mountains out of molehills

[gardengnome]

I think i'm coming out of a bad few days, was angergly miserable at my brother. Of course as usual making mountains out of mole hills. But it really reminded me how far I can slide downhill .

Anger, wild imagination, paranoina, not a good combination.

It made me ask myself , how many of my grans genes and bad habits I've ended up with. I remember the resentment, anger and misery that she directed at herself and her relatives. I can still vividly recall the relief as a kid everytime my dad came home after visiting her that she hadn't poisened his tea.

Haven't had the get up and go this summer to do much, know I should be looking at c.b.t. texts, or just getting out and doing stuff, but just seems like wading through treacle in slow motion, I work at a school, so maybe being at a loose end has made me more maudline. Have recently changed the pill I used for rotten periods, again, sooooo relieved it's working, don't know if it's a coincidence, but have been unmotivated since about when I switched pills, feel detatched, can't get enthisiatic about anything, not that interested in eating..

Just hope that getting into a routine next term will do the trick, cause right now I don't know how I'm going to get through the winter feeling so disjointed and putting the worst interpretation on everything..

[Janetb]

can really relate to everything you wrote, I too am finding it hard to motivate myself to do anything, all the other mums are posting on facebook all the brill places and activities they are doing and I feel so guilty all I can manage is a trip to Macdonalds. The winter always finds me struggling as well . At least we have this safe place to share our fears, hope things improve soon

[Suzie40 in reply to Janetb]

Facebook is now work of the devil when it comes to yummy mummies! I might post a picture of me lying on the sofa, with my kids hunting for food in the cupboards. Wonder if I'll get many likes?

[Suzie40]

I was able to relate to so much of your post. I also work in a school and unlike colleagues, who manage to make the most of every spare second of the holidays, I really struggle with the amount of empty time. I depend heavily on the routines of the school week to keep me on track.

I also suffer from horrendous periods and I know all to well the effect that this can have on both your physical and emotional wellbeing. When I'm not in pain, I'm crying. It pretty much governs my life for five days a month. The Gaenecologist discharged me because I woudn't agree to go on the pill. He said there was nothing more he could do. I didn't like him anyway, he was a bit creepy!

Arguments with families are hurtful and hard to move on from. When I fall out with mine, it really upsets me for a long time. I try everything to avoid confrontation these days, which is very difficult sometimes!

It can be frightening seeing how fast you can plummet, I understand that. But it's good that you can identify changes in how you are feeling. It makes recovery easier to manage and understand.

Hope you're ok now, Lucy x

[gardengnome]

yes facebook certainly is a double edged sword, helps for keeping in touch, but can give the impression that everyone is partying on the beach all holiday.

The silly thing was, there was'nt a real row with my brother, just my interpretation, and getting angry on someone elses behalf, which I know is always a bad move. Anyway I'm seeing him next week, so I'll see.

When I think about busy people I know who don't have the opp of school hols it is quite amazing the amount of planning and research some put into organizing the rare week of fun available. So maybe if I start planning now I might have a plan for next summer figured out by easter.... Need to channel those O.C.D. tendencies some where positive!

You mention not wanting to use the pill, guess we all have meds avoided. I've not been all that honest with the nurse so have avoided anti-depressants, (my excuse was my favourite foods couldn't be eaten with them, but can't use that excuse anymore) but if this dull phase continues I may have to pluck up the courage to see the G.P. Odd but I kind of miss the upswings that came with the previous pill, they gave a guaranteed time of energy to tap into.