So I'm a little late posting this. I'm 31 and have never had a satisfactory sexual encounter. To be fair, my sex drive is very low, and I sometimes wonder if I'm asexual as I tend to prefer my own hand to literally anything else. However, I came across an article which linked phimosis, which I definitely have (my foreskin cannot retract past the head of my penis when erect), to lack of sensation during sex. I don't feel much during sex and, indeed, it's only directly behind my glans where I receive any stimulation at all.
I'm not really worried since this only seems to affect my dating life and not my health, but is this something I should seek to remedy? Should I see a specialist or my GP?
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JPW31
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Dear youngstar , your case is partially similar to my case. I have done circumcision at the age of 31. I used to do masturbation almost daily and my foreskin used to be retracted fully and like you I also used to feel the maximum sensation from the back of the glans near the frenulum , and everybody does so..nature has created our organ and nerves like that only. But one fine morning there was some sort of infection (they call it smegmaitis). Smegma is the kind of lubricating fluid between the foreskin and the glans. Unfortunately I could not retract the skin fully after the infection and the doctors told me to go for circumcision before marriage. They called it paraphimosis. Probably diabetes also contributed for the itching and white dry grains used to form on the glans. It was not Balanitis . I was told by surgeons that cleaning of the glans is important as otherwise at old age chances of cancer may increase. I did circumcision and since then I am without foreskin and the glans is like a head of a boiled egg. Such boiled egg shapes (Open glans) are sometimes liked by woman for sucking with saliva or other fruit flavoured lubricants . Even with oily cream or lubricants masturbation can also take you to a height . If you have already experienced intercourse it is fine but if you can't retract your full skin you will be unable to clean the glans. Actually even if you are able to retract the skin in flaccid condition (non-erected) it is ok. The feelings during intercourse hardly can vary with or without skin as it depends largely on emotions and the urge of your female partner. So my suggestion would be if you are ok with your skin you continue ( so far as you can you can wash and clean).The existing foreskin has some effect on gliding to bring sensations within vagina, but without skin also the strokes and possible touches on the clitoris can also excite the woman. So with or without skin really does not matter. If you feel that your skin is creating trouble for you or your female partner, you can meet a surgeon who will advice you for a one hour (half day hospitalisation) operation to get rid of your phimosis (which you really have) .Later on you will forget and will have no effect on your sexual satisfaction. You will get the sensations at your frenulum also . I think I have given you enough clarity , which perhaps even urologists will not tell you. I find I have become a consultant in this forum at least for circumcision, glans penis , related aspects on sexual satisfaction etc. I find many guys have queries on these. I advice as per as I know based on my experiences. Don't worry .Internet has helped us to discuss these things anonymously. You take your own decision.
I clearly have all these issues, phimosis too. Cant retract my skin. Problem is my parents never taught me to pull back my skin and clean until I had a gf when I am 29 (right now). I cant even enjoy sex. I will insert and feel hell of pain. Only sex I have is with condom on, but would like to have intercourse without Condom. Please advise. And I dont wanna cut foreskin since it ll reduce sensation n pleasure. Also, how painful was it when u had ur foreskin removed ? I know it was a day's surgery. Were u ok the next day where u able to go to walk to work?
I havent even told about this to my parents, we broke up and so I told my parents not to look for a girl since this will.be embarrassing for me after marriage.
I'm an italian medical doctor. But I'm a researcher, not a physician.
I mainly agree with Diptasu. The only perfectly wrong thing he says is the definition of paraphimosis. Paraphimosis is a urgent condition in which your too narrow foreskin is retracted back the whole glans, and the glans becomes swollen and red. It is a condition of a certain gravity which usually must be treated surgically with urgence. Phimotic men are of course more at risk, because their foreskin is narrower, and so it can work as a "rope" tightened just back of the limit of your glans (if retracted too much).
Yes, it is normal that you feel the maximum of your feeling around your frenulum. However, a really complete and satisfactory orgasm should be a whole-body feeling, something similar to an "ecstasis". Remember our more powerful sexual organ is.....our brain!
Some men sometimes prefer masturbating than having intercourse. But, iIf you usually feel so, there may be a little inhibition in your relationship with women, which renders you a little nervous, so that (all considered) you prefer do-it-yourself. Anyway, many married men masturbate. Have you ever tried oral sex? It can be less sure (from the point of view of hygiene) but can be wonderful. I knew men who preferred much more a fellatio than a vaginal sexual intercourse.
I would go anyway to a good ANDROLOGIST, not urologist; andrologists are more educated in sexual aspects of our urogenital apparatus, while urologists are usually surgeons of our apparatus. You can discuss your sexuality with an andrologist much better than with an urologist. The best is someone with BOTH the specialties (urology and adrology, I mean).
