In my defense I was triggered, I am currently managing 40 cases at work and am not coping with the extra exhaustion it brings on top of these extra life taxes of energy(PTSD) But I have started making mistakes at work because I'm so tired. But I have kept employment for 4.5 months after 2 years out. These are the reasons and positives.
But I lost it again, I got angry to the point again. It wasn't at work this time it was in a shared house I live in which I know isn't healthy for me. I don't want to be this angry . I'm not an angry person .. I have accepted my past, why do I still have such anger. I just want to able to relax. and be at peace. I still haven't eaten, my stomach is turning in knots for a day now.
When you fall, to get up, 1 foot in front of the other, 1 step at a time, and you start walking again. I am going to go and make dinner, 1 step, this will give my brain and body the nutrients to be healthy and feel healthy. I will eat all of this dinner... 2 steps
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Knowntofallreg
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Setbacks to emotional recovery are hard and disappointing. I like to remind myself that I am not a robot. If we were robots then everything would be logical. But we are human beings and part of being human is having messy emotions.
I like your plan of taking care of your immediate basic needs. One step at a time. One thing that helps me is to just breath. Not any specific technique, just one or two deep, sighing breaths.
You have been triggered. As much as we hope we have healed, a trigger can set us back. The key is trying not to " live there" Be gentle with yourself as this is not an unusual response to stressful times.
Two steps is wonderful. I hope you were able to find some peace. Try and find some peace in every day. It may not be the amount we hope we hope for. Just take what you can and live in that moment.
I'm concerned about your work overload. Is there anyway you can have some help?
I'm going through this at my job now. I went on vacation and came back to a tremendous amount of work, Someone could have done something to assist me. There is no team work for me, I'm not going to burn out. I've been there before. I set my plan of action and that's the way it's going to be. It's only going to get worse now. Eventually someone will see. I'm going to work my hours and get out.
Don't allow them to burn you out! I know i am too nice and I am too hard working. I bet your the same give us work , we do it. I've allowed my self to be used and burnt out before. Do you find as well you can keep it together at work. but you know you must be showing signs and you try not to get anxious about that because that's a negative feedback loop that just builds. I hope you are coping. Remember you can only do what you can do, You have 2 hands 1 mouth. If they ever ask more than that. I think we both know now from our experiences. we are in the wrong place. And their expectations need to be more realistic. I hope you take strength as I have knowing we will both go into work tomorrow and OWN LIFE! more than they could ever know.
Thank you so much for your words. You nailed it. Strong work ethic, people pleasing personality.... load it on me I will do it.
Ive come to the conclusion I am not a doormat. Im not going to stress myself out. It's not my job to cover my work when I'm on vacation so an action plan will have to be put into place.
We got this....
🐬
You haven't lost. You had a setback. It's okay to have setbacks. Be proud of yourself for what you achieve! This is hard stuff!
Stress and overload can trigger PTSD that's why it is important to slowly, gradually come back to working again.
Do you have a manager at work that can understand and help you manage a workload? Is there a coworker that you trust, that can help you fix any mistakes?
I think reaching out for support might help, knowing that someone is going to be there for you.
Having less pressure might ease the symptoms.
Sometimes something breaks inside, even though you are not an angry person. It could be that you are over your limits and can't cope momentarily. Small things can set it off.
It's terrible but you didn't mean for this to happen. Being self compassionate, forgiving yourself for this, might bring relief.
You are not this person. Something broke inside you and it was too much to handle.
It is not easy to live in a shared accommodation with room-mates when having PTSD.
I hope you can find a place where you have your own space, to be able to relax and unwind.
Without having days off, the pressure from work and the stress of living in a shared house might be too much.
You are a good person, this anger means you couldn't cope in that moment.
Hope you are able to have less hours at work or more time to do the tasks.
It is impressive you are working and that's a HUGE achievement...
You did so much, fought hard, never forget that...
Thank you, this site has truly let me know I'm not alone in this, I think I have found my own place to live..so that should solve that .. i can actually come home after work it will make a big difference. I moved into shared accommodation when i had to go under hospital care, due to cost. I was under hospital care for 2 years I was at the worst I've ever been during the pandemic, unemployed. and ill. But i fought and now i'm earning good money doing a good job supporting and helping others.. I love it.. I know your right it was a moment and I should forgive myself for it. My one thing I will always keep though. is I will feel bad after these moments.. but I know that just means I'm a good man. And that I will always strive to be better. With my job my manager knows and is supportive and my senior has said the workload will be managed.
Make sure you remind your Manager should your workload become too heavy again. They too can drop the ball so it is always good to remind them in a friendly way.
We all (PTSD sufferers) feel overwhelmed at some point, especially early on when we start working again after a break but remember that you managed to get over that ‘new job’ situation and that is something to be extremely proud of!
I know how hard it is to have the confidence to start a new job (I have still not got to that stage yet), and when it is helping people you don’t want to let them down so continue to say YES to everyone. Give yourself a pat on the back, and give yourself a break - you can’t do it all! Good luck with your life, remember to breathe! breathe, breathe!
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Noise
Racing suicidal thoughts and thoughts that scream at me. 
