why can I be such a B****? I turn into the devil......whithout wanting to.....

[Hidden]

Hello

Welcome to our site, we all do things that we do not want to do, we have too try and keep calm,cool and collected.

At this moment in time we know little about you so it is hard for anyone to give support that your condition may require

Good Luck

BOB

[Sapphire3]

If you add a little context I may be able to shed light on it as it sounds like what I'm suffering from. But as BOB says, I don't know enough to be sure. I'd really like to help if you reply? As I know I feel particularly alone and misunderstood with my condition. If you have a similar thing, you may also feel alone and misunderstood? Best wishes x

[Hidden in reply to Sapphire3]

to elaborate on my situation......i have been depressed since i was a teenager. i am now 42. my self esteem is very low. i am very paranoid. if something goes wrong in any situation, i immediatly worry what I did wrong. I have been in a Relationship now for 11 months. he is an angel to me, very understanding of my illness. he has two kids, 7 and 10, and just can't get close to them. they are good kids. i just can't find it in me to feel anything for them. i even feel hatred at times!

[Jeffju]

Hi there,

Welcome. You may have o give us a little more information so that we can help.

I know I used to feel 'evil' in,( my far off), pre-menstrual days. Is it anything to do with tha?? Julie xx

[Gambit62]

Have you had any therapy for the low self esteem? Would recommend that.

May be some family counselling might help (eg RELATE?) - would allow you to explain what you are feeling and have your children and your partner respond and talk about any feelings they are having in a mediated environment - trying to do it on your own is probably going to be too difficult as these are the sort of things that it is very difficult to communicate properly and having someone else there to explain what was really meant can help.

Sounds to me as if you feel threatened by your partners children as you may feel that his affection for them means he has less for them.

One thing you could try is, even though you obviously don't feel like doing it, doing something nice for them and even closing your eyes and just wishing them happiness. Sometimes if you try changing what you do it can help with changing the way you think as well.

[Hidden]

Hello

When we start a new relationship we can enter into baggage that we need to confront, for example a ready made family. Getting your feelings to accept these changes can take a long time and the whole problem may be discussed with your partner and Talked Out, to both of your benefit.

Remember I do not know the situation that you are in, the children could be a little resentful of loosing one of their family, you are basically trying to provide support to them with little help and your partner may not realize what is going on.

Do you have any children of your own, this also can form a further dynamic and can lead you down a complicated track.

You are now in your 40s so if you have not had children it must be one big shot to the system.

If you are suffering a mental illness on top of all that is going on and having feelings of Paranoia, you must be treading up the wall.

Have words with your GP,explain what is going on in your life, take a longer appointment and see if you can have some support to get you ..this learning period, I am not a GP so all I am able to do is give suport and understanding.

It seems you have understanding partner, so you hopefully are starting from a period of strength in a steady relationship

All the very best, talk to your GP and you will always find someone to chat to here

BOB

[bonny65]

this happens t o me too,like being two different people,i was sexually abused aged 5,if anything bad has happened to you let it out by having counciling like me ,you need help whatever the reason i feel,speak to your doctor how you feel i am on tablets for depression ,hope you are or will be you would feel a different person if you take my advice,do take care

[Hidden in reply to bonny65]

Thank you for the insight! I have made an appointment with a psycologist. My bf has trouble expressing himself also. That doesn't help.