Memory help

[Lostonceagain]

I mostly remember bad memories, is there any way to help remember the good?

[Nathalie99 Partner]

I can only share my experience, Lostonceagain.Amongst the bad memories I had some good ones but it was very hard to selectively "remember" the good ones as they come together.

However, once I processed the majority of the bad ones so it was bearable to think about it again, I was able to go back and notice the good ones and focus on them. I tried to do that several times and it carried the pain of the bad ones coming up but eventually I was able to get to a point to remember the good ones without being very upset about the bad ones.

It took a while and it isn't something that I can maintain due to new events bringing up things in a new way than ever before so it ends up traumatic.

It can be done. It would work similarly like the bad ones being "triggered" by something using 5 senses. So the same way, something can trigger a positive memory.

The danger is not being able to contain the other emotions so if you haven't processed the trauma yet, it will be much harder to get to the positive ones without triggering all the things you don't want.

No easy answer.

It depends also if you have DID, then I've heard it could be dangerous and problematic. I don't have knowledge on dissociation.

[Lostonceagain in reply to Nathalie99]

My diagnosis is depression and ptsd, so I think my mind does disassociate to avoid trauma. I think if I had DID I would know by now or somebody would have told me. I just lost my job though, my car was in the shop and I was supposed to go back to work after I delivered my FMLA paperwork, but my parents wouldn't let me drive their car and I had no way to get there so they fired me last week.. so now I have no idea how I'm gonna get my car back or get to another job, I'm literally trapped and all I seem to remember is bad times.. its getting worse everyday, it makes me want to die, but I know thats not right..so I'm just stuck, and it seems like no one has ever loved me enough to help, it seems like my own family just wants me to kill myself with the way they treat me

[Nathalie99 Partner in reply to Lostonceagain]

I am terribly sorry that you are struggling so much through this very tough time, Lostonceagain.

It sounds like losing your job triggered past trauma and that's why you started getting "reminders". It just happens, that's how nervous system works.

One event can trigger something traumatic from the past that wasn't completely processed.

I went through something like that: new event that triggered my childhood. It happened a long while ago, unexpectedly.

Do you think you can pull yourself out of it by trying to find a new job, if you are well enough, at all? Or find other sense of purpose?

What I did was walking and cycling, looking at nice scenery. That was my coping.

At times the trauma symptoms persist and get severe enough to make it impossible to function and in a case like that, getting help, possibly trauma therapy asap can start you on recovery but it can be very intensive.

Depending on your situation and what's possible, you might need to see how to reach out.

If you are feeling suicidal, please reach out to a mental health team/a professional or a crisis hotline.

It is important to reach out asap as you need feeling supported and then figure out the practical steps regarding getting the car back.

When in crisis state, you need help with those steps as they may be not as difficult as they appear but it is not possible to think when hurting so much.

Do you have anyone that can tow the car, for example? Do you know anyone that can help you?

Don't worry about everything at the same time, your nervous system needs rest.

Please check our pinned post "Crisis hotlines" which are not just for crisis. They contain information on how to get help in various countries in various circumstances.

There are many Volunteers who can help. There are Facebook groups for helping each other out. In the past I occasionally helped others with organising practical help when they were too overloaded emotionally, usually people I didn't know very well. It is easier to do things for someone else, ask for help on behalf of others and there are usually people willing to help free of charge.

Reaching out for help is a sign of strength because you get the support to get back on your feet...

[Chase888 in reply to Nathalie99]

That was a very good answer. You have covered everything and will help other people on this website.

The way I deal with flashbacks is forcing myself to remember little things like before lockdown when I went into my voluntary job and the manager said "I'm so pleased to see you".

Just a little remark can help someone.

[hypercat54]

I often find my bad memories are mixed in with the good and vice versa. Something can trigger a good memory but I always find the flaw in it somehow. I think it's something to do with knowing that very few things are black and white and most are different shades of grey so I can see the whole experience in a block. I don't know if that's good or bad or normal or not.

[Midori]

I think that bad memories make a bigger mark on your consciousness than good ones.

When I look back on my late husband, the bad ones come to the fore and I have to fight through them to get to the good.

There are plenty of good memories; just overshadowed by the bad ones.

[Lindyloo53 Volunteer]

I have DID therefore most of my memories are given to me piecemeal. I certainly am discovering more good memories the further I ge Tinto therapy and working through my trauma. I have been told by my therapist I may never get all of my memories back. For me it’s becoming comfortable with my being in this world regardless of whatever memory returns to me. In any case I’m building more and more positive memories everyday.

[SavingGrace Administrator]

Wow - a good question - and yes, I believe good memories do exist even within the worst of bad phases of PTSD. For me, the hardest thing was wanting those good memories to return - ergo: the 'me' I connected to a sense of joy, in being able to return. I have several precious "good" memories that I held dear for many years and continuously throughout my difficult years. They gave me hope, a sense of continued epiphany, belonging, love and light - so they were so very important. They took place, mostly, long before my depression and yet held a light for me from the day I experienced their joy. It was like experiencing and seeing truth revealed.. right!?

Which is why and how they stayed firm in my deep memory and my soul, my heart. They moved me.

The question of age and good memories is interesting. Did I only have good memories when I was going through calmer times? Perhaps.

And yet, what counted for me back then and perhaps still - are those short and sharp glimpses of truth, glory, light, love - those are the constituents that have helped shape my 'good' memories.

No one event or time was ever perfect..... it was a combination of several factors that helped bring 'goodness.' Joy alone, no, but companionship, wonder, diversity, gentleness - these all created a sense of goodness for me, I think.

I'm still reflecting on your question, but it is nearing 11pm here.

Thank you for asking this and I hope we can continue to explore 'creating good memories' on this forum in the future

[Iwanttoliveagain1]

I am exactly where you are......I'm having triggers to things like songs, on social media and memories of sadness, being so highly sensitive and born an Empath. Everything I loved is in a box locked in my mind far out of my reach. I sit in silence 99% of the time.....I have become highly sensitive to loud people, TV volume, I have over 8600 on Spotify and keep collecting everyday but cannot listen......movies I have seen feeling "normal" now when rewatching the same movies.... I will am rendered helpless and frozen in my bed for days.....I have now deprived myself of any things I loved before and can't seem to get them back. My memories are so vivid of sadness and deep empathy I remember from about 3 yrs. Old. I believe I was born an empath and an HSP. I am now 45 and have need alot of help and deep thinking and asking about some good memories and happy times that I am not even sure if I imagined them or it was all in my head. I ask myself and my partner AM I THE CARZY ONE? IS it me???? Am I imaging This???I have forced myself to dredge up happy or wonderful times ......I did have happy and wonderful times......but while asking my sister to confirm these memories after she had to add A MASSIVE accusation towards me and went on to blame me for hatred and her building walls, and why did she deserve it. I have not spoken to her for almost 3 months.