PTSD… why me?

[GriffinK]

hello all and Happy New Year! My first post to share feelings I’ve had for a year, but didn’t understand. I thought it was my hypertension, but after several appointments, I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety and PTSD.

I am a principal at an alternative school and it has been difficult with the students and preventing teachers from quitting. My breakdown happened in Nov after my assistant past away from cancer. I constantly worry about my school, students and staff. I’m on leave until Feb, but I feel I’m letting my students down.

I’m currently on anxiety meds which make me feel in different moods during the day. At my last follow up, I told my doctor I was ready to return to work. Soon after, I broke down in tears. I also have a therapist that I see regularly.

I’m thankful to join this community as I navigate my emotions to a better me.

GriffinK

[Hidden]

Hi, welcome, and happy new year to you as well! Bless you for being in the teaching field (and at an alternative school no less!)!

[GriffinK in reply to Hidden]

thank you so much! Yes, this pandemic has shown so many needs for our students to deal with anxiety and conflict management. It’s hard for my teachers as well. I truly love my school!

[Hidden in reply to GriffinK]

You're welcome! I used to help teach those with special needs. Although no longer with my students, I do wonder how they got on duriing the pandemic.When I was in HS, I had an unofficial class that was essentially group therapy. There were groups of about 10 students that had a teacher as the leader.

Alternative school is last resort before juvenile detention, right? My sister-in-law taught a year at alternative school. She said it was rough. She taught science and said it was a challenge creating scientific experiments for them that could be done without bunsen burners and the like.

[GriffinK in reply to Hidden]

Yes! Our school receives students from other high schools that are expelled. Some already have felonies and are in gangs at such a young age. I’m considering going back to special education. I miss the teaching part. I hope you have an amazing day!

[Hidden in reply to GriffinK]

I hope you do as well!

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Hi GriffinK,

Welcome to the community.

it sounds that you care so much for your students and teachers. Sometimes being very caring can feel like a lot and it is harder to take care of your own needs because you are constantly putting others first. It may be subconscious.

I am very deeply sorry that you lost your assistant to cancer. Death of someone close would be a huge factor and big changes that followed, must have been very tough to find a way through.

Sometimes it is important to take time away for yourself and take the pressure off. Feel safe and allow for the processing of what happened. It hits very hard but it is hopefully temporary.

Have you thought of trying a trauma therapist, if you haven't already?

PTSD is often a sign that our bodies can't handle any more and need a break. It is very hard to allow this to heal because there is a pressure to be always busy, all of the time, and only in recent years people have spoken up about it.

I hope that you find some comfort in knowing you are not alone, that there are other people who get it and that you have people to talk to...

[GriffinK in reply to Nathalie99]

thank you so much for this! I needed it. My problem is that I’m so passionate about my school, I put the work before myself.

I didn’t realize how much I needed to rest. I’m currently seeing a therapist and it has worked well to learn different coping strategies. My family have been my best cheerleaders through this. I’m thankful to be a part of such a supportive community!