I'm 30 years old, healthy and confident guy. Never had problems having or finding sex and very comfortable in my own skin.
I've realised though that over the years whenever I am in a long term relationship there comes a time where something happens to my sexual 'connection' with my partner and I find myself finding it something I feel less and less comfortable with. It's like my body stops reacting to them and in turn it makes me more panicked and concerned of my ability to get an erection. I can stimulate myself no problem but the minute I try to connect that with being with my partner my body shuts down again.
I know I love my partner and more recently we have talked about it which didn't really go down well as she's struggling not to take it personally which then makes it even more of a point in my mind.
Are there any online help courses or videos that can help whilst I seek help from my GP etc? Over my life whenever this is happened I put it down to oh I must not fancy them anymore, but I could meet a girl tomorrow far less physically attractive and have sex with them no problem, so I know it must be something to do with what's going on in my head.
Any advice extremely welcomed.
Written by
Jaime7
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Yes it's in your head, but the simplest and most effective solution is a small dose of viagra or similar which is almost guaranteed to kick start your confidence with good erections and not requiring long term treatment. Go see your gp and ask for some
Viagra or similar are prescribed medication, they are design to be used when your body is unable, or less able, to get an erection universally. i.e all the time.
Consider this. If you take a pill to get it up with your partner, a person who you are in a loving relationship with, when does the pill taking stop? Is this pill going to take you back to the time when you were up and at it without a moments thought, with out the pre planning required to take a pill at the right time in advance?
That is the thing, it is a thought. I would suggest a thought process akin to "the thrill of the hunt" is now missing.
For safety sake, check out the physical with a GP, then find a decent therapist.
I think your lasting relationship has decreased your sexual desire for her. It is physiological in all long term relationships.
Good that you have talked with your partner. Good to go to your GP or better an andrologist. Viagra can help, but I think some psychotherapy could do better; or maybe viagra+psychotherapy.
However, try to put more fantasy into your sexual activities. For example, imagine you are a God, she is your Goddess, and your intercourse is something unique and universal, such as a cosmic union of the masculine and the feminine.
I can give you also some practical advice.
Prolong the preliminaries. Women love preliminaries more than us. Exchange kisses and caresses on whole your bodies; take contact with all your skin. Do not concetrate too much on penis and erection. Rather of HER tits and pussy.
Remember you have 2 hands and a tongue to satisfy your Goddess, if your penis is not responding adequately. Work well with your tongue on her clitoris. She will be delighted. Sometimes we men prefer fellatio to sexual intercourse, don't we? So do women!
If your penis responds only weakly and it is semirigid, or even if it is flaccid, try SOFT PENETRATION. Yes, you can penetrate her with your soft or semirigid penis.
How? your partner should be well lubricated in her pussy by her own vaginal secretion, by your saliva or by some lubricant. Put some lubricat also on your penis. Do not worry about erection. The take the scisssirs position, or better the so-called deep penetration position. See this drawing, or search internet for this position
Now, helping yourself with your/her hands, slip your penis into her vagina. If it is semirigid, it is very easily. If it is flaccid, it may require some patience and exercise. But IT IS POSSIBLE. I can assure you. And it is very pleasant. A very ancient oriental method.
Then perform slow sex. Stay still. Enjoy the conjunction of your bodies. Your penis probably will become hard inside her vagina, wonderful for both of you. Then Move slowly and just a bit rotating more than the usual pelvic pushes.
As for what to read, I advice all men (and all women) to read these interesting books. Let us say they are not really esoteric teaching of tantric sex, but they are very useful to ameliorate the sex life of most men (and women). Try what you want and you will see what is suitable for each of you.
The heart of tantric sex, by Diana Richardson, OBooks
I suggest also the site SESSOSUBLIME edited by Jacopo Fo, Nobel Prize Dario Fo's son. It is in italian, but rich of images and with portions translated into English
I wish you a good reading. Remember you are a gentleman, and you have to respect and satisfy your woman more and before yourself. Avoid "masturbating in/with her vagina"! Sometimes it can become like the divine amplex between Siva and Parvati (see Hindu religion). Homosexual people can also read the books: even if they are oriented to a straight public, many things are valid for homosexual relationship as well.
I've liked and practised with satisfaction in particular soft penetration and some tecniques to delay ejaculation. But other men told me that they managed to experience prostatic orgasms, and that it is something very different from the usual penile orgasm, but very deep indeed. I've never reached it. But I believe these men (they are both homo- and hetero-sexual people)
My partner and I (I'm female) have been avoiding penetrative sex recently as a form contraception and our love life has been better than ever. While you're looking for a longer term answer, try pleasing her in ways that don't involve penetrating her with your penis, although you may need to make it clear that penetration is off the menu so that she knows where you are (or aren't) going with your lovemaking. You make be pleasantly surprised at how you both feel about it, it can be incredibly stimulating for both parties and can help you both to become better lovers when the 'obvious' goal is taken away.
Please read my site as an alternative therapist I practice for this treatment soulcontact.co.uk its helped when you begin basic breathing and meditation as this relaxes the muscles in the brain, it is called tantric massage.
in the uk it is a form of treatment, which comes from india under the culture of adornment of the god Shiva hinduism/buddhism this works for many i have treated.
Here is yet another place where masturbation is helpful. In this case, I'd recommend playing with mutual masturbation, assuming she's up for it. You massage her, and then masturbate her for a while, then let her do you. It would be interesting if that will give you an erection. If so, you two can continue mutual for as long as you like. As another person mentioned, it is great contraception. Or, once you get hard with masturbation, you can have sex in the usual way. If you go soft again, no worries, return to mutual. One thing to know, there is no hurry. My brother, Jeremy, sometimes takes a half-hour before he gets hard. - Cheers, Jenelle, Medibation.com
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