the truth and reality ...

Start treating yourself with love, care and respect .... you are worth it

I hope you all have a good day

Love and Hugs

[Stilltrying_]

Really good post Lesley and I completely agree with you. This is one of the things I always wondered about myself. I was very able to treat others with compassion and sensitivity but was so hard on myself. I think it can come from feeling "bad" when we don't get our needs met as a child. It is an illogical way of thinking for an adult but for a child if they are dependent on someone ie their parents rather than thinking our parents cannot look after us we tend to think that we are "bad" in some way and that can become very ingrained in our self esteem.

It can take a really really long time to even start to pick holes in this idea about ourselves as we are so used to feeling like that.

I am working on being gentle and kind and more tolerant to the "child" part of me who is struggling quite badly but through no fault of my own. This part of me tends to be a "worryguts" and also insecure and frightened, infact terrified at times. I have always felt this is the part of me that has "held me back" and I had hated her and wished I could get rid of her as I saw her as my weakness . But I am working on being nicer to myself about it and talking to that part of me in a nice way. (It helps me to see that part of me as a seperate entity even though it isn't ; really it is "just" my emotional self.

I really love the poster Lesley. Also I have read a good book . It is called "The compassionate mind" by Paul Gilbert and it has helped me a lot.

Gemmalouise X

[Binky1 in reply to Stilltrying_]

I agree Gemmalouise

I was blamed for absolutely everything as a child by my father .. if it rained it was my fault .. if he was in a foul mood you bet it was my fault. He was jealous that I was born and to his mind I took my mums attention away from him so he bullied me, belittled me & controlled me

He starved me, used to belt me & threw me downstairs when I accepted a sweet from someone

Nowadays I wouldn't see him in my way for anything ... but sadly he has left me with a legacy of insecurity which in not sure will ever leave me it's so ingrained into my very soul

You keep up the good work Gemma and continue to be gentle on yourself as you deserve it

Lesley x

[Hidden]

I agree absolutely. I have found that I was only able to begin to love myself when I discovered someone else knew me and loved me. x

[Binky1 in reply to Hidden]

Yes we seem to need this confirmation from someone else as we can't seem to see it in ourselves although I know at some level we know we are good people but mud sticks unfortunately

It's good to hear that you have found love, that's what I'm looking for now but haven't found it yet

X

[Hidden in reply to Binky1]

I am sorry to hear you have not found love. When I say that I have found love I mean that I found the trustworthy care of a therapist and that enabled me to recognise care when other people offered it, also to be less angry and more caring myself. Just thought I would clarify. I am married and love my husband, and know he loves me, but life is far from ideal - but then there is no such thing as perfection. I put an ad in the newspaper that I read whenever I do read one (which isn't very often!), was totally honest in the advert and met my husband that way. It may be worth a go. The important thing is to be honest and open and not hide behind any pretence otherwise people will think you are one person when you are really another. Suexx

[Photogeek]

Love that poster Lesley , you are so thoughtful to take the time to post this.

Hugs

Hannah x

[Binky1 in reply to Photogeek]

Aww Hannah it's the least I can do

Hope you are well today?

Big Hugs

Lesley xx

[kerri7]

Yes we take on our parent's shit inevitably. As did they. It wasn't until about the last 5 years I could really begin to see how it affected my life, my beliefs, attitudes, decisions, etc. In process of dropping all the layers of shit that got piled on top of the real me. So very painful but I'm beginning to see I am not who I was taught or believed. Most of it came from one man's sick mind. Once you can clear some of this trash out and swap it for truth there is some space there to create for yourself the foundation that was never built. My values, motives, all changed and changing. And for me not being real good with change it's very traumatic and scary there has been tons of depression shit and anxiety. But at least now I have hope that I am beginning to be the person I always was, just never knew.