Well I came onto the forum this morning and I noticed at the far north of the forum ..the sea, a harbour and what most Definately looked like a pirate ship.. I headed straight for it being naturally nosy and met up with Charlii and Malajusted who were holding an old map and a list of instructions... I looked at it and was as confused as them until Maladjusted realised the map was upside down ... Then all became clear it was a treasure map.... We then read the instructions, trim the mainsails,,,,,, but we don't have any scissors said Charlii, weigh anchor, but we don't have any scales I pointed out. Maladjusted sighed and said its obvious ...we have to assemble a crew and sail the pirate ship and dig for treasure. With this Charlii rushed off to get her pirate outfit.... She loves clothes shopping Maladjusted went to get some shovels and I immediately went to get copious amounts of rum.....
Three of us isn't many to sail a ship .. Even though Jack sparrow managed it with two, so please man the cannons, splice the mainbrace whatever that is and lets go on an adventure
"Weigh hay and up she rises " always had foggy baffled as she didn't understand why they had to weigh the hay ? .........reporting and ready for action capt VG ,,,,,toddles off to splice the mainbrace which she is ever so good at cos she lives near the place where they made/make ropes and so know all about it...haha me hearths.....lifts her pewter mug ready for the rom. :-).
Staggers aboard with the rum..... Ahoy Foggy... Ohhh those braces look well spliced and i am sure the hay will come in handy...Hmm I think my pirate outfit needs some adjustment... The white beard makes me look more like captain birds eye than captain jack sparrow... Think I,ll go and get a more female deckhand pirate outfit.. Fills Foggys mug with rum... Hmmm pewter ....better look after that and goes to get different pirate outfit...
I am trundling along in a cart, with an anchor and a ton of hay for you to weigh.
I also have several stout lengths of wood, as we shall doubtless need a gang-plank. No 'naughty step' for you miserable swabs - you'll have to walk the plank!
I've got barrels of rum, spare cutlasses, eye-patches and supply of wooden legs which I got cut-price from Pirates R Us, so a bit of salt pork and some beans and we're ready to sail.
Charlii - get out of that daft fairy costume and help me with these rum barrels! Who d'you think you are - flippin' Tinkerbell? (curses horribly, as pirates should)
Cursin horribly I say captain can I come a board (that means on deck vg) I is ready to do a sailors horn pipe hehe ha my name is one eye guess why hhhhhhh oh you got it who passed the rum ah let me aboard I can read a map with me good un says gins
Amazingly enough I think Foggy does.... Greedily grabs two eyepatches and then realises she can't see..... I refuse to walk the plank my bum is so big it would act as air bags and I would bob about in the water upside down.. Goes to get saw and rope to attach the plank... Ohh cannonballs ... We need those too.
Ah Charli is that I see do in something with the main brace and who is on watch thats what we to know Maladjusted no less and what are you all wearing TUTU is for ballet cobble me sails not for sailin. Fore and aft Fore and aft who else is comin aboar??????////////
Looks around actually we don't have a captain .....oh this adventure is indeed going to be interesting that's if we ever even manage to set sail...
Set sail we must if ever to find the treasure so avast ye land lubers and who has been playing with my baggywrinkle? gin
Does anyone have a tide timetable????? I think we are supposed to sail on the tide..... Personally I think it's better to sail in a ship but then what do I know....
Well, burnish me barnacles, what a lot o' lubbers ye all are!
Bo'sun Moffy knows all about this 'ere sailin' lark, on account of havin' braved the channel on the good ship Piano Ferry!
'Tis quite clear through me one good eye, that VG should be Cap'n Fishy, and if anyone says me nay, I'll keel haul the swabs, darn my teeth if I don't!
(looks fiercely around with burning eye)
OK chaps? Jolly good show, that's all settled then! Pipe Cap'n Fishy aboard
Ow ow ow why are you all throwing pipes at me..... Bats them away with her mop, if I have to swab the decks I insist on using my own mop... And I love the male figurehead.. Very handsome.. And the ships name the Black Fog . Very appropriate .... Now how do I get aboard????
You've been a'robbin' of the rum locker,ye worthless scullion!
Seven days in the brig, on cod's head stew and weevil biscuits for ye, me hearty!
(oh dearie me, all this cursing is giving me a sore throat hem hem!)
Now, listen' 'ere! I be off to the poop-deck for me midday ablutions, so don't any of ye swabs come a'lookin at me in me tin bath!
Finally clambers aboard and immediately falls over Charlii, who left that pirate there ???? The poop deck ... No I am not even thinking about that after the weekend I just had , munches on a dry weevily sea biscuit....harrrr nutritious ....
Staggers on board, all's over Charli as well, gets up with a wobbly shake, having spliced one or three too many mainbraces....... Offers to splice any of the ropes that need attention (as splicing is how you weave ropes together as she learnt from her nearby town where rope making was the main source of income). Can the ship be moored in Lyme Regis please, just a hop a skip and stumble away from me and ohhhhh sooooo romantic. Foggy has staggered along the Cobb (minus black cloak) in years past
weevily sea biscuits by the baggy wrinkle on the aft deck oooohhh can we raise the anchore now and set sail there is a brisque south westerly to run with and we need to be getting nearer to the equator to find the treasure. To be shore it was that dastardly pirate grim lang the richer who was taken of the Island with the water fall that old long john Friday stayed on. I did hear that there were pearls a plenty and gold ....yes gold not bold that is for washin we dont do a lot of that! So is the map in the locker down below ?
Yells weigh anchor , raise anchor or whatever you do with anchors the others will have to magically appear as we sail... Gins I think I gave you the map... Gets out her powder compact and finds it doubles as a compass, well shiver me timbers that's handy. Lets get this ship headed .. That away ... Points vaguely and hopes for the best
Is still waiting on The Cobb and obviously missed the boat and obviously the forthcoming adventure :-(. But her timbers are very definately extremely shivered .........hunts for the black cloak after all.
We are just rounding now ...leap aboard ...just don,t Leap on Charlii she's still out cold on the deck
Throws a bucket of rum over Charlii ....... No stop don't drink any of it... That's bilge water...... Looks around for rum and finds Gins slumped on a rum barrel steering the ship rather erratically towards ...a group of islands with palm trees and coconuts... Mmmmmmm Malibu... Someone grab a coconut or two as we sail past....
Is now encompassed in her black cloak with huge hood ( a la French Lieutenents Woman ) jumps and misses the boat and is freezling cold in a black heap on the shore. A man looking curiously like Jeremy Irons approaches, and takes her in his arms.
Gimme that cloak, and gimme Jeremy Irons as well, while yer at it!
Tries out hammock in crews quarters gets totally tangled in the net hammock and emerges back out on deck in fishnet stockings made out of the hammock a frilly pirate shirt and an embarrassed look
Are see pulling around into. Lyme harbour. Dr we get the French lieutenant or was that fibrofoggiest in the arms of lady moth. fighting the waves on the Cobb. Heave ho me harried we must lay to so tonight we can escape the jaws of the tv reporters waiting on the Cobb in . Pirate costume. Anyone for a cream tea.
Regains her composure and waltzes off into the distance oin the arm of the aforementioned Jeremy, having biffed moffy in a rumpus over him ( Jeremy, it would appear has gone back in time and looks as he did in Brideshead ) ahhhhh the sunset over the water, how romantic and a suitable end to her day.
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We,re all going on a floating holiday
Amazed to find someone who sees me as whole person not symptom.
Saw consultant this morning. Changed my diagnosis from RA to fibromyalgia said it's in my head!
