I want my life back...

[Kinali]

If there is anything I want most in the world it is to be happy again. Ever since the death of my grandmother and a major car accident that I could have died in less than a year after, I haven't been the same person. I have become very secretive and have bouts of severe depression. A depression so severe I don't get out of bed for days at a time and I just want to die. I don't talk to anyone much and no one knows of anything I have been going through. I feel like no one wants me around . No one knows the real me. I don't feel like a person, just a zombie. Not sure what to do anymore...

[SavingGrace Administrator]

Dearest Kinali.

First of all, I want to say how sorry I am to hear of your car accident, but also of your grief over your grandmother's death.

I lost my grandmother over a year ago now; it is hard to let them go and to find meaning in the future, day to day, without them.

Your car accident must be really traumatic for you and no doubt you may have PTSD, because that is how the mind-body-soul can cope with extreme experiences.

In a way, your complete shut-down sounds familiar. I know exactly what that feels like. I must tell you, that you will get through this and you shall be able to move beyond these stages I feel. Everything you are experiencing is natural and understandable, for you have been in almost a near-death experience/incident.

Take time to honour the process of healing and development of your life as it is feeling now...

Bearing up on this depression feeling is so hard though, isn't it...

I can only recommend the things that I now look back and wish I had done earlier in my recovery, to help me through.

I shall list them, but by no means think you need to take on anything that you can not cope with at this time.

- getting a good GP and the correct diagnosis: you will have the support and proper medication to equip you with your depression.

- talk to someone you trust, or whom you can put your trust in. This may be a friend, family member, or a counsellor.

- get fresh air into your lungs every week. Being outdoors DOES help the mind to feel better. I promise!

- eat well. Give yourself lots of green vegetables and avoid alcohol completely. Health is happiness and so what you feed your body and mind creates good health, ergo supports your well-being.

- What once made you happy WILL again make you happy in time. Perhaps spend a few moments each week to gently reconnect with that source of your previous happiness. For example, for me that meant playing a musical instrument, spending time with animals.

- Again, honour yourself and know that this is a stage, a process and it is one of YOU dealing with an extreme circumstance that, of course, is likely to alter the way you have been viewing your life! So don't panic; breathe and try and take small baby steps each day that will, one day, mean you have taken a giant leap. For instance: get out of bed and brush your teeth then go back to bed, today. Even this baby-step means a lot. Make sure you continue to do this. Next week, bring in a different thing: like get up and water your house-plants.

By just doing small, simple steps you can build up a sense of value and meaning, again, that can feel otherwise lost at this stage.

I hope that you continue to return to this forum; there are some wonderful folk here who really can guide you during this difficult, painful stage.

Most of all - sending hugs to you and blessings.

Catherine

[Hidden]

The loss of my Grandparents really hit me hard also. It was a huge turning point and I was flooded by grief. I know that coupled with something like an accident can really throw someone off balance.

But first of all like Michele says "We don't heal in isolation." She's right.

We need support from other human beings to heal.

Can you find support with a therapist to work though grief?

Grief is a huge trigger for my PTSD. I know that had to do some serious healing around the loss of my Grandfather in particular before I could really heal.

I had 2 medical trauma's and one was like an "accident" after the death of my Grandfather.

After all of that I didn't feel safe in my body or trust that an safe place existed.

I am still working on that issue of safety now.

But was able to work out the grief to a point where I feel pretty at peace with the losses now.

I hope you will reach out for the support you deserve and find comfort as well as full healing soon. Best wishes to you