Feeling sad..

[Holly101]

I feel sad because I feel so sad all the time.. Does that make sense?

There were times in my life when I laughed a lot, I had a lot of fun an motivation to do things.

I was grateful for the smallest things in life, I was a joy to be around because positivity rubs off on people.

Now I'm just miserable, sad, going through the motions of every day because I have to, staying alive because

I don't want to hurt the people that love me.

When's it gonna end and will I be able to find pleasure in things again? I try.. But all I feel is a sadness that's

pulling me down a bit more every day, and just that fact makes me sad.

I'm one sad b*****d

Holly x

[Photogeek]

Hi Holly

I totally. Understand what you mean. Today I was reading a book and I got this flash

Of the person I used to be. That made me sad too, it's like we have lost ourselves in some fundamental way

Don't stop reading now as the fact that we know we are not the same as before

Is a positive thing, it means to me anyway that we miss the person we used to be. I miss the Hannah who was bubbly', funny, who danced around if I liked some song on radio. I miss that person who wore perfume every day since I was fourteen. I miss that bright smart woman, where the fxxk is she?

Holly you are young and bright and funny and look gorgeous' . I like the person you are now, we change all the time. Life experiences change us, so maybe we should not hark back to what we were like. This is the new version of us. Like the IPhone that Apple released today.

Holly you need to get your life back and to stop using. That alone makes anyone feel

Bad. I know you can do it. Maybe before the time was not right for you. You are so

Kind and caring to everyone here, now you need to start loving Holly. You are as I told

You a breath of fresh air. I always feel good when I read your posts. They are from the

Heart and you are so so bright too. It's not to late to change. Remember that. You will

Have support here too and I am always around if you need a cat.

Don't be sad Holly Golightly ( that's your new name ) because like Audrey Hepburn

You too are a star.

Luv n stuff

Hannah

[Holly101 in reply to Photogeek]

Thanks Hannah And I know my using's got a lot to do with it, but sometimes I think 'what have I done??'

All those years wasted, never to be regained again..

But then again, regrets get ye nowhere, and neither does living in the past..

I just hope there's a future, and one that's better and more hopeful than the past..

Holly xx

[Photogeek]

Holly I meant to say I am here if you need a chat not a cat. Ha ha I am not giving

My little cat away. You must think I'm nuts wanting to give you a cat.

H

[ThemysciraDrive in reply to Photogeek]

She's Holly Golightly, she has to have a cat!

[Holly101 in reply to Photogeek]

Hahaha ah you made me laugh there, coz I did actually think you called yourself a cat there

Coz I know you love em, and coz of the photo as well,thanks for cheering me up!

It doesn't take much!

Love ya xx

[ThemysciraDrive]

Holly, it makes perfect sense. I know exactly what you mean about the fact that you feel sad all the time making you feel worse.

How have you been lately? Feels like a while since I've replied to you.

[Holly101 in reply to ThemysciraDrive]

Sad lol.

I've been ok-ish.. Been feeling pretty down, tired and burnt out..

I'm just hoping it'll pass sooner rather than later.. Coz it always does, or at least gets slightly better, but its not shifting, I still force myself to go to my dayprogram as much as I can, but that's about as far as I get..

This is a bit embarrassing, but it's been about a fortnight since I've had a shower, I haven't changed my bedsheets for a good few month, haven't done a washing for about a month..

It's things like that I let go, I don't look after myself coz I don't care about me.

The only reason I force myself to go to that dayprogram a few mornings a week, is that I'd end up not talking to anyone for weeks on end and probably loose the plo if I didn't go...

Anyway, what about you, how have you been? hope you've been ok, and thanks for replying to my post

Love, Holly xxx

[ThemysciraDrive in reply to Holly101]

Aw why don't you care about yourself? You spend so much time on here looking after other people, you should be proud of yourself

Funny you mention bedsheets. I've changed mine once in 5 months. I just can't do it. I can usually force myself to do things, but I look at the bed and I can't dredge up the energy.

Tell me where to go if you like but how are you doing with the self-harming? I don't mean to be the Spanish Inquisition, I just worry about people's cuts staying clean and stuff.

I'm ok thank you. Bit up and down the last couple of weeks. Some good days mixed in with some very dark ones. I'm not sleeping anywhere near enough which doesn't help. I have a phone consultation for counselling this afternoon. Nice to have the afternoon off but I do feel anxious as I don't like talking on the phone.

