I don't want to be here anymore - Mental Health Sup...

Mental Health Support

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I don't want to be here anymore


I thought I could keep it all in but I was wrong. I'm 22, still a student, and still lives with my mother. Because of her son, my life is a living hell. There's always shouting, I can only have a moment of peace when I'm all alone, but I have class everyday so I never can really relax in the silence. My mother doesn't care, she only lets me stay because she thinks it is her duty as a mother but she doesn't give a fuck, lately she won't ever talk to me and always sides with him when I complain. I tried to make things change but nothing ever works. I'm tired of fighting all the time, I'm tired of always being on edge. I can't move out because I don't have a driver's license, not enough money either. Nobody cares. The only thing that brighten my day is when my professors tell me I did a good job on the exams, pathetic right? I don't have friends either, only people I kinda talk to at the uni, but then again I understand why. I'm surprised they even talk to me tbh. Maybe I deserve this.

I'm really sorry for all this but I needed to vent, anonymously. I'm sorry if this is inappropriate, please delete if so.

22 Replies

No need to apologise for saying it like it is. Sorry to hear of your situation,

No, you don't deserve to be treated with such lack of respect by family.

Please reach out to Crisis Support in your area - there are people who care - I for one care about you but I probably live on the other side of the world from you. Where are you located?

celia96 in reply to PNIAuthor60

Thanks for reading me and taking the time to reply. Yeah, I live in France. I have a doctors appointment next week, I wanted to talk about my mental health with him for a long time but I never found the courage to do so

PNIAuthor60 in reply to celia96

France ..Wow ...I am in Canada. Imagine that we can have a conversation like this, such a serious topic.

I am glad that you have an appointment and perhaps will gather the courage after posting here to speak at length with him. It can make all the difference to be heard and validated.

I lived in undiagnosed depression until I was 44 and I will be 63 this year. It's never too late to reach out.

Great response. I was diagnosed when I was in my 30's with manic depression, now bipolar, and I too am nearly 63. Life has been one long struggle for me. If only I could have had such conversations 30 years ago, life may well have been different. I am in London, UK and medical support for those with mental heath problems has severely diminished over the last decade, to an extent one feels alone and abandoned by society. So, its a huge benefit having the forum. Thanks everyone out there

I hear you Blueshirt, these communities here under the umbrella of HealthUnlocked are my sanctuary where I am understood and supported with encouragement and kindness.

I know the feelings you describe, well.

Yes, thank goodness for the internet.

I agree. The internet may not be a window into one's soul, but does at least provide a window to see others and for them to see you. Good luck

Hi there celia96, please do not apologise for posting on here and I am very glad that you have done so, and been able to hopefully offload a little. I hope you do not mind, but I have edited the swear word, which may cause offense to some of our members. I am sure that you will make new friends on our forum, who will be able to support you and offer you some comfort and understanding of your situation. Apart from your uni work and studies, you don't seem to have much enjoyment or home support which I really do feel sad for you, and hope in time your life can improve. I am sure that at some stage when you are finished your studies, you may be in a better position to move out and find yourself someplace to live, where you would feel happier. I wonder do you have any friends that you could flat share with, or even stay over occasionaly, just to give you space from such an unhappy home environment. Try and believe that in time your life will improve for you and that you won't always have to live at home. I am pleased that you will visit your doctor soon , who may be able to offer you support such as medication perhaps or counselling. Do you have any counsellors at your university who you could see, or is there anyone there who could help with your home situation, such as trying to find you someplace else to live? Do you have social services in your area that you could speak with and ask for help, as this is clearly making you very unhappy and stressed. Also, you may like to take a look at the Crisis Support on the pinned post section, which may be of help to you. In the meantime, please do stay on our forum to receive support and friendship from our lovely members. I do really hope that your life will improve and that soon you will start to feel a little better. take care of yourself and very best wishes and good luck to you...mas nurse...

