Lost In PTSD

[Ja7m]

The 3rd child who was neglected. Quiet and independent. Brought up strict then thrown into the world without any life skills.

Second marriage from he'll. Ex military screaming in my face 8 hours a day. Finally broke me. Left that monster. Started the journey of PTSD. That was 2008. I've worked out some triggers. Haven't figured out the rest. 3rd marriage...2 years in. Not going well. Communication break down. Always crying. Should of just stayed single. He says I asked for it. It's my self fulfilling prophecy. I spend my time behind a barricaded door like I'm crazy.

I'm not crazy. I'm lonely. I can't speak right anymore. I'm sad all the time.

I would like to just be understood.

[Agara33]

im so sorry you are in pain, i'm in a different situation but know about being alone and misunderstood and scared. love to you

[Lindyloo53 Volunteer]

Hi Ja7M, sounds horrid and I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. Do you have a therapist at all where you are that you could talk to? It’s taken me a long time but I have now come to understand that in relationships I was trying to recreated unconsciously early life relationships that left me with ptsd. I was doing this because I was trying to recreate the same thing in which there would be a different outcome and I would heal. I’m not at all saying this is what you are doing it’s what I was doing. A good trauma informed therapist, I believe, would be able to help you steer your own recovery journey.I also am the 3rd child. I didn’t even realise that until I read your post. It’s Incredible what the brain can block out.

[Midori]

Your current husband is not being supportive at all. In fact saying you asked for it is abusive. You need to get away and also see a therapist.

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Hi Ja7m,

Things are very tough with PTSD. I feel we have the right to happiness but sometimes it feels like PTSD isn't compatible with relationships.

I think it's very intimidating when you are in this situation. Constantly crying sounds terrible.

That barricaded door is a self protective mechanism. After going through so much abuse from your previous husbands, it is understandable that you are afraid.

Maybe it's self fulfilling but maybe there is more to it.

I would encourage you to explore things in therapy to understand things better.

You have the right to happiness...

I'm very sorry that you are suffering so much. Sending empathy and support...