someone to talk to

[DallasLover214]

I am currently in a 5 yr trauma bond relationship. I want out but I’m scared to take the first step. I was in a very abusive relationship back in 2002 when I had my first child and that was beyond abusive. He was given a prison sentence for the abuse, rape and attempted murder. I now have a fractured skull and epilepsy and a world of mental issues. I was addicted to IV drug use for 12 yrs and I have 6 yrs clean now. But now I’m in another abusive relationship and I started cutting myself again

[gajh]

Hello and Welcome. Are you in therapy? Do you have anyone supportive in your life? You will find a lot of support here.

[DallasLover214 in reply to gajh]

I’m not in therapy but I do have a support system but I don’t always let them in 😢

[gajh in reply to DallasLover214]

What would it take for you to let them in?

[DallasLover214 in reply to gajh]

I think I started to. I had began to cut again yesterday after my husband abused me again the night before that. I guess you could say that I’m getting to the point where I’m really starting to see that I’m tired. After contacting the crisis hotline and calming down. My mom called me to go over and eat. My older kids live with them bc I couldn’t bring them into this situation. I went over there and also got to see my new grand baby again after a big fight I had with my daughter she let me see her. But I realize they are the ones that have never ever turned their back on me.

[gajh in reply to DallasLover214]

I am sorry I missed this message. Obviously this one was to me. I am so happy you got to see your new grandbaby. Are you able to open up to your Mom at all? Do you think she would be a support to you?

[Hidden in reply to gajh]

Hello to you too. I am new and just starting therapy again. I don't have anyone in my life as a support system and want that to change. I am working on that.

[DallasLover214 in reply to Hidden]

I know it can be hard without a support system. Although I have one, I tend to push them away or not let them in. I remember when I was deep in my drug addiction and homeless by choice bc I refused to move with my family 500 miles away. Those were the toughest times. May I ask what you’re struggling with? It’s crazy bc I went through a 12 yr hard drug addiction but I overcame it. I was locked up and it was my salvation. I am awesome on giving advice and coping skills but I just don’t have the motivation to apply it to myself. Weird huh

[gajh in reply to DallasLover214]

Hello DallasLover I am not sure if you were directing this to FilmNerd or to me. I will answer anyways just in case. I am struggling with depression, anxiety, and agoraphobia, but I have made a lot of progress over the last year. Being here has been a big help to me. I have gotten a lot of support. I can totally relate to having motivation to apply it to myself. So much easier said than done.

[DallasLover214 in reply to gajh]

it was to film nerd but definitely to anyone who can relate. Today for me has been so much better since I found this group. Now it’s just finding the courage to leave. Depression is also taking its toll on me. I’ve been wanting to fix myself up today but still can’t get out of bed

[gajh in reply to Hidden]

Hello FilmNerd Welcome. I am happy you have joined us. Whenever you feel ready, you can make your own post and connect with even more people here. Being here has made such a huge difference in my life. I hope it does for you too.

[Hidden in reply to gajh]

Thank you and I'm sure being here will help.

[Nothing_but_books]

Please seek help for the abuse and the cutting. Call a crisis line and explain what's going on. It's important you have support before it gets worse.

[DallasLover214 in reply to Nothing_but_books]

I did contact the crisis line and it went well. They were the ones that told me about this page. I was able to calm down and gather my thoughts and come up with a safety plan. But my next step is trying to get out the trauma bond that I’m in

[Nothing_but_books in reply to DallasLover214]

If you haven't got in touch with domestic abuse advocates yet, do it. Call 211 and see what local resources are available.

Here's the national site. They will know who to put you in touch with too.

thehotline.org/

[DallasLover214 in reply to Nothing_but_books]

yes I have. I got the numbers for many shelters. It’s just so hard to take the next step. Leaving my home that we worked so hard to get and making it cozy home

[Nothing_but_books in reply to DallasLover214]

I can imagine the hopes and dreams you put into all that work. I'm so sorry you're faced with leaving the dreams behind. It's easier to pretend things will get better, but when you know they won't, you do.

Get all the support you can to stay strong. I like the site I've linked below, but be aware it has some triggering posts.

reddit.com/r/domesticviolence/

[Raggedy-Ann]

RUN! Find your feet, be strong and RUN. Don't break up alone, do it over the phone or in a public place with a friend or two standing by. Change the locks, block his number. It is hard as hell but go no contact. You have done this before so you know how this will go. Find a women's support group, go as often as you can. You are not alone. Don't allow another person to make your life scary. I strongly advise not dating for awhile until you and your therapist can work through what draws you to that kind person. Start plowing You are a strong, powerful woman. Don't bully yourself. This is just a mistake on your road to learning. Check out Berne' Brown on netflix She talks about courage and vulnerability, you will laugh and learn. Try not to cut, scars tell your secrets. Again don't be your own bully. Get back to people who love you and are safe. I hope some of this helps. - Raggedy

[DallasLover214 in reply to Raggedy-Ann]

Raggedy-Ann, tysm! I’m trying, I’m still trying, I’m packed but my feet won’t move. I will definitely look into getting into a women’s group. The cutting has been far from my mind today as I’m just trying to find the motivation and strength to leave. Why do I care so much about the thought of him with someone else when I know how bad he is?

[Raggedy-Ann]

Yeah. I get it. I really struggled to finally stop thinking about him being happy with someone else especially since I was miserable. He found someone else. I was so lucky he moved on as I was so codependent. I wanted him to love me even though he was cruel. I get the screwed up thinking. Trust me, the sooner you get out the easier it will be. I spent years with that asshole. I can't get that time back. I could have maybe found someone good. Maybe I could have been happier, felt better about myself..... You can leave, be strong, follow your primitive sense of self preservation. I am cheering for you.

[DAR81]

Do you have a therapist?

I hope you can get help and support.

It’s heartbreaking to think there are so many evil people in this world.

It’s just too much.

[Midori]

Please, for your own safety, get out of there. Is there a number you could call or a refuge you can go to?

It's what I had to do to get myself and my kids away from my ex, I don't recommend you going straight to your mum's in case he comes over and causes trouble. Would the police help you?

I'm in Britain so I don't know how things work across the pond.

Are there any pro bono Lawyers out there?