Missing my sweet Dad. I know you have read that in my posts before, but it's my new reality. Loved him so much. Took care of him, so now it's freed up time in my day as well. I feel kinda stuck, bc I need to mourn him, or this will come back to me with vengeance. There are no short cuts. Would love to hear from anyone. Never lost a parent. But I need to remain on track with healing my PTSD.
Prayers please....
Talk soon,
Sugar-pants
I'm so sorry you're going through that sugar-pants. Losing a parent is like crossing a line where reality skews - it's unlike anything I ever had happen to me.
For me it was tough, because he died before we ever got to reconcile fully, mainly because it was only after he died that I remembered a violent incident that happened when I was 17, that put a wall between us we never could understand.
I had to get creative, because I couldn't let it go. So what I finally did was imagine a conversation between the two of us, where we could say what we would have wanted to if we had gotten the chance. Here's the post:
healthunlocked.com/healmypt...
Be gentle with yourself sugar-pants, and we're here to support you!
Dan
Thank you Dan. I read the story about you & your Dad. Very moving. So my take away from the replies I received & you received, actually made me feel fortunate that I was so close to my Dad. Your story and many others were mostly the complete opposite of the father daughter relationship I had all my life with my Dad.
I will remember during my mourning, to remind myself that I'm grateful for the time we had together & he had a great long life. That's a blessing. Guess I'm grieving bc I'm still in shock that he's gone. Just missing his presence and doting over him. Thank you for your reply. I'll try to do what you said, not be too hard on myself. And it's only been 14 weeks. Still seems so new.
Thanks again.
Talk soon,
Sugar-pants
You're very welcome, sugar-pants! Yes, you were blessed to be so close to your Dad.
It's a tough transition to accept that the person is really gone, so I'm glad you'll be mindful of being gentle with yourself.
Talk soon,
Dan
I'm so sorry. You might think about doing something that would make your dad smile, in his honor. For example if he liked nature, care for a plant. If he liked books, write to him. I know a woman who donates blood to the blood bank in memory of her mother. I made visits to a lonely elderly person after my grandmother died. Volunteer or donate to a charity that is meaningful. You might not be able to do something right now, but just think about what you could do in the future.
I hope you find this helpful. I understand your pain.
I'm sorry your going through this sugar pants. I had my mother live with me for eighteen years. I thought I hadn't grieved for her at all. I didn't cry when she died. It wasn't up until I went into therapy for my PTSD that I worked out why. We had known this parting was going to be inevitable however in the last year of her life she went under palliative care so what we knew was now going to be a reality. What I realise in therapy was both of us had mourned her parting while she was still alive. We talked about many things including some not so good stuff and she said sorry. That was all I needed to hear from her. Once that was out of the way we talked about anything like what she would like for her funeral to what movie we might watch together. She also told me that every time I saw a butterfly to think of her which I still do six years later. She said she didn't want me to be sad when she died because we had had eighteen years together since my father died. My mum liked going out for a coffee with me on Saturdays now I do that with my daughter and we talk about my mother, her likes and dislikes and we laugh at the funny moments we had with her. We still celebrate my mothers birthday by having her favourite meal, fish and chips, and we pull out the photo albums and tell stories of moments we shared with her. This keeps her memory alive in my grand children. We do not remember the day she died, why would we. Perhaps you could plan to cell rate your fathers birthday in a similar way.m I regret I didn't work in my PTSD before my mothers passing as I was not Abel to fully give myself to her or anyone else as I was always on guard. Today I can say I loved my mother, even though there were some serious things we had to address, I loved her and she said sorry. I wish you well in finding your own way to grieve the passing of your much loved dad.
The loss of a parent expected or unexpected, takes time to grieve. Understand what your going through, lost mom 6 years ago and dad a year and a half ago. Mom was unexpected got diagnosed April gone in 90 days. Dad was never the same moved in with us, lost his home then his wife, his job, autonomy and couldn't help me or grandkids. So his grief turned to depression. I didn't know what to do and his pain was constantly impacting me and the PTSD. To make it worse I was receiving financial help for housing his meager income put me and my kids level over the threshold and I had to throw dad out into homelessness while waiting for the apt I secured for him months prior. It was the hardest thing ever. He lived on his own for a year once apartment was ready. As a person with disabilities with a child with educational issues, we had no transportation and I couldn't help my dad while barely taking care of my kid and my health. Dad was found dead in his apartment alone, they said it was a heart attack I say it was a broken heart. I'm still grieving the losses of both parents and recognize that with PTSD we all heal at individual speeds. Your not alone and together we do heal simply by our commonality and understanding.
Oh overcome-ails. My heart goes out to you. How awful that you needed to remove your father in order that you could continue to receive the money you needed just to survive. What government allows that sort of red tape to happen. I'd imagine there would be all sorts of griefs you would have needed to go through. Take heart that he eventually had an apartment to go to that you had secured for him. I am appalled that any government would have placed you in this position. The reality is sometimes we just can't do for our parents as we have commitments to those we bought into the world. He had a year in the apartment. It's sad that he died but he did manage in his own for that year. Sometimes people just can't go on without their lifetime partner as your dad did. A heart attack is sudden and quick, it can happen to anyone.
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