I Owe You Nothing

Not sure how many posters here have been in a similar position with their abusers.

One in particular , the main one, was always one to make promises they wouldn't keep.

Usually when I was in a position most vulnerable , this person would often offer to help , for example financially , only to withold that help when the time came .

& I'm sure plenty of people growing up in alcoholic families have had perhaps a similar scenario unfold , un nurturing parents quick to dispense punishment , but slow to give what parents should .

I question why my parents had me . Why 2 sick , disturbed & twisted people would bring a child into this world only to deprive that child the basics needed for that child to function & develop like normal .

Why people can't see past themselves to the point where a child's suffering , was somehow seen as the fault of the child ?

& in adulthood I can truly see the cancer for what they are , & finally no longer feel guilty for eradicating them & cutting them out (of my life) .

[GeminiDancer Major Contributor]

Totally agree. I always used to ask (even outright to my parents faces) while growing up, "WHY DID YOU HAVE ME???" That's why I never wanted kids. Growing up, my experience was that people have kids no matter what just b/c that's "what people do" and so many of them actually don't want kids and even more are completely incapable of raising them even with the most basic nurturing.

As I mentioned in my other post, I always felt bad for my dad. He's that type. But even though it took a decade of therapy to chip away at that sympathy to uncover the rage over what he did to me....somehow I didn't feel guilty when the abuse came out (my boyfriend told when i was 16 after I confided in him) to cut off all ties from him and his entire family (who all enabled and supported him despite knowing what he did). It certainly helped that he had a 10yr restraining order against him to come anywhere near me or my mother. That was "legal" so it kind of took that choice away which was very liberating. But cutting ties from his family was all my choice and I never felt guilty except maybe for a few passing waves of thought.

We sure as SHIT DON'T OWE THEM ANYTHING. THEY OWE US. They took our lives away from us....let alone not giving us the very basic of what they owed us.

[crazytater in reply to GeminiDancer]

I love your honesty GD. I never wanted kids, couldn't stand them! Uncomfortable around them, it was awkward when I became an Aunt. X-23 As far as 2 sick people bringing a child into the world. I can not speak for your parents. But speaking for 1 "disturbed and twisted parent" Me. Like I told GD. I was just like her. I was never ever going to have kids. Why would I put a child through that? I was married a long time before I decided to have kids. I realized I was too selfish in my 20's to put someone ahead of myself. I was less selfish in my 30's. But quite frankly didn't know how I was feeling WASN'T "normal" I too grew up in a violent alcoholic family. I was in my 20's the first time I heard my dad tell me he loved me, and that is only because I said it first, to see what would happen. X-23 trust me I am not defending your parents, please don't see it like that, you either GD. But it is possible to be born into that mean, nasty hateful environment, such as we did, and still grow up to be the most loving, caring parent in the world. I would lay down my life for my kids, and tear apart a person who even thought of hurting my kids. I didn't know I was "twisted" until after I had my boys. So yes, I question my head often, but never my heart when it comes to my kids. I am making a conscience choice to not be like my parents are, and were. I am hoping this is the generation that breaks the dysfunction cycle. I often rely on how I felt in a situation as a child, and hoped my parents would have responded. It would be much easier if kids had a guide book taped to their backs when they were born. But unfortunately they don't. Again not making excuses for bad parents. I am not perfect, but also not afraid to admit that to my child as well. Before they need therapy. Thank you, to both of you for your posts, it really spoke to me and my heart. I do feel your pain, and am so sorry you have had to endure all of it.

[Hidden in reply to crazytater]

Thank you for your reply . I think what makes the difference for you is that you have an awareness & willingness to be a better parent & meet the needs of your children apart from how your parents treated you. I hope that you are indeed successful in breaking the dysfunction cycle .

[crazytater in reply to Hidden]

Thank you I hope so to.