As my recovery continues, an unexpected door to the past has opened to me as recent as Nov. 6th when someone suggested that I contact the group of volunteers on Facebook known as the Search Squad. I did so and shared my adoption story and have received vital information about my birth family.
I had anticipated that my birth mother might have already passed on as she was in her early 40's when I was born. She died in 1997 at the age of 84 and yet for a couple of days I wept that the chance to meet her and hug her was lost. I still hope to find out more about my two brothers and possibly my birth father.
I was given up for adoption 13 days after my birth and adopted at 6 months. In my adopted family is where my primary trauma issues happened. Having never had support in processing my adoption, I created erroneous beliefs about my value as a little girl and subsequently created a shame-based story about myself. I stepped out of that story some time ago. Both my birth parents left spouses back in their respective countries and out of their loneliness in a new country (Canada) I was conceived.
As a teenager, I discovered my adoption order - at that time I was desperate to meet and be reunited with my birth family; now 60 years of age, I am cautious about disrupting my brothers lives and beliefs about our mother. I have reached out to potential family members but no response as of yet and maybe there will never be. I have to accept that they might choose not to respond to my request, grieve the reality and put one foot in front of the other and move slowly forward.
It is taking a lot of energy mentally and emotionally to stay in the moment and be happy for information received and accepting the things I cannot change. I am practicing better self care these days: eating routinely, exercise, getting lots of rest.