Blueshirt in reply to MAS_Nurse

Great constructive response Admin

celia96 in reply to MAS_Nurse

Hi, thank you so much. Sorry for the swear word. I stay over at my grandma's once a week, and no, I don't really sleep over because I'm not at ease in an unknown environment. In fact I'm always afraid I'll be a burden, that's why, and that's the reason I am afraid about sharing a flat with someone else. But I don't think I'll be able to pay a rent by myself, and maybe not living all alone could be a good thing too. Tbh I don't really know anything about any social service since I never talked about this until now, but I'll ask my doctor, I'm sure he will know. Thank you once again, I really appreciate your lenghty answer. I'm glad I found this community.


Never apologises for posting when something bothers you. There are people probably reading your post who are afraid to post similar problems. I am sorry that your home life is not good, that doesn't help when you are trying to get through your studies. You should feel proud when your professors comment on your good work, that is something to be proud of and is definitely not pathetic. You do have friends because the people at uni talk to you and that is good.

No you don't deserve to feel like this and have all this pressure on you. It is okay to vent here. I see you said you have an appointment with your doctor, that is good. Please make sure you go to the appointment. Also I would suggest that you make a note of any questions you want to ask and also notes on how you feel and when so that you have a reminder when you go and see your doctor.

There are people who care, I agree that contacting a Crisis Support in your area will help as well as seeing your doctor. If you feel that you don't get the information our support you need, don't give up you may just need to see someone else. I have posted a few ideas that helped me so why on check out my profile and see if any of my previous posts help you out or give you some ideas. As PNIAuthor60 says it is never too late to get help. I am 48 and only got help 2 years ago when I had a breadown, but after having done a lot of work to get myself feeling I can go back to work and also start going out to meet people again I have also recognized that some of my issues could have started when I was in my teens.

So Image that you have reached out with your post and have someone from Canada talking to you and I am from Scotland. Just shows at anxiety and depression and mental health issues really affect people all over the world and we can support each other in getting better.

Take care and let us know how you get on. I have not been on the site for a while because I was working shifts which was tiring, but I have soem time now so should be back on here more often. I also had my own blip because I got lazy and wasn't keeping up with my meditation and sleep routines which I am starting to follow again.

Take care and let us know how you are getting on.



celia96 in reply to 20Voices

Hi, thank you so much. I wanted several times to talk to my doctor but I don't really like talking about my feelings and I feel like nobody would care. But after seeing all the comments on my post, I realize now that THERE ARE people out there who care. I used to go to sleep and let it pass whenever I felt like crap but I don't think this is the right solution anymore. You give me hope, all of you. Thank you.

PNIAuthor60 in reply to celia96

I'm glad that our responses gave you hope - hang tightly to it and post whenever you feel you must, we also enjoy supporting each other in the many blessings and accomplishments that arise within anxious times.

Though physically you feel all alone, you are no longer alone. We care about how you feel - feel whatever arises without guilt or self- condemnation here. At one time or another in our own journeys we have felt the same way.

It's not inappropriate what you say. And you're in the right place to express what you feel and get some much needed support. There are loads of people here who care about you. You are clearly intelligent and good at expressing how you feel in writing. And, your story has the great makings of a book or a screenplay. Who knows, if you write it you may become rich and successful as well as creatively fulfilled. And it may well excise your sufferings. Try some long walks, and some volunteering to help others.

celia96 in reply to Blueshirt

Thank you! I am studying to become a translator, so I already write a lot, and I truly enjoy it. That's why I don't really mind staying after class at the uni, so I can work and it gives me a break from home, but the problem is that sooner or later I have to come home. Same when I exercise, I go for a run every evening but I dread coming home.

its good that you talk, I'm in the UK. I got sick when I was 18 at collage and eventually at 25 I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. I'm 35 now.

