High Functioning Depression

[Bezel75]

I am well educated, work in the health field, and on the outside I look like I have it together, but internally I have so much sadness. Can anyone else relate? My mind just keeps overthinking and I can't just focus on the day and enjoy it. I sometimes think life is long. I also self isolate. When I'm not working I am alone. I don't want to socialize or put in the effort to do so. It's a lonely place.

[Paint4Health]

I can relate. I am able to maintain my professional position at work but when I'm not working, most of my time is spent alone. So even if I am taking a walk, its alone. The thought of going to the gym for a group class is daunting these days when once it used to be something that brought me joy. I notice I spend a lot of time watching tv just to hear other human voices but I understand self isolation is something you should try to avoid to make the depression symptoms better. For example, I listened to an audio book called the Depression Cure. Everything the book shares sounds like a miracle cure but getting the energy up to engage in physical and social activities seems like a lot most days. My main goal is to keep a positive mind, to find things to be grateful for and let those be the foundation of where my mind goes. The good thing about work is that it provides some time to socially interact, for example. But yes, I can really relate Bezel75.

[Bezel75 in reply to Paint4Health]

You get it. I know what will help but I can’t get myself to go to a class or a group. I am going to try an online support group through Live Well and see if that is helpful. Life is hard and perhaps we who suffer with ongoing depression are sensitive to that.

[Raelyn71]

I can totally relate. Especially the self isolation.

[Bezel75 in reply to Raelyn71]

I want to be connected to others but I don’t — that makes no sense! I feel most at peace when I’m alone. I wouldn’t say I’m lonely but sometimes I feel like I should be socially connected.

[Raelyn71 in reply to Bezel75]

It totally makes sense. I feel the same. When I'm alone I feel relaxed. When I am visiting with a friend I feel like have have to be on. It can be exhausting.

[Bezel75 in reply to Raelyn71]

Yes! Having to be ‘on’ is exhausting. Putting on the mask is unbearable sometimes. Thank goodness for quiet time.

[Pastor_of_Muppets]

I also work in the medical field, and "high functioning" is exactly what a psych NP told me I was recently. He believed that my work had taught me to continue to do things despite my personal feelings, and he thought that this was actually a dangerous trait because I give no sign that I'm suicidal. I get out of bed, brush my teeth, comb my hair, and go to work regardless of how completely hollow and hopeless I feel. I can fake it for patients and fellow staff. I don't know how to make anything better, and I'm tired of trying so hard.

[Bezel75 in reply to Pastor_of_Muppets]

I relate to the same feelings you describe. It’s exhausting. Take it one day at a time and do what you can to experience joy and beauty around you. Know that you’re not alone.