Fibromyalgia Action UK
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Feeling useless

How can I convince the people around me that I don't want to spend my life on the settee watching telly. I know I find it hard to do things and take longer to to do them but when every job is taken away from me and they push past me as they " just want to get it done" and not talk to me. When I say I can do things they get annoyed with me and just take over

I know it's because they care but I need to be able to do something. They just won't or can't understand why I still want to do things that might mean a bit of me hurts. I still need to be me but they are. Making me disappear

Anyone know the answer?

Thanks Caroline

5 Replies

Hi Caroline

I know how you feel! It's so important to still do SOMETHING, even if its a fraction of what you used to do.

I don't know how many people you are sharing these jobs with, but could you maybe draw up a list of jobs, and assign them to specific people? That way everyone would know who was doing what (avoiding duplication or things not getting done) and you can earmark some for yourself at the same time. Maybe if they see you have thought about your abilities, and are taking a measured approach, they will worry less. Just a thought.

Good luck with getting it sorted.




I have just read your profile and you are pretty ill.. Maybe they are worried but haven't voiced it as that makes it real... So they try and do things so that you won't be burdened with them...

I think you have summed how you feel up perfectly ... So show them that and say if I say I can do something no matter how small or how long it takes me ... Let me do it because I will enjoy it... Have this problem with my OH he doesn't want me to have a flare so tends to say let me do that ... It's taken a while but now he knows if I potter in the garden no matter how little I do it will make me happy or if I do a little thing round the house its because I want to do it ......

Good luck

VG x


I have felt like this too, for the things i could do i now can't, also the little things i want to do i am also feeling i am a non-person, it difficult to find a in-between answer to this as obviously you are being protected and yet also 'not allowed' to be you . there is no answer except time and talking . good luck

Kira x


Hi, thank you for the advice, I know I find it hard to accept that I can't do so much and I really have tried to say to them I know they are trying to be nice and they love me but I need to be me. As it is family who are doing it it makes me feel like a child again but I think I will ask them to read this as it at least explains how I feel without me getting upset

Thanks again for replying

Caroline xxx


Ohhh I've felt this too. I ear-marked for myself certain roles in the house. MY jobs are cleaning bathrooms and washing clothes. That way I feel I have a role in the house. My husband doesn't like those jobs anyway....

So I feel I'm doing my bit.

Maybe that would help you ?

I also keep a positive events diary. I write down what I DO manage to do, which helps me SEE my part in life. I try to do one positive thing every day. On bad days that might be getting dressed and getting downstairs. On good days it might be visiting a friend or taking a walk.

I'm sure this condition makes us concentrate on the negative....its a chemical thing.

Good luck finding purpose....its really important x

I've recently joined a writer's group on line too. The comments on my attempts at fiction are wonderful. A real ego boost. Developing my own activity that is not watched over or interfered with has also been amazing. Its made me feel quite busy lol. Nice feeling.


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