Go have a shower this afternoon - if not for yourself then for me, cause I'd be happy if you looked after yourself

[Holly101 in reply to ThemysciraDrive]

No way, do you have that phone-thing as well? I absolutely hate phoning things, and

I try and avoid it at any costs! Texting is the way forward I say But you can't really get away with texting official things and consultations and that, unfortunately... Funny how much we all have in common here!

I'll make you a deal, you change your bedsheets and I'll have a shower!

I've been doing ok-ish with the self-harming, it's still a nearly daily thing, but I make sure I don't cut to deep, just to save me from having to go and get stitches..

It still looks pretty messy, but there's no infections or serious deep wounds so

I'm ok, thanks for your concern, I do appreciate it.

Good luck with the consultation for the counselling, I'll be thinking about you and hope it all goes well, but also because I know how hard it is making phonecalls!

All the best and love,

holly Xx

[ThemysciraDrive in reply to Holly101]

Alright Missy, it may have an hour of prevarication but the sheets are in the wash - your turn!

[Holly101 in reply to ThemysciraDrive]

Ah shit, I'll have to keep my end of the bargain now... Ok am goin for it, sheets are coming off first and going in the machine, and then I'll have to get in the shower as well, coz I'm not ruining my clean sheets with me being bogging!

Well done you, we'll sleep well tonight

Holly Xx

[Suzie40]

'Life is shit and then you die' is one of my favourite quotes. At my most down times I imagine being in hospital ill, and the doctors not bothering to save me because at 34, I'm too old to bother about. I certainly never get why doctors try to save people in their seventies. And I know why I think like this - it's because like you, I feel little pleasure in my life. Personally, I think you're a really nice person. You're clearly intelligent, have a great sense of humour, your honesty is enviable and you care about people. I don't think you have much belief in yourself though, do you? X

[Hidden]

hi holly

I am in the same present condition as you are,i always remained sad,,, but now i realise that no one can make you to lead your life with firm determination or to reach your goal without yourself. nobody can help us except ourselves. people just move on... and we too need to move... when i was in high school.. i used to laugh a lot...and make others laugh, but when i joined college i was a changed person..a reserved person..people came i changed,but at last i was the same as alone,,,my behavior has much changed..now i love being alone..i am now moving towards my goal.. this time will change surely and once again you will be a happy person...just remind yourself of your goal and proceed towards it,,go out if needed,,sometimes by changing the environment or the place mood too changes...my good wishes are with you...

hugs...

shivani

[Holly101 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Shivani,

I like my own company too, but I also need people round about me.

But when I feel down and I'm stuck firmly with my head in depression and negativity, I start pushing people away and avoiding everyone.

Which I know, for me, only makes things worse.

I know what I need to do to make myself feel better, I know what makes me feel good and what drags me down, but I can't seem to get the motivation and it's frustrating!

I need to give myself a kick up the arse and stop feeling sorry for myself, but at the same time

these feelings of wanting to give up and thinking about suicide, are real..

I just hope things'll get better again. Soon,

Thanks Shivani, I hope you're having an ok day

Love, Holly Xxx

[Downnotout]

Never give up hope

[Holly101 in reply to Downnotout]

Thanks I'll do my best

Holly Xx

[raymond47 in reply to Holly101]

Hi Holly, so sorry to hear your so down. I totally understand where you are coming from. I do all the things suggested to fight my way out of depression but am still stuck. Unfortunately there does not seem to be any other way except to keep going and hope life becomes liveable again for us.

[Holly101 in reply to raymond47]

Thanks Raymond, and your right, we have to keep going, it would be handy,easy

and nice to just say I give up, and just stop.. But it doesn't work that way does it.

Life goes on, and suicide is in no way an easy option, even most methods of doing

it are very very hard!

And apart from that, I couldn't do that to my loved-ones, I've still got enough hope that

one day things will get better again, so I don't have to resort to such drastic action.

Not today anyway..

So we'll just have to keep going, like you said, and make the best out of a bad situation..

You take care, and thanks for your post

Love, Holly Xx

[Holly101 in reply to Holly101]

Not that I don't think about it a lot.. Suicide that is..

But there are other things I have to try first to see if life will get better again.

Suicide, for me, and probably most people, is the very very last resort..

Holly Xx

[sheffield1978 in reply to Holly101]

hey you ok x

[Holly101 in reply to sheffield1978]

Hi hun,

I'm ok, feeling a bit better today.. What about you, hows you?

Holly xxxx