Today it's the worst day ever.. I totally isolated myself from the rest of the world, I don't speak to my mother, son anymore, I stopped going to groups , I'm behind with all bills..my last human contact was with a bt operator .
'What a depressed bxtch 'I hear you sayng .. Well you right , even my own mother gave up on me .. And it's only 9:30 😪
omg i no exactly how you feel , sometimes i like to be by myself but ive come to realise that being by yourself for to long can make you feel worse you end up in a rut and cant seem to get out of it i used to take a walk round tescos just to break the cycle of being alone it used to work
Hi honey
In your message you wrote that you cut yourself off from everyone and you stopped going to your groups and you dont talk to family.
Why did you chose to do that
Because they remind me all my fails ..probably they think I'm ok , because before if I was upset I used to phone and rant .. Now my mother will think I'm with someone from the group my son will think the same and I'm not I'm at home feeling old ugly sick ...anyway my mother will never speak to me again , I said the most horrible things to her , she know I'm in ill health and in financial trouble and she doesn't care ( because I've been horrible to her)
I'm so envious of people I'm a nasty person who deserve to die in pain .
All of us fail at things in life its part of growing as a person its healthy to fail at things and i also get envious of people there is nothing nasty about it
The thing about mothers is that they have probably made all the same mistakes you have, and tend to be forgiving. It is children who find it hard to forgive, often leaving it until it is too late. Why don't you try reaching out to your Mum. If you are right, then you have nothing to lose. If you are wrong, it might be a chance to talk about what is really bothering you and be honest with each other.
Be forgiving to your son if he gets mad at you, because you know what it feels like to be estranged from your Mum.
I'm sure you're not always a nasty person.
You are looking for help and that already makes you a good one.
I have a friend who is down at the moment as well, we were about to meet up in town and she forgotten to tell me she's not there.
I suggested her to go to hospital.
Maybe that would help you too.
Usually OT is brilliant.
Do you take meds?
Have you ever been to hospital?
x
Krisztina
No I don't take meds for depression I've tried them in the past but didn't agree with me... Yeah I end up in hospital last year and I was assess by the crises team ..who they came to my house everyday with meds and to talk to me .
Anyway I've tried everything and nothing worked , I'm 47 the 25 /11 and I don't think I can change. I had fun the first 30 years of my life I don't care what's going to happen now .
Thank you everyone. 😊
What triggered your depression. Don't you have any friends you can talk to?
Well.. My husband died 2 years ago but I was already depressed before that.. People tell me ' you still young you should find somebody else ' .. But I'm terrible in social situation ( awkward silence, nervous smile) I don't have nothing to talk about my life it's so boring and sad .
I meet with 2 ladies sometimes for coffee but I've been avoiding them lately , they are older than me and I can't really be myself I have to put an act ( I do that a lot) haha.
Tc 😊
So sorry to hear about your husband. As for people telling you to find someone else that's not necessarily the answer to your problems. You could meet the 2 ladies, that would get you out and try and be yourself. They may be older than you, but age is just a number and they have possibly experienced setbacks in their lives and may be able to support you through your problems. Also try and build bridges with your mother and go and visit her. Do you have any hobbies or interests that could brighten your days. Remember there are plenty on here to talk too. 😁
Steve
I went to see my mother , we argued ... .. . hobbies?...erm I don't even know what I like anymore , I'm alive but I'm dead ( if you know what I mean) .
Thank you , you're very kind 😊
Sorry you argued with your mother, What did you like to do in the past. Look in your local paper for a what's on page. Try different things, it will get you out amongst new people. I hope I'm helping. If I'm not then tell me, not that I'll stop trying. Have a good night and sleep well. 😴
I'll do that for sure .
Sweet dreams 😴
Good morning hope you slept well. I re read your post and you say your behind with your bills. You can start the new you by tackling this problem. You need to sort them by going to see citizen s advice who will help you prioritize them and help you contact the people you owe and sort out payment plans. Are you getting all of the benefits you may qualify for? Citizens advice can also help you claim these.
Hope you have a good day.
Steve
I've been pay some of them , I'm only behind with my water bill , only because I don't agree with how much they want per month for only 1 person . ...Steve you are like a guardian angel haha .. Ty 😇
Maria
You sound more positive today. Good to hear you laugh 😁. Stay positive and if you feeling down you can always talk to me. Bye for now.
Steve
As a mother we love our children unconditionally and take what ever is thrown our way. Your mum might have needed some recharge time. I am sure if you make contact she will be there again. You might have to make the first step but I'm sure it's not helping you or them to be apart.
I can't talk 
Can't stop crying and its my Birthday tomorrow
I can't continue the pain that I am suffering
What do I do? This can't be normal..
I can't live like this anymore
