Good morning all, you are cordially invited to our traditional Easter Fayre.
We would like to welcome you to the Village Green here at Splintery Bottom, where the Morris dancers are prancing, the coconuts are shy, and the home baked goods are selling like hot cakes.
As this is Cloud-Cuckoo Land, the weather today is hot and sunny, so leave your winter coats at home.
There will be an opening ceremony at some juncture, presided over by Lady Euphemia Planke of Tumbledown Hall, President of the local W.I., who has also graciously offered to judge the home-made wine entries.
She was here a minute ago ... now where is she .... oh ... dear me, are those Her Ladyship's feet sticking out from under that bottle stall? Maybe she's fainted - hide her somewhere, please!
Kof kof -Ahem!
We have icecream, cream teas, tombola, a beer tent, a baby show, donkey rides and many more attractions, but we need volunteers to run everything.
VG has offered to provide the goldfish for the rifle range, but you'll have to share her as she's the only fish we have until supplies arrive.
Come on then, everyone and take part - choose your stall and let the fun begin!