Exhausted

[cchase]

I’ve been dormant for awhile on here. We are short staffed at work. I have a full time job and a part time so I never get an actual day off. I go to therapy, put in that work. And then a month ago a guy from college reached out he’s having a difficult time right now and is looking for support and comfort. We’ve talked everyday day. Usually late at night since I’m currently still living with my parents and niece. It’s been really nice and really scary. It has been a really loooong time since I’ve chatted with a man like this. We’re pretty into each other. So I’ve been in a new stage of my trauma/healing. Since I left the person who repeatedly took what he wanted from me 7 years ago I have been closed off to everyone. I’ve just recently started feeling that loneliness and then he pops up. I realized that even though I’m aware to all my trauma now, that doesn’t mean I’ve got a handle on it like I thought I did. I’ve been able to open up some to him and he’s trying his best to understand. It’s very different for me.

Long story long. Lots of changes are going on right now and I am exhausted!

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Hi cchase,

It's very understandable that you are exhausted, given the circumstances and changes are particularly demanding on the nervous system too.

I can only speak from personal experience and I understand that being close to someone means we are most vulnerable.

A few years ago I was in a new relationship myself and I remember feeling very vulnerable and exposed but I actually embraced it as it's the only option to let love in.

I know it's the most difficult situation for anyone with PTSD, particularly from any type of abuse in the past and I understand how tough it is to let someone be very close. It's a scary feeling but from my perspective- it's worth it.

It hasn't been easy and being in a relationship brings up a lot of triggers but it's also something that really made me face what I need to do in recovery.

I've been married since a few years and gone through a lot of changes, leaving my comfort zone behind.

It's been the scariest thing I've ever done.

Talking through the past trauma is really difficult and it may be good to take things at your pace. I think it can be overwhelming but I feel that we are more than our traumas and can be loved for who we are.

It can set a lot of triggers and getting through them might be difficult and take a lot of courage but I think it's worth it with the right person.

Sending my support and understanding...

[cchase in reply to Nathalie99]

Thank you Nathalie99. You are always very understanding and supportive! Luckily, we’re about 150miles apart so things can’t get too rushed. I’m amazed at the amount of triggers there have been just from talking so it makes me nervous for more. But I’m not dreading it either which is huge! 🙌🏻

I’m trying to just stay in the moment (extremely hard to do for me) and enjoy things.

Hope you are well and as always thank you for sharing a piece of yourself!