sceptic in my mind

[bowJim]

stumbled across this today, my inability to make decisions, not really understood why but this video from 'future life now' was interesting to me. youtu.be/wCJ4PlLFzMk(Not working as expected?)

[Dolphin14 Moderator]

bowJim

Thank you so much for posting this. It's very informative and if you can share how this approach works for you I would love to hear it.

I would like to point out that right under your video is a video from Richard Schwartz who is the founder of IFS if you are interested.

I took quite a few notes on this presentation of the inner critic. I want to present this to my IFS therapist to help me understand this thought regarding inner critic.

My inner critic is my mothers voice. I spent my whole life hearing her over my left shoulder criticizing my every move. Over time I have learned to shut her voice down. I've learned that her negative talk became the source of diminishing my self esteem, self worth and ability to enjoy my accomplishments. She was wrong and her negativity made me second guess myself.

Now when I hear her in the distance I turn her off completely and tell myself she was wrong.

I need to watch this again, analyze and get clarity on the difference in approach.

Thank you again for this very informative video. I will never stop educating myself. It's part of our road to healing

🐬

[bowJim in reply to Dolphin14]

Great reading your post, the sense of feeling I get from our common ground and experiences are heart felt, even though I have adjusted with my ongoing therapy, to share and hear your thoughts help me to feel I am not alone, that this was what really happended to me, helps enourmously.

It was extremely hard for me to stop a relationship with my own mother once I understood she was part of the abuse, dealing with my shame, guilt, you know all the emotions I know you do, but once I stopped it was a major part of my recovery. It is kind of strange that we talk about childhood truma as inreality we know this never stopped, right into adulthood, I mean the constant negative, degrading comments from a mother to their child.

Well, here is my take on the critical voice, I know I question my ability, my choices, well just about question everything I do, is it right, is it done right, could I do better, very undecisive, It has driven me mad, I just want to do something and walk away, its done, so critical about myself, it is obsessive.

Both parents were critical, from making a cup of tea, practically anything, it was so intense, it did not stop, the watching over my shoulder, never good enough, no matter how much I tried to please mum and dad I so loved, I was never good enough. I believe this is where my issues stem with moving forward, I read they call it interpersonal relationships from a caregiver.

I fit this brief like a glove!

Thanks for the pointer on the IFS video, I will take a look.

I share the same feelings, learning helps me to understand, calms my mind helps me to settle.

Best wishes

[Dolphin14 Moderator in reply to bowJim]

Thank you for sharing how you see the inner critic. We are on the same page. Childhood trauma carried all the way through our lives.... amazing isn't it. Something that really surprises me with this is quite a few of us only began to absorb the whole impact in middle age. How did we get this far and then hit the wall of reality?

We were in the formative years when we were programmed. Our responses were survival tactics. It amazes me that a little person has the awareness to learn to adapt to keep life as peaceful as possible.

I've connected with my " little girl" she is so brave and strong. Unfortunately she continued to carry the burdens through my adulthood. With my IFS work I have been able to set her free for the most part. She's still there and can be triggered easily but I now know how to help her.

Thank you for sharing your journey here on this site. I believe through continued dialog we can all help each other grow.

Peace to you

🐬

[bowJim in reply to Dolphin14]

Thank you, I am reading Bessell van de Kolk's book, well listening to it on audio via audible, 'the body keeps the score' facinating read, his life story in essence, and the people he met and treated along the way. This is where I am finding out about new therapies, another I came across in this last chapter is feldenkrais therapy. Have you come across this before?

Not sure if you have the same experiences but I have not felt in tune with my body for as long as I know, even to the point I could not feel my own strength, bit clumsy at times, a bit over strong with handling things too, may be a bit of disconnection with the body. So I found the feldenkrais therapy intersting, certainly calms me, the cup hand methods.

[Dolphin14 Moderator in reply to bowJim]

I had to get a bigger note book to jot down some of these things you are introducing me to

I have not read that book but I have heard some great reviews from people on HU.

I had not heard of the Feldenkrais therapy so I googled. Please correct me if I'm wrong as I want to learn as much as I can. It's a form of movement and sort of reminded me of Tai Chi? Does that sound accurate, connecting the mind and body. I tried to self learn Tai Chi but I failed I do practice yoga.

The cup hands method was not as way to find. Is this anything like tapping?

I describe my life as robotic. I went through the motions but I was not often present. It's very sad to me what I missed.

[bowJim in reply to Dolphin14]

I like that, not to sound corny but we have some similar past experience, like similar abuse, interpersonal abuse from a caregiver and I also like the knowledge, so much I don't stop learning, not sure if this all relates to past events or just personality, but it is a reasuring feeling that you are similar.

In my learning I find the disconnection or dysfunction with the body and mind seem to be a symptom of people who have experienced abuse, I normally go back to the thought 'I am enough' as for many years I felt I was not.

