hi all

[peacefulandcalm]

hi all again,

I am just starting to write on the site....not feeling too well so short intervals at the computer still...

Here's the deal. I avoid triggering things, people, places, noises etc. Things don't feel very well at all. I need to heal the PTSD, not avoid forever. But for now, it is all I can do.

I need to go to the mountain more and meditate....walk....etc. The only place I can find peace really is on the mountain, with only animal noises....these soothe me. Any car or people noise of the city can set me off....

It will be a journey I know. I get insights for the next steps by meditating on the mountain. Thing is, it is difficult to get there sometimes, have to drive myself 35 minutes.

Difficulties making decisions. Very difficult. I am trying to downsize, live more frugally, closer to the land, but for now, still in the city. With PTSD, I developed fibromyalgia, so pain each day is very bad.

I know it is possible to heal all this....just taking the next mini step each day to stay afloat that day and not be in too much physical pain or triggered. And then the triggers do happen of course and I seem to be in a state of fight or flight for days or even weeks....using all my coping skills to survive...

EMDR? thought of doing it....is it worth it? lots more to say, but all I can get out for now...

peace

Marishka

[red85]

You've come to the right place. Feel free to share as much or as little as you choose. We don't judge others and don't need you to be any different than you are.

[Equis-Canine Volunteer]

I understand....Being outside with animals is my safe place too.

[Margot56 in reply to Equis-Canine]

animals have no agenda and are very loyal. There are also some truly lovely people on this site. Very pretty name Marishka.

Margot

[fee-bee]

Fight or flight for days, weeks, I so know. Live like that too ! For two years felt like I was only person on planet that did though I know that's not true. Wearing x mask can be tiring. CPTSD is like leprosy I think at times. I've had to come back to family home, nice area but toxic with addict sibling blah blah. Mountain sounds good. I'm hoping to escaped to only place I can go and it's 6 hours drive . There's a small mountain there.

Triggers all the time for me here so I know what you mean. I tried wearing elastic band on my wrist like Miss Tischell in Doc Martin. Worked for while. Keep at it. Small bits for me too. iPhone will do my eyes in otherwise

[peacefulandcalm Encourager]

hi fee-bee...yeah, if you can get there, that will be great...then peace and quiet at the mountain and that will be very nice...I can drive about two hours....but try to go to the mountain here often as I can....

have a good day

Marishka