Socially Awkward

So, I'm taking steps to move forward. It's been a couple of years. My sentences don't make sense. I'm a bona fide introvert and it's just weird. I'm socially awkward. I'm learning to have compassion on myself considering all that I have experienced. Existing in the new normal is strange. I am working at creating a social life it's difficult but I must. Trying to find new friends, new social outlets, etc. Is there anyone else who feels socially awkward?

[JJ-TheNavigator]

People don't tend to see me that as socially awkward as I honestly feel because in any setting that puts pressure on me, I'll either withdraw or if I can't - I'll dive in canon ball style. Usually people seem to end up imagining that I'm *really* social because I end up putting my 'On self' forward for them to meet. (Think 'on' stage.) Only that's the don't-look-too-closely/good daughter-student/customer service/public self I've learned how to be. It's not something I can maintain or I'd drown.

It's an extention of me but really it just feels like survivor mode behaviour.

It's hard to know how to wear the 'new normal' as you put it. I wish I could just let myself be exactly me, and unapologetically project my own truth consistently - whatever that has to mean.

I live inside myself, watching what I and others do, as an observer taking notes and often wishing i could enjoy a life that feels more natural to me. The frustration is knowing that my 'natural' (or normal if you prefer) may not be good for me or even those I love - and - that I may not be aware of how neurologically healthy that 'natural' really is.

I'm babbling now. :s Yes, I feel socially award too. That's the short version.

[macarenax]

Yes occasionally x

[GRUMPYA]

Yes me too.

I made myself reach out and at first was pleasantly suprised by how nice some people were and that they liked me. Then i had a few set backs and found those difficult but learned from them. Being sociable for me hardly ever feels genuine, I either feel like I'm on a stage and acting like mad or i feel very disassociated and struggle to stay in the present. I find that conversation can turn into white noise that i dont tune into. I find the best social situations for me are ones where an activity is involved and conversation incidental. I think that is when I become "me" and cope better because I can focus on the activity.

Good luck with trying to be more socialable it's hard and you are right to be compassionate and forgiving towards yourself, I'm sure there will be great moments and some learning curves but I'm told it's worth it in the end.

[GeminiDancer Major Contributor]

I do too and totally relate to what everyone has said. I don't really have friends. I have a couple that I only see very occasionally and I often don't feel fully comfortable. I have a group of friends at work which def helps with the job. I do feel genuine with them bc we are usually commiserating about work. I long for a network of (non work) supportive friends but the people I've sincerely connected with over the yrs have all moved away. I don't genuinely connect with many people and socializing just to socialize exhausts me too much if I don't genuinely connect.

I also seem to require so much "me time" which does seem to make me anti social. I'd really like to have some couple friends. We've tried several different sets of couples but nothing ultimately worked long term. I think bc I don't have kids and my fiancé being older than me also factors into how few friends we have. Everyone meets thru their kids as adults.