How do you get back to work when everything feels so hard?

[OrangeGlitter]

I’m new here and kind of just need to vent to someone who understands. For two years, I worked in a negative work environment. There was bullying, sexual harassment, and racial discriminations. Everyone was overworked and sometimes didn’t pay properly. The work environment had many safety concerns and was unsanitary. Management always made us feel like we were machines, and never addressed any complaints. It was bad for everyone, but I think because of my childhood experience, it was triggering and a big hit for my already low self-esteem.

I felt worthless. For months I felt a numbness. I couldn’t focus on my work or keep up. I struggled getting out of bed to get to work on time. People who did care would keep asking me if I was ok, and I would always just say I was tired, but I was really just on the verge of crying most times. I kept my eyes open for other jobs, but one day I just couldn’t take it. I drove to work, sat in my car for a while, and just turned away and drove back home cause I couldn’t even bare the thought of going back inside.

I feel selfish for leaving and weak for not sticking it out until I found another job. I feel like a burden because of the loss of income and struggling to make ends meet. I was hospitalized under a danger to self harm call, and now I have that added bill to pile on everyone else.

I have no motivation. I feel lazy cause I can’t get up from the couch and do my chores. My house is a mess and I have no excuse because I have no where to be. I struggle concentrating on filing out job applications correctly and all the other documents that go with it. I have had a few interviews, but I feel like I can’t even pretend I’m a person long enough to fake a smile or be friendly. The thought of even having to interact with a whole new group of people makes my head hurt.

It doesn’t really matter, cause I have to get back to work. My family depends on it. I just don’t know how to snap out of it. Sorry if this is too much. I don’t really have too many people around that understand this feeling, and I can’t pay for any therapy at the moment. I guess I just need someone’s advice.

I just want to know how do people find the will to work when you have nothing left to give?

[BrahmNm]

Sorry For you are going through. I don't have much advise. I also struggling the same.As it's took so long period to understand my problem by my family,So I accept outsider won't understand . I Aanxious and fear in my mind for work place,dealing with people,with things.Felt so tired of this.glad to had communication with you.

[OrangeGlitter in reply to BrahmNm]

Thanks for taking the time to listen. It does sometimes feel like no one else understands, so it’s nice to hear from someone going through the same feelings.

[Hidden]

Focus on what you did right. For 2 years you hung in there despite the fact that there was bullying, sexual harassment, and racial discrimination. You went to work and did your work even when the bosses didn't pay you what you were owed, overworked you, ignored safety concerns, and the working conditions were unsanitary. Sounds to me like you were a great employee who was under appreciated by a bunch of jerks who didn't have the skills necessary to be management. There are lots of people who wouldn't make it two years under those circumstances.

Start small. Today think of one thing that you can do. It may be just taking a shower or cooking a meal but do one thing. Tomorrow do one thing. Keep on doing one thing each day. Eventually you will feel good enough that you can do two things per day. Little by little you will make progress. It takes time to heal. Give yourself that time.

Get plenty of sleep. Eat healthy food. Be good to yourself. You are not weak or selfish for leaving this job. Don't worry about paying the hospital bill until after you have found a job and are financially secure. Tell the bill collectors you are unemployed and don't have the money to pay and then stop answering their calls.

Being depressed is not the same as being lazy. Depression is an illness just like cancer and diabetes. Depression is not something you can snap out of. Depression is caused by an imbalance of hormones in your body. Some people benefit from taking anti-depression medication and talk therapy. All of us benefit from alternative therapies like listening to music, massage, journaling, etc., so do something enjoyable every day.

[OrangeGlitter in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I actually teared up a little reading it. I meant a lot to me. I think I need to learn how you reframe everything in a more positive light like you do.

[Cjhays]

I am sorry you are struggling. I wish I could help you. But I am in the same boat. Are you in any medications?

[kayyy17]

At one point i was able to relate so much to this post. A few years ago i had a job at a gas station. I worked the night shifts and people would call out all the time so id end up working a double shift. Management were ass holes and i would get in trouble for locking the front door to take a 15 min break/lunch. They wanted me to work through it.. i was a single mom and had also just been screwed over by my roommate and so i couldnt afford my rent no matter how much overtime i worked. Eventually i was so worn down i stopped showing up. Of course, they fired me.. i fell into a depression and got evicted. Lost everything. I ended up living in my car for years and my son had to stay with his dad. His dad a d i could t get along and eventually he moved away without telling me where and stopped letting me talk to my son. I couldnt really go to court because i was barely surviving every day at this point so who would i be trying to get custody of my baby? It broke .y heart. Being homeless, broke, losing mt identity as a mommy, it was so shameful and i jjst didnt even want to go on anymore. But i knew that i has to because i didnt wanf my son to have to find out that his mom was so weak she couldnt fight for him I wanted to be abke ro come back and have a place for him so he could see that he was inportant to me. Well i still dont have a place to live of my own but i am renting a room and have a full time job. It was so hard at first but i spent allt of time letting my enotions exist and just feeling them. Nusic helped. And art helped. I spent hours just creating some horrible art but then but it was therapeutic and it healed me in time.