A small crisis

[Agara33]

I had so many profound changes in the past month that felt like treasures and blessings I have long awaited...then I clumsily tried to push forward more, make things go faster and I uncovered something I wasn’t really ready to deal with at all. Some small detail, a seamingly insignificant thing I did without knowing at all it could have repercussions and it may have added to the reason why all this happened to me. When I realized it I crashed pretty hard, became tormented and extremely angry at myself that I couldn’t let things be and had to push harder and also desperate not to believe that I was to blame for everything that happened to me....I wish I hadn’t seen it but I can’t unsee it. But I’m not to blame even if I made a mistake I had no idea I was making it..there were many factors involved. I don’t totally know the chain of events-I might never but yes there were mistakes, and it’s painful...I hope I can watch the pain fade in time

[SavingGrace Administrator]

Hey Agara33. You are a beautiful soul and it's not right to punish yourself or put blame on yourself. Life is for learning and growing - that is certain.

However, when we face challenges, that we can't deal with - is that something to punish ourselves for? Can you give yourself time to figure something out? Can you give yourself compassion to be fallible? Or is there space to allow yourself to find reason, balance....something?

You deserve to be .....

Sometimes, despite all the troubles and knock backs, negativity, failings or whatever..... we are allowed to just be.... and be free.

And that's ok.

I don't know if I've even come close to what you are feeling or striving and coping with... but I am wishing you well xxxxxx

[Agara33 in reply to SavingGrace]

Thank you, it’s funny how we can see on others so clearly that they don’t deserve blame and torment but on ourselves it’s harder...I think in time I’ll understand a little better and have better proportion I hope...there is a time in healing where we have to ask questions that have difficult and unpleasant answers, but I am not there now....I don’t know why I get so angry at myself. Thank you for your kind words

[Equis-Canine Volunteer]

Being able to step back and see a situation from a wider view is instrumental for personal growth. Yea for you! I'm sorry it was painful but it sounds like you are recovering instead of being stuck. I'm glad to learn that you also were able to have self compassion I'm learning its essential for healing. His

[Agara33 in reply to Equis-Canine]

Yes it’s a part of healing—-things just come up because they can, it doesn’t mean they have some huge important meaning...

[Beingindependent Volunteer]

Learning, remembering creates a challenge within ourselves.

Give yourself the compassion you would offer your friend.

[Agara33 in reply to Beingindependent]

Thank you—I’m trying my best, I’ve done my own head in the last week but I think I’m finally calming down—-these bumps can feel so treacherous