Heal My PTSD



Totally a girly thing. Always had black curly hair. Started dyeing the grey many moons ago. Decided I am tired of it. I have a lovely hairdresser from Italy and I asked her to give me light highlights so my grey is not so obvious. Maria bleached sections of my hair. The bleached sections are a caramel colour. I love it. Going back in a couple of weeks to have some more done. The new slightly broken me has a new image. Trivial I know but it really gave me a lift. Sorry no photo yet,

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Is this picture of you when you had black curly hair? Lovely dress. Do you live in another country other than the US?


Yes, me and my middle son. He gave me away at my wedding. Three years ago. I am in the UK. Nottingham. I had my hair straightened for the wedding, it can be a bit unruly. My eldest son was best man and my youngest escorted the Bridesmaid. Lee and I wanted them to all feel involved. Two weeks after the wedding both Lee's parents died within two days of one another. It was horrendous - a double funeral, crematorium was packed we hired a double decker bus so all the old friends had a lift. An amazing contrast to my mum's funeral. Lee's Dad and mum were so good to me that was a bigger loss.


wow, that is a hard thing to go through, losing loved ones so close together. Yes, I am thankful for my husband's, mom. She has also passed away but while she was here, we never had one cross word to each other and she always showed me unconditional love and acceptance and support....I miss her. She was more nurturing in the twenty years I had her in my life, than my family ever has been. We lived beside her for 12 years and I spent many a day just being with her and talking....she brought something special into my heart and life.


Lee's Dad was an amazing man. A brave soldier. We knew Audrey (mum) was dying of cancer. But Bill collapsed and died suddenly the day after we saw him when back from our honeymoon. After that Audrey gave up she was heartbroken. We were'nt sure about going on honeymoon but they said it was ok. I think Bill was exhausted without me to drive him to and from the hospital. After the funeral one of Bill's friends wrote to us and told how warmly he spoke of us on their Sunday night out drinking rusty nails. He spoke so nicely about me that I would never get from my dad.


and that is so wonderful...you did have "parents" in your life in some fashion...sorry that they both passed like that though....


Good for you, I started getting my nails done. I didn't like my hands looking battered and old, it lifted my spirits enormously and last week I had 3d eyelashes done. Thick black eyelashes and no mascara, it really made me feel confident so hope your mew haircut and colour is the start of a new you. If you get bored with it you could always have a few crazy colour highlights, after all no employer to conform with, just yourself to please!


Yes that is it. Maria showed me a lady in a magazine with long grey hair and a blue tint. I feel like I am being more accepting of my ptsd and trying to work with it. Spoke to a new therapist yesterday. She sounds really nice I see her next Tuesday. How are you G. How's the bloody bunting.


I have had a few days break from the bunting 50 metres done so thought I would do a bit of dressmaking and back to bunting on weekend.

Its all gone really stupid at work, legal dept refused to share the transcipt of my fb comments with her so that night she announced she had a copy. That means she either was in the conspiracy to bait me from the beginning and bypassed her line manager by involving HR Or she has told all the other staff about my confidential record until someone shared it. She now wont be in the same building as me, while previously I think they decided for my protection we should not work together. I'm coping at this minute but I am going to crash I can feel it coming.

Other than that I'm annoyed with myself for putting weight back on due to the stress but otherwise as well as can be expected!


That woman will not be happy until she has made you ill. If she made an announcement on fb about you. Forward it to your legal team. They need to know.


Hi Margot

Don't think my rambling made it clear. She demanded a copy of my original fb post, HR and her management had told her she cant have that transcript, she still demanded it so it went to legal dept. Yesterday legal told her the transcript would not be released to her and then last night she emailed her manager saying she had a copy now. Obviously the suspicion is that she always had it because she was part of a conspiracy to bait me and set a trap that I walked into. The other suspicion is that if another member of staff provided this transcript then she must have been playing the sympathy card and telling everyone about my personal details. I have been sworn to secrecy but I need proof not suspicion then management will act.

Its all so draining, as you say she is determined to break me. We are now in the crazy situation where I will be managed by another manager for the next month and where we cannot be in the same workplace at the same time.

She has demanded that I publish a full apology on fb with her having full editorial control! Even her manager thinks that is madness. So an interesting month, I have the gremlins living with me again and although I can keep going at this minute I can feel a crash coming. I feel I have to resolve this before I am able to look elsewhere, I need to feel I am applying for new jobs because I am successful and want a new challenge. I cant just run scared. Next week should be great fun! Not!


Glad for the girly girl posts. I recently treated myself to 2 micro- dermabrasion treatments & a mani pedi for my sons wedding. It did lift my spirits to do something just for myself. Those are luxuries I never indulge in. I do get my hair dyed but that's it. It felt good.

However, my sons wedding was on the beach & my naturally curly hair blossomed into a giant frizz ball. Instead of asking the hair dresser to flatiron my hair I decided to just go with it. Just got the pictures back. I look horrible. Puffy hair & too much make up had to laugh tho that the breeze made my long dress sort of billow out making me look like I have the worlds biggest butt.

Oh well. Kicking myself for messing up once in a lifetime photos.

In my defense, the location & situation was triggering for me before I even left. I might have looked awful but I held myself together for all the activities.

At least I didn't look bad and act crazy!


I'll bet you didn't look as bad as you think. My hair is horrendously big and curly I always think I look like a freak. Everyone thinks I am lucky with my hair. I don't wear make up always think I look like someone off clockwork orange so don't bother. So from one frizzball to another you survived it. I had an attack today. Could not breath. Probably looked ridiculous. And I do have a big butt. :)


As I'm sitting here drinking my morning coffee & checking e-mails for work, I ran across your post. I wasn't expecting a Clockwork Orange & big butt. You made me smile. Thanks, I needed that.

I was self conscious anyway because I've always been naturally slender. One of those people who can eat everything & never gain a pound.

I've put on 40 lbs in the last year & I have no idea why. It's not from food. I'm trying to figure out if it's from medication or some other medical reason. Unfortunately it's all in my stomach so I look pregnant.

Since no one has seen me for a while I was getting double takes. It was embarrassing.

I know it's superficial but with it being the only time I will be in his wedding pictures I was frustrated. My fake pregnancy stomach captured for all eternity.

If I'm going to look like this I should have at least had the pleasure of eating a cheesecake a day! Even my husband admitted it was not a good look.

Plus I let the woman at the make up store teach me how to do a modified cat eye. Not good. Definitely Clockwork orangeish.

Sorry you had an attack today. I hate that feeling when you can't breathe.

Hope you feel better & thanks again for making me smile. Been having a rough time lately

Take care/.


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