Adult men

I'm watching channel 4's teenagers that need help and it has made me think.... I must be one of many adult men that need help. I'm suffering from stress, and I must emphasize that it is stress and not depression. I have been sent plenty of links but they are all focused on depression and this is not where I am.

The links that I have been given tend to be concentrated with people who are suicidal or are REALLY struggling. This, unfortunately, has been no help to me with my stress.

I am a married man with children and a full time job. I do the housework, shopping and childcare, while my wife holds a senior position with a multi-national company. I do not even consider suicide, where is my help??? I am exhausted, mentally, physically and emotionally!

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  • I was in a similar position some years ago, my company sent me to a therapist. And it was good just to talk to someone, they really do not give much advice. The only lasting memory is "you can't eat a whole Elephant" !

    By which they mean take one step at a time. I would suggest speaking with your GP. But first discuss it with your Wife, try and share the workload.

    We all need Me time.

  • I did see a therapist through work, but I didn't find it very helpful, 50 mins of trying to talk with very little advice.

    I was given 5 sessions and due to my busy life I had to postpone the 3rd session (son being in hospital), and when I did try to rearrange he'd closed my case......

    have tried discussing it many times but rarely get anywhere... <sad face>

  • Marky, sometimes it can seem like there's nothing for people under stress. But the Men's Health Forum actually has an excellent service called beatstress.uk for just this sort of thing. You can text chat and email about anything at all. There are links to other information too.

    We also tend to think that the Samaritans are only for when we're in serious distress but in fact they're there to talk about anything at all, 24/7 – very useful for talking about for stress. Freephone: 116 123

    Good luck.

  • Tried the beat stress, was ok, managed to off load, but the the handler was busy with other chat windows. I looked at the links, but most of them are focused on depression and didn't find anything help full.

  • It sounds like you probably have a good income. Could you not employ someone to do the housework, gardening etc to ease your workload?

  • I'm working on that one.... need to get the house into a position where a cleaner can clean....

  • I know what you mean about a cleaner being unable to clean.

    Our house was such a mess, the floor and surfaces where virtually unseen.

    When I discussed with my wife about employing a cleaner She made the effort to sort stuff out because she was embarrassed at what a cleaner would think. There is a long way to go but things are improving. Getting back to that Elephant, I choose small tasks that I can complete. In my case that is things like sorting out one bag of papers that have been building up or one shelf in the cupboard that we can't really use.

    It is important to do things for yourself sometimes, so you can look back and say I did that.

    And that cleaner, she is young and attractive. Definitely nothing 'going on' but she is nice to look at !

  • the thing is i can deal with one elephant, even two, but when there there is an entire herd rampaging through my life, this is when it becomes and issue!!

    have very little time for me. I have started to go to the gym for an hour a week, which has been a logistical nightmare and I'm staying up a little later to do things like this on the net.....

    At home everyone else just dumps everything everywhere... if it's a clear surface, it isn't for long...... have tried getting everyone else to tidy, but after a few days I have to do it.... i have a saying "if i don't do it today, i'll only have to do it tomorrow....."

    Need to get out of this mindset, but it's VERY difficult!!

  • This really does sound like me a couple of years ago. Things are far from good but they are improving. One thing I started doing was collecting the children's stuff from the floor and just piled it into their bedroom. If they ask where anything was, "try your room".

    A work colleague actually took the extreme step to encourage his daughter to tidy her room by removing the door ! It worked.

    I know I am repeating myself but take one step at a time, find time for yourself. Above all find someone to share your problems, you are not alone.

    Believe it or not your family need you, and not just as a cleaner.

  • You have to be very careful that your stress does not progress into depression. This road is a difficult road. You need time for you as a man and not simply as a couple with your wife. Get help with the domestics and find a good mate to go out with regularly - if you don't have one. Thus will help you break the cycle and find a perspective. Family life is important but so is time for you too.

  • Some good advice there from Bakan. Occasionally leave the house work behind. There our lots of things to do out there. Join a car club, you do not really need a car, be enthusiastic, join a cycling group, probably need a bike! Go swimming or walking. Some Churches have Men's groups, you do not have to be Religious, just interested.

    The point is, you must have a life outside the house.

    Best Wishes

  • I fully understand this, I am trying to go to the gym at least once a week. But as my wife works long hours it is not always possible to commit to specific times. I am working on it, but it will take time.....

  • I say whats not done today leave till tommorow i used to clean clean even if i was sitting down i used to say to myself those curtains dont seem straight and your messing about with them i was getting sressed out and the awful Migraines would kick in now i try and take it easy otherewise it again becomes a compulsion but just think to yourself you are only hurting yourself and it rubs off onto your wife so chill out and say whats not done today wil have to wait until the next day ok .

  • Ah, but in my head it's "if i don't do it today I'll only have to it tomorrow"

    Along with all of tomorrow's stuff......

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