shame

[CarnelianAmber]

I just read the book “The Woman” by Kristin Hannah. It is about women in the Viet Nam war. It is not only about the heroics of their work, it is also about the experience of PTSD in the aftermath. I have not been in war and have not experienced that kind of trauma. What absolutely slammed me in reading this book was addressing the topic of shame. What an enormous impact experiencing being shamed can have. And there are many different ways in which shaming can be used to attempt to silence, control, dominate, and bring deep devastation to the one being shamed. I was able to move forward from so much of my trauma. Of my experiences of sexual assault among other abuses. The thing that keeps slapping me down year after year is the shame others try to instill in me for even speaking about my experiences. And what a variety of methods to try to shame me: From ridiculing, minimizing, discounting, avoiding and shunning me to absolutely disowning me as a family member. This all became so clear. Well, I am not ashamed. I refuse to accept their definitions of me. I refuse to accept the shame they would have me bound, silenced and controlled with. I have other relationships that are closer than family to me. I will continue to heal and grow.

[Dolphin14 Moderator]

CarnelianAmber

I read this book over the summer. The one thing that stuck with me was when the woman went for some help with her PTSD and was basically laughed out the door. " there were no women in Vietnam" I was so upset by this. They didn't carry guns but they were on the front lines medically.

This book has stuck with me all these months. Your post is very descriptive and well written.

I carry no shame with my diagnosis but it took me years to get here. I openly tell people I have PTSD not many ask how I got here, some say they are sorry and others just skate over it.

Personally I want them to just absorb the concept. I want them to see that high functioning people can be carrying heavy wounds that are not visible.

It's sad we have to lose people along the way but putting ourselves first is what this is all about.

Thank you for this great post. I'm glad you are standing strong

❤️🐬

[Shnookie]

As we say in Hebrew, Kol ha Kavod, all of the respect to you. You are a strong woman standing up for yourself. Please stay close to thr people who support you. You are very brave to come on HU. We R supportive of U. I’m here 4 R U. hugs 🤗 S

[Daylightsaving]

Well done, your voice is important, just as you are. The fight to be seen and heard as survivors of trauma is ongoing, hard and sometimes demoralising but it's important. I'm so glad you found the book, it seems to have given you strength and renewed belief in yourself. You deserve to be heard.

[Mamamichl]

I have RSD with my ADHD, so I feel shame deeply, even if someone is just asking something for clarification. I had my ptsd from my parents, especially, and though it was hard, disowning my mother from the shame she constantly gives has been beneficial for my mental health. Now how to figure out work…

I am extremely proud of you btw. Being able to look inside and not shame yourself is a good skill to have. I am in DBT and working on that very thing. Though I have made progress, I have a ways to go.

[CarnelianAmber]

Not trying to be preachy…just sharing something that helped me. Biblically, historically? For me, understanding that while Jesus was beaten, crowned with thorns, spit upon, accused, rejected and put to death on the cross, he “despised the shame”. (really, not trying to be “religious”.) But the idea that a human being could be put through so much publicly “humiliating” abuse. Considering the entirety of the physical onslaught which he received, he rejected the shame that others would attach to the situation. I was in an abusive relationship many years ago. One evening that I could sense things might go very badly it hit me hard, occurred to me deep within myself, and I spoke out saying “you might think you are going to hurt me but you cannot touch the real me, the depth of who I am. I am more than just this body that you are thinking of hurting and you cannot touch the me that is ME”. It was a revelation to me when those words came out of my mouth. And that has stayed with me as I grew along the way. I believe that we are all so much more than these physical bodies that we have to contend with. Because something may touch our body or find our ears, it does not get to find a place in our heart. I wish you all the best ever. I hope you come to see the deep and rich value of who you are…that part of you that no one can take away.

[Starrlight]

“I refuse to accept their definitions of me. I refuse to accept the shame they would have me bound, silenced and controlled with. I have other relationships that are closer than family to me. I will continue to heal and grow.”

-This is very inspiring to me. Thank you. You are anazing