Not a clue ahead

[winternight]

Recent days were quite difficult. As much as that I didn't even want to hide it. I came across something that just numbed my mind, I couldn't believe it when it happened... Since then I am not able to digest it, think about it or talk about it. There are just chills in a corner of my mind. I need answers but maybe I don't want to because they might be too bad to handle. I don't know what's the true and what's fake anymore. I don't know if I know the person closest to me. What if I never did. That will break me. There seems only two possible explanations and both are so bad that I can't dare to try to know. I am trying to suppress it and shut my brain. I came to college after 4 days. Its not the same anymore... I was sitting in the class when this happened out of nowhere and I broke down in the middle of the class, I went to the washroom and couldn't get out after that. A senior helped otherwise this hand didn't stop this time by myself. Everything rushed into the mind with a burst. And i am still under it, because it's really scary. I feel I have noone.

[Nathalie99 Partner]

This sounds really scary, winternight.I am so sorry you are going through this especially when you are trying to focus on your studies.

Sometimes it's possible to suppress trauma but at a certain point things might start to come out.

I wouldn't want to try and unpack this all on your own.

Can you find a therapist that specialises in ptsd or in a particular type of trauma?

The regular therapy often doesn’t help for ptsd.

It is a normal reaction to a very extreme experience.

When I was going through intense ptsd I needed people around me. I would go to places that were comforting. Anything that helped me feel a bit more safe.

I hope you have places like that...

[Dolphin14 Moderator]

Winternight

These things re surfacing sound very upsetting. I'm so sorry this is happening

Do you have a trauma specialist you can reach out to? Are there any type of support services at school?

I understand you may not be ready to dig into these memories and that's ok. Perhaps just sharing this bit with a professional they can help you de escalate the intensity so you can feel more secure.

Thinking of you

🐬

[BrainIsFull]

That sounds terrifying! I am familiar with ending up in this kind of state. It is just torturous. I know that it feels like you can't survive it. I have felt like that so many times but I always come out on the other side and I am confident that you will too!

You have gotten some good advice here from Nathalie and Dolphin. And I am glad that you posted here. Part of you is leading you to do things that are helpful for you.

We are all supporting you here! I am sending you comfort and strength!💚💚💚