My GP who was helpful in giving me medication would also end with, have you tried tai chi, at this time I had extreme pain, when I tried the Tai Chi it just did not resinate with me, I could not settle with the it, yet with the somatic therapy, and feldenkrais there seems more stretching of the body, similar gentle movements, just for me it feels better, I feel more connected.

My take on this is what you say the disconnection has been strong for me, and this method of therapy, either the tapping ( are you referring to the EMDR) does feel nice for me, I feel benefits.

My recovery journey is fairly recent, once I learnt to understand how my past had affected me, I did feel anger, sadness, lots of emotions in fairness, I do feel I have processed this better now and with daily self administerd therapy I am feeling much better, I kind of feel I am moving forward and enjoy the therapy that works with touch to my body I like to combine this with positive affirmations, guided meditations, I be interested in your take on it.

[Dolphin14 Moderator in reply to bowJim]

Hi

Thank you for your reply. Each time we communicate there are more similarities. I also rely on meditations and positive affirmations to help me. I am very dedicated to my exercise. I do yoga as I mentioned. Stretching is another quiet activity that I find peaceful. I also do other things that aren't as centered but are good for my cardiac health etc.

I have done EMDR. Have you done that? It was very helpful in desensitizing a big trauma I experienced in my 30's. Of note, my reaction to this trauma was directly related to how I was raised. I felt alone, fearful and incompetent. Yet, I was fully capable, due to my career, to handle the situation. The outcome was not within my control and I knew that. My inner critic... you can't do this, you are going to fail, and you will be talked about for failing. I did not fail

Tapping I learned from a guided meditation. Certain rhythms are performed on areas like shoulder or thighs and it has a calming effect for anxiety. Im not sure if this is referred to as cupping in your country.

I have worked in different therapies for 6 years. Determination to get well was the driving factor. I was willing to do whatever I had to.

I found an online school called Coursera. I have taken multiple free classes on meditation, mindfulness, happiness, Buddhism and psychology. These have been very helpful.

We are on similar paths to healing. I have learned to live in the moment. I have peace finally. It's something I have been searching for as far back as I can remember.

Continue on your path to healing. I'm sending you positive vibes. Thank you so much for this communication. I have learned from the exchange and I'm hoping it is helping others.

Namaste

[bowJim in reply to Dolphin14]

Quite a revalation not sure if the similarities are personality or past experience, that is my analytical mind going into overdrive, I do believe the analytical or never good enough is from the abuse, It has not served me all bad as it did, I feel, make me stonger and give up, always strive for better, not that I am proud of that now, it drove me mad.

I went back to massage therapy this year after a long break, and guess what, my massage therapy has PTSD, parental influence, she says she increasingly has new clients learning of their past, she refers to the now as the information era, I agree.

I was introduced to somatic healing, stretching, floor work, I like it just did not realise how stiff I am, Do you have pain? muscle, tissue pain? not from the excercise but the mental health.

I have done a little EMDR and will do more come October, I still have some processing to do, some things are still bothering me. I find it a help, like you seem to say, I feel that I need a holistic approach to getting well or to feel stable, the therapies work great.

Corsera, here is another! How come you chose Corsera out of all the learning platforms! the whole learning thing is a big part of my life too, I started on Corsera with Dr Santos the Wellbeing course, my first ever course, loved it!

I feel your vibes - best wishes.

[Dolphin14 Moderator in reply to bowJim]

Striving for perfection... I excelled in my career. So there is a similarity there as well. Good came out of it, or so we thought. Perfection was a way for me to stay under the radar and not get pulled aside for doing something wrong. It was a coping mechanism. I can relate to it driving you mad. I didn't see what was happening as I was living it but I certainly see it now.

Im sorry your massage therapist has PTSD. In a way this is a bonus for you. Something you both can speak about and understand each other.

I carry my stress in my hip ( weird) and my shoulders. Since I have been doing yoga and stretching I haven't felt this in quite some time.

Ok, here we found another similarity. It seems we are working our issues in the same way. I found Corsera googling free classes. I wanted to learn about Buddhism and it was the only one that had it listed as an offering. I did take the one you mentioned

We are certainly on the right path. Learning how we " tick" and continuous education.

🐬

[bowJim in reply to Dolphin14]

Internal family systems, I was surprised, made a lot of sense to me, I will do more work here, I can identify the similarites between different therapies, in so much of learnt behaviour and automatic responses to things are generated from my subconscious mind, I can at times see my actions from a third person prospective, you know like looking at myself.

I have kind of always known I had this almost split personality, like I would react than regret it, the unconsious or negative leant behaviour would just kick in so quickly but I had no idea why. I am the sum of my parts, I get this clearly. best wishes.