Marital Separation

[TheResilientOne]

Hello all!

It has been a long time for me!!! I’m getting a lot of PTSD triggers from my marital separation! I initially told my husband because my mental Health was spiraling down we needed to separate and then he told me that it’s either a divorce or stay.

So I left. It’s been going on 60 days of being gone And I have been doing the work but he still wants a divorce! We initiated the petition but we have to take a smiles class and he has to hand in the paper work for the judge to sign.

I asked my husband if he is sure And when he wanted to take this smiles class (co parenting) he said he is sure with the divorce and can’t handle taking the class !

He has been very avoidance not wanting closure and not being clear with the steps on finalizing stuff-

He also tells the kids he misses me And asks them how I’m doing!

You guys I’m struggling bad -

Anyone with ptsd every go through this?

I keep shooting back to my child hood remembering how much I was never good enough to be treated right!

How much I was behind used And abused !

He is the love of my life but we were becoming so toxic my inner gut told me to go!

The work I’m doing on my self is actually going great ! I journal - I have really recognized my toxic traits and where I went wrong - but he isn’t trying to hear me!

I wanna keep hope and faith we can stay together - but it’s causing me so much panick and PTSD issues!

Anyone else can give me some insight !? I’m trying so hard not to focus on him! I’ve cut off contact only talk about the kids - giving him his space - but I’m simply lost ! Help

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Hi TheResilientOne,

I am very sad as I remember when you got married and it gave hope to many other members.

It is hard work to be in a relationship and you have children which is probably where most of your attention and energy goes.

You are saying he is the love of your life and I think you have been together for a long time so maybe it is woth having therapy together? It would be excruciating but much less painful than a divorce.

I think the first reaction to being ovewhelmed is a flight response. It can take form of "I want to separate", "I want a time out", or even a divorce. It can be very hard with strong emotions and not thinking things through but I think it is important to differentiate between a marriage breakup and just wanting to run away.

Sometimes running away does not solve the problems, if they are PTSD related then they stay inside.

I am glad that you are working things through in therapy. I am so sorry you had an abusive childhood and felt not good enough. This can be easily triggered but this is something you can work on, I think.

I really can't give any advice as I am not a marriage councilor but it sounds like it just could be a very difficult time and you might be able to work throguh this.

I really don't know, it is a huge decision and if you feel like there is abuse then it would be indeed better to not remain in abusive relationship but if there are mutual issues then you could still work things though.

It sounds terribly triggering and I would advise not to make decisions when extremely upset because emotions can run very high and you might make the wrong decision.

I will send you pm.

[Midori]

Follow your gut instinct; it's nearly always right!

His Divorce or nothing comments shows a red flag, and I'll bet there are others too.

[charliegirl2016]

I can understand. I felt that I needed to heal and didn't understand why. I told him that I wanted to move out for a while and he said that he wanted to get it over with so he could go on with his life. He said that out of hurt and pain. I thought I knew what I needed, but I didn't, and in the end what I went through was nothing compared to the hurt and pain from the divorce, that I pursued because of his words. I can only pray that you'll seek out a counselor/therapist to help you work through it and move back together. But it will take time and patience, but isn't your marriage and children worry trying?

[TheResilientOne in reply to charliegirl2016]

Yup!!! I’m trying !! I am seeing a therapist now ❤️

[charliegirl2016 in reply to TheResilientOne]

It's great that you do have a therapist, so many times I tried to figure things out for myself. Looking back, I saw how I made myself believe that things were a certain way. So I understand all too well how important it is to have a therapist or counselor to help us work things out.

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Great that you are seeing a therapist...let us know how it goes xx