living with cancer

[misterporpoise]

since 2009 I have had three operations, the first was after I collapsed at work, I was 25, after the operation I was told there had been a large tumor inside my stomach that had bled, I had 20 stiches, after the op I could not communicate, in particular I could not speak, I used a mixture of prescribed medicines, and illegal drugs, for a year afterwards, then a scan, the scan showed a lot of new tumors in and around the stomach, I had a biopsy keyhole surgery, then started a drug for the cancer, soon afterwards I collapsed and had a large operatiuon, i had fourty stiches, after that I stopped using illegal drugs, Ii also stopped risperedone, I have done this all alone cheers.

[Hidden]

Hi

I really don't know what to say in response to all of that. You've had such a hard time. How come you have had to deal with it all on your own, do you not have any family or are there problems between you? It must have been really hard to have such a scary problem, I'm not surprised you could not speak but wonder whether that was due to a physical problem or shock. I'm wondering have you stopped taking the drugs now as it must be hard to cope with the emotions of having to cope alone. Do you not have any counselling type support?

Suexx

[misterporpoise in reply to Hidden]

Secondhandrose, the problem I have is that I have been abused, by professionals, they have not respected my wishes, as in refusing treatment, they have been negligent, I have had cancer, I have pulled through, I put this down to exercise, diet, stopping drugs and smoking and a drug Im prescribed, also I have been neglected since a young age, only recently I have realised the above, I have been bullied a long time in a lot of ways, now I have been able to stand up for myself, Im asking questions like, that wasn't necessary?, if someone had taken responsibility for what was happening in the past I would not have this problem now?, as far as my family is concerned, they cant help me, they have neglected me, from a young age, I have been treated for eight years for a condition and it wasn't necessary, it looked likely I would die, and I didn't get the support I needed, I have never had any councelling type support either, I asked for it while being treated but no, in eight years all the help I got was financial, benefits housing, that sort of thing and Im very keen to get that point across.

[Hidden]

Hi

I'm glad you have replied - yes I thought you had either been neglected or abused within your family - it it the only likely explanation for the way your life went. I'm really glad you have been able to pull yourself out of some of the problems.

It's sad that people gave you financial help but no one offered the kind of emotional help that you will really have needed in order to cope with the effects of what had happened to you. It's no wonder you are angry! I had really good material care but felt unknown by my parents and although outwardly things looked great the emotional damage my childhood did was enormous and at 63 I still feel enraged at times! Damage during childhood does enormous harm and it's so hard to overcome. You say you were neglected and I'm wondering whether you mean physically or emotionally or both as they are each difficult to cope with. If you were bullied it sounds as though you were unable to stand up for yourself in healthy ways, unable to be assertive, which suggests your emotional needs were not met as a child, that you weren't given the kind of love that would have enabled you to feel good about yourself and to hold your own with other people without becoming a bully yourself. I know that is true for me and the only way I came to cope with it was to realise that the bullies must have felt very bad about themselves to have needed to be so horrible to other people. Ironically that makes me realise that I was actually stronger than them and instead of feeling so angry about being bullied I now feel sad about what happens to people to make them bully and sad about what happened to me. Feeling sad is more painful but it does help move on from the past and eases the stress that anger brings.

Although you've managed on your own to overcome a lot of your problems which is great you obviously also want someone to know how hard it's al been for you and I'm wondering whether you have anyone to talk to about it all? I know the most helpful thing for me has been to have a therapist to really share my experiences with, I still go and although they can't help in any direct way just feeling cared about for the first time in my life has been the most helpful thing that has ever happened to me. The lovely thing about therapy is that I do not go expecting answers to problems, but just feel understood and that in itself is therapeutic.

Keep writing on the website as it helps me and I'm sure it helps other people to know we are not alone in struggling with things that have happened to us in the past.

Suexxx

[misterporpoise]

Im good crack, Ive taken risperedone since aged 20, when you take risperedone you pull down your pants a little on one side or the other

the injection takes about 10 seconds, Ive had it two hundred times, Ive said I wanted to stop, every chance I got, after the third operation

for cancer, I stopped, whilst recovering from the operation, I was in and out of A and E, about once every two months for a year,

during this time I have consistently refused treatment, no one has advised me too refuse treatment, tactics to get me to accept treatment usually gho like

ARE YOU BEING TREATED FOR ANYTHING ELSE? In 2012 I was sectioned with the mental health act, I refused treatment inside hospital, -If you call the police I was take your phone-

-IF YOU REFUSE TREATMENT I WILL PUT YOU IN SOLITARY CONFINMENT- lol LUCKY FOR ME I WON THE APPEAL,

THE POLICE TOLD LIES TO GET THE MENTAL HEALTH ASSESTMENT, -I HAD SMASHED MY FLAT TO PIECES-, -MY FLAT WAS UNIHABITABLE- In 2011 I was admitted to A and E in Euston

-I WANT YOU TO BE ASSESED BY A PSYCHIATRIST-, -I CANT LET YOU DISCHARGE YOURSELF-.