My life with lefty

[Viln]

Testicular pain ruining my life i need help....

So, I have this constant companion it’s been around for at least the last two years……… it’s kind of like a distant friend or acquaintance, like that one at school you knew and waved too but had to avoid talking too at all cost. If it was an animal, it would be the elephant (the one no one talks about)

Anyway, I introduce to you “Lefty” my nagging, painful, sickness inducing left Testicle.

The ache started suddenly one day almost like I’d received a swift sharp tap to the groin, I’d had the feeling many times man and boy. An errant foot or fist in a scrum or the well-aimed knee from an upset girlfriend the effect was the same; a relatively painless initial blow, then that delay. Not long, just long enough for your brain to realise where you had been hit and dwell for a millisecond on what was coming next (how does evolution design such a sadistic pain mechanism!!) then it starts, the dull ache intensifying quickly and travelling along the pit of the belly up the body to induce that strange nauseating lump in the throat, turning the stomach and hanging around for what seems like an age. Realistically it is a few agonising, nasty minutes of concentration. focusing on keeping hold of any recently consumed foodstuffs until blissfully the feeling subsides,

But….

This time wasn’t like the others this time it was different. I can’t say the feeling didn’t fade because it did, but it didn’t really disappear it hung around buzzing in the background like an annoying fly, just in your ears distracting constantly but just out of reach. The drive home from work was a blur, the roads may have been quiet or busy I do not remember. What I do remember was the spinning rush-hour in my head. “What was causing this pain? I must have knocked it without noticing? Maybe my trouser leg pinched it as I crouched down? Maybe I was bitten by something? Maybe I blanked out and aliens did something while I was asleep?” no matter how I attempted to distract myself my perfectly stable(not) masculine mind went back to one train of thought “what if this is bad, what if this is really bad, what if they need to cut it off!!!!”

Now with sane rational thought you would probably talk to your wife and family about such a worry “Hi honey I’m home! Bit of a bad day, painful stomach, I’ll eat tea then put the kids to bed and we’ll have a little talk about it is that ok?”

I got home from work that evening with the pain still there and did what all rampantly heterosexual mountain of masculinity, “ugg fire” Neanderthal men would do. I chose to act normally not telling anyone and took a couple of paracetamol, ate tea, put the kids to bed then laid in the bath rummaged around and found a lump on lefty!

Obviously, it was time for Neanderthal man to evolve. “Ok it’s just a lump, it’ll be fine, I’ll get it checked by the doctors tomorrow” or was it? I know I should have thought that, indeed one voice in my head probably did say that. But rationality had left the building, I certainly was not listening to that voice saying those words, the voice I heard was saying very loudly “It’s over, you’re going to die or worse lose your left nut!”

For about a week I didn’t tell a soul and let the voice and the pain hang, I hobbled around daily in distracted discomfort pretending to work before eventually, (after running out of paracetamol and Ibuprofen one lunchtime and having a particularly tortured afternoon) I admitted to myself I might need to act on this.

I talked to my wonderful wife that evening and supported by her an emergency appointment at the local doctor’s surgery quickly diagnosed an epididymal cyst, harmless, benign and would not cause the pain I was feeling, further tests confirmed the initial diagnosis in the following few weeks but no cause for this pain. The reassurance that I wasn’t leaving my wife a widow and kids fatherless was nice and I could get on with life, all be it with Lefty still there prodding away at my pain threshold constantly.

The pain is solid occasionally it fades away into the background surrounded by the noise of creaking joints and abused back and knees, the pain we pick up over the years. Most days it was manageable every now and then it needed help by a few paracetamols, but I coped, we all coped.

Medically from my doctor there is no more that can be done, as I say the pain is constantly there but does fluctuate in its volume. When it’s bad It effects sleep and mood and my ability to concentrate this used to be maybe once or twice a month for maybe one or two days. Until August that is

This recent “flare up” has now lasted nearly 4 months, October 24th was the day I last worked I had made more and more “silly mistakes” over the previous weeks unable to concentrate properly on tasks at hand, Anxiety levels through this only amplified the groin pain and I was losing sleep. The anxiety had brought on Bowel problems. The volume on the pain was at its highest ever. My actions were affecting the business I was subcontracting for and I had to stop, It was obvious I was unable to concentrate fully on tasks at hand and in hindsight thinking about some actions I took, I was a danger to myself with power tools too, probably lucky!

My conundrum: Anxiety amplifies the pain, the pain amplifies the anxiety, the anxiety sets off Irritable bowels, Irritable bowels add to the anxiety, the anxiety amplifies the pain……

I am self-employed, there is no sick pay, it is weeks later, the pain remains, the savings are gone we have nothing left and my doctor has said I am fit for work, I cannot however work due to my inability to concentrate and my inability to control my bowel movements, this now causes more anxiety……

I can still work I am still breathing, I have a loving family and wife, I have roof above my head and currently we still have food in the cupboard I wish just for a little idea a suggestion as to a way forward, I accept that I can probably no longer do the tradesman jobs I once did, I would push trolleys around a carpark or sweep out toilets to feed my kids but I just can’t see how I could do this while my bowels empty themselves and My mate Lefty keeps on shouting away!!

[Hidden]

Well Viln, judging from that well written synopsis I think if the manual labour proves too much then a career in writing awaits! I don't suppose you’ve had a vasectomy a few years ago have you?

[JohnNicola]

Is removal of the testicle a possible solution?

[Hidden in reply to JohnNicola]

It might be ... but that’s a bit drastic don’t you think?

[JohnNicola in reply to Hidden]

How desperate are you with the pain? Furthermore it won't affect your ability to enjoy sex, produce testosterone, or anything else.

[Viln]

Hi All,

Thanks for the replies...

As you suggest Goldie, i do try not to dwell on the pain, it is ongoing and I continue to try and function doing the housework and pottering about when and how I can, its just sometimes impossible to focus on anything else, the last of these incidence was shortly before I wrote the above post. (which of course helped divert my attention for a while)

No Vasectomy yet although I am in the process, waiting to talk to consultant on 22nd but I have been told about possible further testicular pain in around 10% of people? the last thing i need is to make this worse!

Very bad weekend with the pain but on a good note, over the course of yesterday the pain subsided to a mid level dull ache this morning. Quite a bit better (no change in diet or activity levels... as I say very strange) hopefully this will last some time again.

But on a bad day I can honestly say it has crossed my mind to amputate myself!!..... its a pretty desperate feeling when it's on a "flare up".

I made some more calls Friday and I am now waiting for another doctor to contact me and start further investigations but after this length of time I am not expecting an amazing solution in the near future.

Are there any others coping with anything like this and what are your methods? I just need some fresh ideas.