It is back

[Ella20]

Hi everyone,

I new in here and I just wanted to share my story .I had a minor accident last year that kept me sick for a while and after that I was always scared to fall sick or to feel any pain , 2 months ago I was admitted to the hospital for gastritis, ever since I'm traumatized and looking at the current situation my anxiety has been making me loose my interests and positivity, chest pain and shakiness are back 😔😔

I just wish I can get over this

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Hi Ella20,

Welcome to the community.

I'm so sorry you have been through an accident and it looks like your hospital stay triggered all those events.

When trauma happens, it gets stored in a body and it's on a deeper level so it's not possible to just get over it. It's a protection mechanism to prevent from it happening again. When something similar happens, it triggers the past trauma when unprocessed and it brings up all the emotions and body memories all over again.

In my experience I found a trauma therapy very helpful, especially the somatic aspect of it.

We all deal with it differently. There are different coping methods and grounding techniques that can help.

Sending support...

[Ella20 in reply to Nathalie99]

Thank you ! It just triggered everything I'm crying it's been 2 days and I just want the old me back badly . I started worring about others falling sick too I just can't bare hearing such things.

Take care

[Nathalie99 Partner in reply to Ella20]

I know and it's terrible that a lot of things are happening right now that are triggering. It isn't helping and it's harder to cope and to heal.

Avoiding the news is a good idea.

I know that feeling of wanting your old self back and it might not be the exact same way but you can find a new post trauma identity.

Take care too...

[Beingindependent Volunteer]

You will get through this just sometimes it takes a long time.

I know how difficult it can be to suffer.

I hope you can create a mantra

that you’re OK and safe and everything’s fine

I hope you’re also staying hydrated and eating because sometimes not eating enough can make you feel shaky

just know that you’ll be OK and then it will pass and you’re safe I hope you continue to assure yourself and create your meditation and prayer. The peace within you will become everyday life when the anxiety reduces in the future

Take care

[Ella20 in reply to Beingindependent]

Oh so sweet of you

I'm trying to eat well and I will try to env9lve some activities in my daily routine as I work and then I just stay home even during the weekend.

Than you for such positive vibes

[Beingindependent Volunteer in reply to Ella20]

😎❤️👍🌈

[Shy_Guy]

Welcome to the group. I am sorry you are going through this. I hope you can be kind to yourself and be patient with yourself.

I find it very difficult to let myself go through what I need to heal. I think I take longer than most people because I fight against it so much. I am trying to be kinder to me. Everyone is different though.

As I grow older and with this lockdown in the U.S. I have realized that some things just take time to process.

Good luck to you and I am send good vibes your way as well.

[Ella20 in reply to Shy_Guy]

Thank you so much !

I'm taking longer too , I panicked yesterday because I thought I have fever! I had the worst night sleep and I woke up with palpitations

😔😔

[wallflower_fairy Major Contributor]

I'm sorry for what you've been through, and are going through, Ella.

I really hope you can find some relief from this soon. Welcome and thankyou for sharing your story.

It's not the same, but when I was younger I used to feel unwell due to health related anxiety and get anxiety around my health as a result of feeling unwell. It would become a cycle because the more I would worry, the sicker I'd feel and the worse the worry would become. I personally found distraction, like listening to music, helpful and it would stop the cycle.

I know it's not exactly the same for you, because you have trauma around this and need to process it; and you're probably reexperiencing some of the trauma as a result, in the form of a somatic flashback, which is where a person will experience physical sensation related to trauma. This then may trigger an emotional flashback too, as it's also possible to reexperience just the emotional aspect of it, rather than a full memory of the event(s). So I guess I want to reassure you that while it's unpleasant, it's normal in trauma and understandable.

Although your situation is different to what mine was, as it's related to unprocessed trauma whereas mine was related to anxiety, grounding techniques might still help you, as they can help the mind to register that the trauma is not happening in the moment and that you're safe. And then, longer term, there's a lot of different therapy you can try, so don't lose hope.

I understand about wanting your old identity back, before the trauma happened, and getting to know yourself as you are now can be difficult and take a long time to get use to. I try to reassure myself that, trauma or not, we're fluid and continually changing anyway. As we go about normal life, we're gradually changing all the time, and are incrementally different to the person we were the day before. It's just in normal life it's barely noticeable and we adapt without realising. When there's trauma, however, it can change us profoundly in a relatively short space of time, therefore it's uncomfortably noticeable and unfamilar to us, and we won't have had time to adjust. So what you're experiencing here is understandable too.

As Nathalie said, it's possible to develop a post trauma identity. In recovery, you may also be able to rediscover an old aspect of your pre trauma identity that was temporarily buried under the trauma, but inherently still a part of you, and incorporate this into your new one. And while it'll never be exactly the same - like I said, none of us can go back to being our exactly the same past self, trauma or not - you can experience post traumatic growth in recovery and become wiser and more resilient.

I want to wish you all the best in your journey and moving forward, and I'll hope you feel better soon.

Xx

[Ella20 in reply to wallflower_fairy]

Hi

I'm so sorry for your health anxiety situation and I can feel you as yesterday I cried a lot because I have abdominal issues again I felt so scared and I cried because I simply miss the time where I wake up feeling all positive not worried about a blocked nose or a headache. I literally couldn't focus at work today and I was restless.

It saddens me a lot and I have become health anxious lately more than ever .

Thank you for the kind words and I hope you are feeling better today