I don't really want to be here particularly, I'm not entertaining suicide, my life is too much effort. So I guess I can relate to your frustration.

if you don't mind me asking about other people then how old Is your little bro, what's he doing that's winding everyone up so much? Would you mum help you move out after university do you think?

my parents asked me to move out and I never even considered they would help me do that even though they told me they would, I was far gone then had some really bad perception on reality. Its important too listen to people even if you don't believe what they say.

celia96 in reply to OMGPotatoe

Hi, same here. I don't have the courage to commit suicide (and thinking about it I realized that I didn't really wanted to...) but I see no way out. Even if I know that IT HAS to get better, I don't see how, or how I can hold on till then.

I was very close to him, we were a great team, but when he turned 13 or so a couple years ago he changed completely. Now he is absolutely disrespectful towards everyone, he steals from shops/my mother's purse, he doesn't respect her authority, but she says nothing, I don't know why. And when I make the smallest mistake, or when I don't do things exactly the way she wants me too, she lashes out on me. I'm not an angel, I know, but come on...I tried to talk about it with some others members of my family but either I'm a liar or they agree and then don't say/do anything to help me. So I don't think I'll get much support from them. My mother may help me move out because I can tell she is eager for me to get out of her house.

OMGPotatoe in reply to celia96

it sounds bad you are in this situation, I never had any brother or sisters my age. I had no idea how bad they could be, I consider theft are very serious crime. your brother is going down a very bad road by the sounds of it, I hope he gets better and isn't like this for the rest of his life, that would be terrible for him.

I hope you find some peace in your life while you are at university, its a very fragile time in human development. I think your family should probably respect you more for going through the process of developing career skills. At the same time if they don't give you room and respect it could be terrible for you in the long run. I also hope you finish your degree.

At least you know your mum will support you, that's always a good thing.

celia96 in reply to OMGPotatoe

I know, at first I was worried too and I tried to talk to him about it but he never listened. Now he's so horrible as a person, frankly I don't care anymore. I just want out.

My studies are very stressful, but I love what I do so that keeps me going. I do my best because I don't want to spend another couple years studying, I want to work!

I'm not even really sure about that, it depends on her mood. Like for two weeks she refused to take me to the gym with her (she knows I love the gym and it helps me relax), but yesterday she offered to take me... I never know when it's going to be ok or not with her, and honestly that's kind of tiring too. So I prefer not to count on her too much.

I wanna come with you, I think it will be better on the other side, because here its shit, but like people say........be strong so your feelings can last longer

No celia this is not inappropriate, sorry this is a little late but I write this for my own heart if you ever read this and it somehow relaxed you then I have done my job, sorry for your situation but therr are times like this in life, I am much older than you and still live with my dad, neither of us dont want this anymore I think but the condistions keep us with each other for now, I am tired, I am alone, I tend to cut with my few friends or maybe they tend to do, I dont really care, I just have one close friend that we are best friends for many years, but I even have no relationship with my siblings, my mother lives in another town, I am alone somehow and feel exhuasted n frustrated, I dont know these things will help you or not but show up to say you are not alone and you are so young in addition, you seems smart and logical to me so why not try to make some friends, go out feel a little bit more free and confident I bet there are plenty of guys who want to be with you, car, money, etc. are not alwats the matters, go on bike, on foot, be happy with what you have, I am here if you wanted to talk with someone anonymousy, it is okay, sorry for my english, take care

I raised my two sons in undiagnosed depression.

I was inconsistent with my support and my eldest son was doing what your brother is doing. I, like your Mom was so afraid of what would happen to my son if I called the authorities mistakenly believing that my enabling bad behaviour was living and protecting him.

Be grateful when she is supportive, she needs to know she is impacting you in a positive way.

Counselling might give you insight and direction into how to better manage your family dynamics and your relationship with your Mom.

My son and I didn't speak for years; in that time we both learned a lot about ourselves and each other - today we have a very close relationship and can respect and understand each other.

I will pray for your Mom to have courage in setting healthier boundaries with your brother.

Don't think it's inappropriate, hopefully it's just brutal honesty and that, takes courage. Please, be good to yourself, we're the only ones who can do that for ourselves.

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