****trigger warning**** Stillbirth

[Lindyloo53]

it is three years since my great grand daughter was born forever sleeping. I cannot write things when things are too close, too soon after an event. I have healed but thought you might be interested in some of the poetry I have written and the process around Jarleahs birth. She was full term and was kicking in the morning and by the time of the midwifes appointment in the afternoon her heart had stopped beating and she was gone before she was born. My PTSD kicked in big time aroundthis birth but I have processed the trauma and can now write about it.

The mother of Jarleah, my grand daughter Grace, is due to have another baby on Jarleahs birthday but they are going to take this baby two weeks early or earlier if there seems to be a problem.

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We did not hear your first cry

We waited but it wasn’t there

We did not see your faltering steps

Because you didn’t take them

We did not soothe your teething gums

Because there were no teeth

We did not see your first kindy picture

Because you did not draw it

We did not enrol you at school

Because you couldn’t start

This because you were born 

without a beating heart

We do not forget you

Because you are still whanau

And you are still... forever still.

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I read this at Jarleahs funeral. We had her at home with us for three days in her forever bed.

Her tiny body was karanga into my daughters home. (A karanga is an element of cultural protocol of the Māori people of Aotearoa New Zealand. It is an exchange of calls that forms part of the pōwhiri, a Māori welcoming ceremony.) by a Kuia (an elderly maori woman) and my daughter responded to the call as she had learned to do.

Jahleah

We never saw you smile

Or the colour of your eyes

We never heard your laughter

And never heard your cries

You didn’t hear ‘I love you’

You didn’t see us weep

Your spirit left your body

And you were born asleep

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I hope this has not made anyone sad. For whanau (family) bonds were strengthened by Jarleahs birth. We have healed as a whanau.

[Nathalie99 Partner]

I am very sorry for your loss and pain 💔Your poems touched me very deeply, it is expressed so evocatively and goes straight to the heart.

She was very loved...

Thank you for sharing that you had an elder woman helping with the ceremony, that is so precious and I think it helps to have a ceremony that reflects your culture.

The best comfort comes from presence of others and you were together there for each other.

Thank you for sharing the beautiful news about your granddaughter...it is a light and a huge comfort.

Wishing you and Grace lots of joy and light and healing xx <3

[SavingGrace Administrator]

I'm so sad and sorry to hear of your loss. Wishing your family all the love and support for your grand-daughter's upcoming birth.

Love and light xxxx

[Hidden]

Hi, desperately sad for you all and wishing you all the best.

[Oliveart11]

I am so sorry about your loss. Your poems are beautiful. I wish you much peace and comfort.

[angeln]

Thank you for sharing this lovely Poem. And So sorry for your loss, .. Am going through this right now after giving birth to my sleeping beautiful Son 5 days ago. I went to my appointment at 40weeks which was his due date n they found no heartbeat, he was perfectly healthy so was i .. we are so hurting and devastated 💔💔

[Nathalie99 Partner in reply to angeln]

Hi Angeln,

I am so very sorry for your loss, that is devastating and heartbreaking.

I am so very sad reading this. I am so sad for those who never had the chance to experience this world and it changes my perspective on life 💔

[angeln in reply to Nathalie99]

Thank you.. it’s so painful for sure, when you expect a happy ending and all over sudden your dreams are crushed just like that and whats supposed to be smiles end up being cries💔…

[Lindyloo53 Volunteer in reply to angeln]

this is heart BReaking to hear angeln. It was the same story us. I hope you get some comfort from reading our. Process. I’m. Deeply sorry for your loss of your son. HAve. You named him?

[angeln in reply to Lindyloo53]

Thank you. Yes had a name since the day we found out it was a boy.His name is Fabian. We had a mass and funeral for him too last week.. it’s not easy, this pain is too much..