Of course hygiene of the space between the foreskin and the glans is very important. It decreases the chance of infections and probably of cancer too.
A good andrologist could advise you on the more approprieted decision for you. Tell him all your situation: physical, emotional, sexual, etc. He will understand.
Thank you Nickitaly; a few points of clarification; I have tried oral sex, but not anal or vaginal sex. This is because my erection rarely lasts long enough to conclude the logistics of entry (especially donning a condom). Oral sex doesn't greatly stimulate me, and my lack of an ecstatic reaction (whether by my own hand or with the help of a partner) is what leads me to conclude I may be partially or completely asexual. I certainly enjoy the romantic side of dating, but the physical side of actual sexual reproduction I could take or leave.
I certainly AM nervous about my sexual performance with a partner (of either gender), and I am aware this could be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I have found, however, that being honest with my partners usually assuages this. Many have seen it as a challenge and, while my lack of experience and performance has killed more than a few relationships, at least all parties new 'going in' that this was a risk.
I will see about getting an appointment with an Andrologist to discuss this in more detail.
Any man has his times. But not having undergo any penetrative sexual experience at 31 is somewhat a little strange. My impression is that you are a little uncertain which partners you like more, men or women, and you may be embarassed by this uncertainty. Do not panic. Bisexuality is just as normal as hetero- or homo-sexuality. You only have more chances! It is not a fault. You must feel relaxed with a woman, even if you feel desire for some men, and viceversa. If you fall in love with a man, you can be as faithful to him as you would be if you were exclusively homo-sexual. And if you fall in love with a woman, you can be as faithful to her as an exclusively hetero-sexual man can be. You are not less reliable. It's a lie that bisexual do not exsist, it is a lie that they are actually closet homosexual, it's a lie they are unreliable!
Any man has also his sexual drive. I think many lie about it. They want to give the impression that they are always exceptional lovers. On the contrary, all of us have defayances, but we dislike admitting them. You may be a little bit "undriveable". A good andrologist should be able to discuss with you also this aspect, and also your endocrinological pattern (have you ever undergo an blood examination for testosterone, FSH, LH, prolactin, tiroxine and so on?)
Most of our sexual drive is brain-derived, and this can influence our hormonal status, but the hormonal status can viceversa affect our brain-derived sexual drive.
If you are taking drugs, some of them can depress your sexual drive, or even your sexual performances.
About your "short" erections. Do not think you are alone. Many men suffer from some defect in their erection sometimes in their lifes. Condoms can inhibit a lot. Personally, I used condoms without problem when I was young, but, as I became more mature, the use of condoms became more difficult for me. I feel somewhat inhibited. And the act of wearing the condom can interrupt the atmosphere! Moreover: women can be well excited also by your fingers and your tongue and lips (I do not have experience with men, but I think it is the same); when you have well worked with your fingers and your mouth on her vulva, she will be very well lubricated (by feminine secretion + your saliva). If the vulva is a little bit dry, put lubricant in it and on your penis; them try soft penetration: you make your penis slip inside her vagina even if it is not erected (better if it is semi-hard, but also flaccid can work!). Use a "deep penetration position" (type "deep penetration position" on Google and look for images). Then stay still. Your penis can become erected inside her vagina, and this is wonderful for you and also for the woman, because sometimes women do not like very much the "trauma" of hard penetration. What if your penis refuses to become hard? stay still for a while. Both will enjoy the intimate relationship. It can be a good alternative to "normal" hard penetrative sex. I really don't know if it can work between two men; but why not? try to believe. You will become less stressed about having an erection, because you will understand that you can have a different sexual experience, but not less intense, even if you do not achieve a full, durable erection.
If you are not satisfied by the andrologist, you could consider consulting a psychologist/or better psychiatrist. NOT because you have a psychiatric condition, but because they should have very deep knowledge of our sexuality. Sexuality and psyche go hand in hand!
There are stretching techniques but I've not found them particularly effective. I'd recommend seeing your doctor and asking for steroidal cream. If after a course of that it's still painful you may want to consider circumcision but definitely discuss that with a medical professional.
Try stretching instead. You may have a few eeeks of daily exercises to get your foreskin operational, but that’s better than losing over half if your potential sensation.
To begin, set a schedule of four five- minute session each day. During these times, grasp each side of the opening and gently pull it open, holding it five minues. Regrip as necessary. You’ll feel the skin become more flexible in a few days. Continue until you can get two fingers inside, then using the fingers to pull. Avoid using soap to wash the foreskin and glans.
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