Hi everyone I know its supposed to be happy chirpy Friday.....BUT I am not feeling it.....
Today I am very tearful,my life has gone from me being in control of it ! To it taking over.....By IT I mean my health ....
Last june I could drive,walk do shopping go swimming do my crystal work ,and anything else I needed to do....and was looking forward to my daughter getting married. Now I can't do any of those things........................ I can't even walk my daughter down the Isle!! and her reception is up a flight of stairs.............. I was going to stay at the Hotel! Now I have to be lifted into the car,and have my legs lifted into bed as I cant lift my foot an inch on one side and only a little on other one. It really hit me last night when my daughter said Mum you can't come to the registry office on your scooter,as only allowed to drop off the groom and bridesmaids as on a double yellow line on busy throughfare.
The other reason for the tears and anger is,I have to be on my own for 2 weeks as my husband has to go into respite for PTSD . The council offered us 3 half hr visits between morning and bed time. I have tried to set up help but it is impossible 24 hrs. My Daughter said she will stay over ,but bewarner you won't like me in the mornings as I am very grumpy!!
It all came to a head today as my OH bless him is trying to help but everything looks wrong to me where I would have my nice bits and bobs out ie crystals photo's etc he has made it easier by putting it all away.....and now I feel like I am losing site of me....My clothes consist of PJ's unless we go out but that is rare...easier for him to go alone and me to stay in bed "where I am safe "....I have also had to have my hair cut,............It was down to my waist nearly and now it is a pixie cut....so still not me.....I feel as though the real me is disappearing fast!!
My daughter said well just think of my friend she is 42 and in a home parallised from bust down etc etc least you are 63 ........
I know I have gone on a bit here and hope I have not depressed anyone that was not my intension <3 I just needed to talk to someone as I am alone in this...my Mum is 87 and I can't burden her with all this she is worried enough that I am so ill !!
Well everyone (((((((((((((((((((((((((( Gentle Hugs )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Hope I soon snap out of this and see the Rainbows again x x x
Love and Light x x
Rainbowdancer x x x