Uniform

For years I used to pipe on an honor guard. I was asked by the local VFW to pipe a military funeral Wednesday; the first time I've piped for anyone outside of family since I was injured, left the service, and got sick. As uniforms left too long unworn in closets have a tendency to shrink, I found myself transferring my FF/EMS insignia to a larger uniform blouse, especially my NREMT-P patch, which is the same one I was wearing on my last night on the job. I've literally not been able to even look at it for years without an overwhelming sense of grief and shame, but this time, there was nothing; no triggering at all (maybe this EMDR stuff actually works). On the field, I even felt good about wearing it again. Even unexpectedly encountered a couple of neighbors who unbeknownst to me were in the honor guard. I did a passable job piping the processional, hymn, and retreat; although I declined to march; I'm too unsteady on my feet, and didn't want to complicate matters. Later, I apologized for my tremor, which made me sound somewhat reminiscent of a pine warbler; he smiled and said, “Oh no; that's vibrato!”

It may not sound like much, but this is a really big deal for me. Tried to explain it to my mate; she just gave me that blank stare like I was speaking Urdu.

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Hi Piobaire,

What an amazing thing you did! Wow...

I am not familiar with the military but I asked about what it means to find out and I can now better understand.

It's huge that after many years you were able to put that uniform back on...

I think the therapy is working, isn't it amazing...

I think it's very brave and beautiful that you did it and had talk with your neighbors.

I'm sorry that your partner doesn't quite understand how important this is and how huge breakthrough it has been.

Thank you for sharing this success with us...

[Hidden]

What u did is amazing n u should be very proud of yourself.Your partner may not understand..but everyone here does.I myself have found that even the closest people to u sometimes cannot understand ur internal pain,no matter how long they've been with you .Sometimes we have to find our own inner strength to help ourselves out of the inner hell we deal with daily..Remember we r not broken..just alittle bent.

I cannot imagine the underlining fear u had to do this BUT u did it,and thats all that matters.Its all about taking baby steps n u went above n beyond. Wishing u the best.

[Shy_Guy]

Sounds like a big deal to me. Good for you.

[SavingGrace Administrator]

Really glad to hear of your positive response and a feeling of still belonging with all that resonates and has meaning to you. It's really great to read your post.

[Lindyloo53 Volunteer]

Hi piobaire, it does sound like something much it sounds a huge breakthrough you have had on your recovery journey. Emdr definitely works if we allow ourself enough abandon ourselves to the process. I’m glad it’s working for you.