When Mean People Trigger You...

[comb]

How do you deal with egotistical people who speak really harmfully to you?

I just got off the call with a client who just ripped me a part, and I know I'm not going to work with him in the future, but it just makes me feel so powerless and hurt.

It feels like harassment and it makes me feel so gross and depressed. And now I feel like I can't function and I have so much work to do. I hate this feeling, and I feel like I just complain to my family about it and they tell me I shouldn't have worked with him in the first place. But they don't really understand how deeply it hurts when someone is so rude and you have PTSD from a sexual assault. It's like I'm right back in that place of being harmed by some man and it makes me feel so untrusting and small.

[hypercat54]

What a nasty man and I understand how you must feel. It is up to you however to be in complete charge of your own emotions and you can deal with this man any way you like.

You don't have to converse with anyone you don't wish to so learn to recognise when you start feeling triggered and end the conversation straight away by saying something like I don't see any point in continuing this so I am going to hang up now. If you want to be less polite tell him to get stuffed and hang up on him.

Once you start being more assertive you will start getting some of your power back. It's a great feeling trust me! You will then know you can protect yourself without being made to feel like this.

I used to fret and worry when people were funny with me but now I stop them and tell them (if you have to deal with them again). You can say something like 'this isn't a topic for discussion'.

I was at work once and asked the team leader a question. She responded by shouting that she was at lunch. I walked off and stewed about it then after lunch went up to her and said calmly 'I am sorry I interrupted your lunch but please don't shout at me again' and walked off. She didn't ever do it again and boy did I feel good. It's gets easier the more you do it too.

[Nathalie99 Partner]

I am sorry you have been triggered, Comb.

Sometimes something about a person can be similar to abuser and that can bring a flashback. I hope you can pass this customer on to someone else and not speak to him. He has no right to rip you apart and you have the right to speak up and say that it is not acceptable.

It might not make the triggers go away as this is most likely an association with trauma but setting boundaries will help you feel stronger in yourself.

Sending support...

[SavingGrace Administrator]

I'm so sorry Comb. I've had dealings in my university days with such obnoxious people.

I still find it hard dealing 20 years after from the after-math of living with such people in my university days. Being someone who expects everyone to have a dignified level of civil dealings, it really was hard for me to cope with anyone so rude and obnoxious. The best thing you can do, if you can, in the short term is to just walk away.

Walk far away and never look back. Don't even question yourself, not seek for their approval or apology, because I regret it may never come.

And as hypercat54 says, focus on building your own inner confidence and strength, so when - and hopefully never - you have to meet such the likes again, you will be better placed to counter back.

I always remember my Grandma's words regarding such people.... that they were never brought up to be decent human beings. That's not an excuse at all..... but it's reason to just let them go and not try to reason or find an answer from those whom have created such pain.

And I have learnt that such people are just a minority of the population and should be disregarded in terms of how much to allow them to influence your life's perspective.

Please do not allow one spoiled apple to ruin the whole harvested basket xxx

[socratesanne]

Hold your ground and rise above such people who are not worth you little finger. He superiority will back fire and take its toll on those around him. Society is getting wiser but it takes time and kindness or walks away works for your equilibrium. It is hard when they tap what makes us all special, our emotions. thank goodness for them. Sorry you had to deal with a person like that.

My favorite phrase for me is " RIse above this." Sad we have to remind ourself but the ingrained role we have played is a thing of the past. It is good you caught it. I am negligent at the perception to walk away and remenber when it is to late to rise above such behavior.

I find injecting time in such interchanges before I respond does help, If I am not too flustered. It needs to be practiced as it is not easy as we are too kind but do not want to be the the alternative. I try to Breath through it before I respond. Glad you told family to not keep it stored in you and put is back on him.

I like to use a Tonglund method from Pema Chodran if I can remember. Pretend I have a freind who feels this way and wish the friend what would be helpful. You can wish it to me, a stranger if you cannot think of anyone. It helps your friend and you at the same time with an enhanced energy field for you both. I wish this for all woman...