self loathing with being triggered

[peacefulandcalm]

I get self loathing with being triggered. Comes with the terror, rage, dissociation.

Don't know why. Mostly when the dissociation happens. Then I feel very bad about myself. That I could not control my feelings. I know I need to probably thank my mind or some phenomena for taking over when it is all too much. A terrifying situation that started in my mind in childhood that my mind dealt with by giving me some way out.

I am confused lately and all sorts of triggers.

Don't know what is the safest path to take and feel my survival is at stake with every decision.

I need to calm down and meditate.

[peacefulandcalm Encourager]

oh, up at 3am due to nightmares all night due to emailing my father. Did I make a mistake asking for help since I know it will send me into the state I have been in? do I do all on my own, no help?

exhausted and need to talk to my friends and visit them

[jackie-wright]

Peacfulandcalm, Please don't feel bad about asking for help and not getting a response, it has happened to me too, and im sure I have felt the same way. It takes forever to get up enough courage to actually ask for help because of all the shame, and then no one responds. Kinda makes you ask yourself "do I really matter" or 'well that confirms what I already thought, it probably didn't make any sense or im bugging people, or a hundred other things that our mind comes up with. I assure you , it is none of those. Our inner critic would like us to believe all those self condemning things that it tells us on a daily basis . It may just be something as simple as , when you write a post on here unless you hit the button marked community, (I think that's what it says) then your post is open for everyone to see. If you hit that button though, then it is locked and becomes private. Its been a long time since ive posted so someone else will have to explain it to you, but that may be what the issue is. If not then what I do is just try to tell myself, that people are busy, or other scenarios that I try to come up with. I admire your courage for reaching out for help. All I can tell you is what I have done that sometimes works and sometimes doesn't . I listen to music, try grounding techniques, write, (I love to write ) . If there is something you like to do to create, for instance I have found in the last couple years that I like to paint. Lately ive been painting a lot because I had to deactivate my f.b. because of triggers. Which just makes feeling lonely a whole lot more intense. If you have someone close that you can share with talk to them, or your counselor if you have one. Take one day at a time. Please don't ever stop asking for help, because while you didn't get a response this time next time you may. Ask someone that is on here more than me, how to lock your post. Big hugs and hang in there , it will get better. <3

[jackie-wright in reply to jackie-wright]

See how all the posts have that little padlock at the end of the title? That means they are locked in and private.