Struggling to look after myself living alone.

[eescvc]

Hi,

I live with a flatmate but I essentially live alone. I work full time and spend most evenings and weekends visiting my family so I'm not lonely and useless.

This weekend I've been home and alone for the first time ever as my family are away. I take MTX on a Friday evening and I've been basically bed bound this whole time. I hate it. I feel alone and very isolated.

I'm seriously considering moving back in with my parents. But it would feel like such a backwards step. I'm 26 years old, and I love my flat and all the belongings I have collected over the years. I would have to move into a tiny box room and be selective about what I was able to keep. But I would have company, help when I needed it, and I wouldn't be having to pay so much in rent and could maybe reduce my hours at work as well.

I don't know what the hell to do. It is definitely my health pushing me in this direction, so I thought maybe some of you guys would have some advice from this point of view.

Thanks in advance.

[Penguintaz]

Hi Eescvc,

This is a big decision. I am so sorry that your health is the main driving factor in it. You do need to think about what is best for you though. If having someone around to help while you rest is needed then maybe talk to your parents about it. Or possibly get closer to your flat mate?

Have you spoken to work about different hours?

Maybe some one can help, do you have a friend or family member than could pop by now and then? If it gets desperate maybe I could?

I really hope you can get into a nice remmison soon and that you find a routine that is not too tiring X

[eescvc in reply to Penguintaz]

I'm really lucky that my family actually only live a 5 minute drive away from me. This weekend has been particularly hard as they are away for the weekend as is my flatmate so I'm completely alone for first time. And MTX is really affecting me this weekend where as it's been hit and miss up until now with side affects. I've only been on it since Christmas.

My flatmate and I are pretty close, just she is away for work a lot as she works full time hours in the week plus is a dancer most evenings and weekends.

I think working full time is really taking its toll on me but if I reduce my hours I would not be able to afford to stay in my flat so it's something I'm scared about.

I think having had a tough weekend has made me a bit home sick honestly but this is a situation I keep going back to in my mind. My lease ends in September so I think that's a good amount of time for me to better judge the situation and hopefully my health begins to improve. It was seemingly really good until the last week or so and I think I'm beginning to majorly flare unfortunately.

Thanks for your response I really appreciate it.

[Penguintaz in reply to eescvc]

Definitely, see how you get on X

[overnighthearingloss]

I think if you are considering moving back with your parents you should also discuss it with them. I don't know how long it has been since you left your parents house but dynamics can change.

Are you eating as well as possible? This makes a huge difference. Poor food inputs will not give best energy outputs.

Moving back may sound like a good idea but sometimes when you have got used to independence it may not be.

[whisperit]

Sorry to hear you've had sucha miserable weekend, eescvc. This stuff is hard to cope with at the best of times, and we humans are social critters. Being alone is often very hard even when we are feeling well.

Anyway, one thought is to work out what elements of being alone this weekend have been hardest, and which could be ameliorated without moving back home. For instance, if it's the purely practical things like cooking and cleaning, then there might be straightforward solutions there (mine would mostly involve not doing them ) If it's not having someone to chat with, perhaps you could substitute scheduling a skype call to a friend or something like that? Even "journaling" or something like that can help as it encourages you to imagine a friendly audience for your thoughts and experiences.

For me, the worst bit of being alone when I feel rough is just missing the sense of security - a rather irrational feeling since it would always be down to me to sort myself out/decide to call 999 or whatever. But there is just something about having another humans around that is comforting, isn't there?

I wonder if having a pet might help?

Sorry I haven't any answers and hope you feel much better soon x

[eekt]

That's a tricky one eescvc, and can empathise with the struggle...would there be an option of group living around where you are? A bigger flat with like-minded people who enjoy independence but can provide back-up when needed? It can be daunting living with a lot of people - I shared with seven once, and whenever I was cooking, all the girlfriends and boyfriends came along !...but I did enjoy mass cook-ins then - but as long as there is enough space to retreat when need be, it has so many benefits...for one, there was always someone hanging out in the kitchen, whatever the time of day or night!

Do have a chat with your family about it! Hoping if it's a flare, it's well-controlled and brief, be well xxx

[eescvc]

Thanks for all the advice. I think having a bad weekend made me feel really home sick. I'm going to see how the next 6 months go and when my lease ends in September have a really big think about my future living situation. Thanks again.

[Hidden]

Am so sorry your feeling so lonely and so unwell it’s so tough on you. Sit down and plan the positive and negative aspects of staying where you are and moving back home. Have you applied for care. If you are severe your entitled to a carer. Get in touch with dial. Get in touch with all your friends and family explain how you feel and see who can visit and help out. You need someone to cook clean and shop for you whilst you rest. Surround yourself with positive helpful people and only only take on tasks you know you can do. Get a diary write down your symptoms what your eating and your thoughts and feelings it all helps to give you a better idea what’s going on in your life. Take a step back ease up on work commitments. If your lucky at work you could maybe speak to someone who could help you whilst your there. How do you get to work does someone pick you up and drop you off. Look at everything that’s tiring you out and if your feeling low and down speak to friends and family who can support you. Make a plan to feee up your time and see what changes you can do. It’s a big decision that your facing. Take your time and things have a way of working themselves out. Join a group or meet up with friends even if it’s just them calling to see you to cheer you up. If your lease runs out could you rent somewhere more affordable or do you prefer time with your family. Could you change your job to one that’s less demanding. Maybe with a few changes everything will be so much easier for You. Sit down with your friends and family explain how you feel, listen to what they have to say and in time you can make some changes. I am hoping and praying your feeling much better soon and everything works out well for you. Have something to look forward to such as a holiday or break away. The only way I feel better is no alcohol, healthy diet fresh air and meditation now working on a better sleep pattern. You will need a complete overhaul of your life to see what helps and what’s not helping at all. Take care and wishing you the very best. Have a great week. 😀

[Peppytea]

Hey lovely eescvc,

I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with all of these horrible difficult decisions.

What I would say is this - as difficult as it is to let go of these things you have acertained over the years and as horrid it would be moving back into a box room, what happiness would it give your soul to be back home with your family. You’ve already said you would have company and family, and perhaps reduce your hours so that you can get yourself better.

It comes down to this - do these items you’ve obtained over the years mean more than your health and your loneliness? And there is no right or wrong answer because everyone is different - isn’t that wonderful? ☺️

It’s a heavy decision to make, but remember that nothing is set in stone. You can always go back to your roots, and even leave again when you feel better.

Please let us know how you get on my dear 💖🌟