Sorry guys who tried to help me but i bottled it!

Well this afternoon at my little girls majorette practise im sitting outside with the other mummies trying to pluck up the courage to tell them all my gruesome ailments when something happened...i just couldnt do it! I sat there like a prize plum thinking "right in a minute im just going to announce it since i had no chance of getting the right people on their own. So i left with my daughter and said nothing...what a coward!

Sure enough at 5pm when there was no sign of me for the adult rehersals my mobile rang and rang and i didnt answer it. I am so spineless, i wish i could be more like some of you on here who stand up for themselves more. I have just read all your replies to my earlier blog and every single one of you was right....so why cant i act on your good advice?

Thank you to ;Libs, MaryT, Stepper, Summerlite< Kugagirl1, fadedblossom, malajusted, VG, KazF and of course my charliis angel Moffy!

I wish i could be stronger....im sorry......Charlii xx

17 Replies

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  • hi Charlii

    You don't need to apologise , we all want whats best for you , i am the same i think right i am not doing it anymore but next time i am asked i do.

    you had every intention of saying to them but didn't get the chance

    I felt it wrong that you were put in that position in the first place but thats committees for you

    At the end of the day its got to be whats best for YOU and yours not them.

    If they phone you just say you were asleep as the pain from your tri had kept you up so much in the night

    Its hard to do but sometimes we have to put ourselves first

    take care, warm hugs x

  • I shouldn't worry, charlii - you voted with your feet and didn't go - YOU WON!

    You don't need to say anything, you don't need to explain, but I guess they'll have got the message!

    Basically, in your quiet way you have stood up to them, so well done and a big pat on the back.

    Don't worry about the aftermath - they can't do anything to you - they should have listened to you in the first place, so they can't say you let them down.

    We're proud of you - now have a little celebration!

    Love and hops, skips and jumps ... Moffy xxx

  • Please don't apologise!! I'm no strong chick when it comes to standing up for myself, but Im always one who'd look after the needs of others. You haven't failed them, they've let you down because not one of them was able to put you before what they had in mind. Completely selfish. If one of them had listened to what you were trying to tell them, then all of this wouldn't be an issue for you. If you're asked,tell them you have health issues that restrict you but that you're happy to help out in other ways. I'm just relieved you didn't put yourself through the physical agony of it all. And don't forget you're lovely little girl understands you,who counts the most.

    Well done for leaving!! You did well to make that decision. I hope you wake in the morning realising how much of a stand you actually made for yourself. So have a restful night, sending lots of supportive hugs-S x

  • Hi chick dont feel bad its ol for us to tell , go do this go do that , we dont have to do it . I had words with a friend the other day, i meant to say it to her face but thing hapend so i tex an ran :( still same out come i carnt go clubing anymore with u im to ill . It took me 6 mounths an nearly killd me . !

    So i know im right i what ive dun just wish id of had the strenth to do it anouther way .

    Just do whats right for u that what inportent not the way u do it xx

    Good luck an do t beat yourself up about it , u have got enuf pain xx kugagirl xx

  • No need to apologise, you did the right thing for you...well done. Let's hope they get the message as you said in an earlier post you tried telling them you weren't up to it and they just didn't listen. Take care of yourself and don't worry xx

  • Hi

    Please don't beat yourself up about it as you are not alone in this type of humility.

    I have always been a introverted extrovert and that has not given me an easy time over the years.

    Whenever I have been called upon to make a speech I have only managed to mumble my way through it, and that is from my wedding, and also those where `i have been s best man as well as when I have been on work related courses, I mumble and everyone gets board so I do know what you are going through because.I have generally been ok with one to one in for instance talking to my children's teachers I have managed to get the point across at least mostly.

    Take care, good luck and kindest regards

    Terry

  • You didn't bottle it ,,,,,, if you HAD bottled it you would have gone to the practice....

    Glad you didn't pu yourself through the trauma of trying to do something that would have upset ou and you family

    VGx

  • Thank you VG and Terry for taking the time to reply to me. VG although i didnt go ive still got to face them all tomorrow night when i take my little girl to practice again but i will deal woth that tomorrow...(coward!)

    Terry, you sort of hit the nail on the head but are miles away too...confused?????

    Will try to explain.......I used to be so outgoing, i had to be in my old job. I used to have to go into peoples homes who id never met and have the confidence to talk to them and to care for their loved family member until their imminent death.Then i had to help the distraught family with death paperwork, liase with doctors and funeral directors etc, and i think you have to be very strong and confident to be able to deal with the rawest of human emotions...grief.

    Away from work i was full of it. I helped run a kids football team, i had a fantastic social life, i used to pick the kids up from school and take them to the seaside, theme parks, picnics in the park....everything,then i contracted meningitis which left me with this evil disability,.

    Now, fibro has sucked every last drop of confidence from me, i get confused, which like you say, makes me mumble and unsure of what i just said. I dont remember things i have done and said, what im supposed to be doind, where im supposed to be etc.......I tend to back down a lot from conflict...the old me would have stood up to this horrible woman and stood my ground, but then again, the old me would have been first in the queue for this adult novelty dance, and its so sad.I miss work, i miss the clients and their families and i miss me. I am always apologizing for myself, even if i dont know what ive done. For example last week i thought id make a lovely beef stew with homemade dumplings (i used to be such a good cook,another thing ive lost!) I got the diced steak out of the freezer and left it out to defrost. The following morning i couldnt find it anywhere. I went back to the freezer thinking knowing me i will have put it back but nope...mystery...until i went to empty the dishwasher...yup, i had put it on a hot wash!!!! My family are great though and my OH has the patience of a saint with me...just as well really! Charlii xx

  • Hiya, admitting our weaknesses takes so much strength which is rather ironic. Tell them in your own time and don't feel pressurised to tell them. Or you could confide in one of them and ask them to explain to the others. Don't beat yourself up there are plenty of people in this world who will do that. And in the meantime everyone on this site is here for you. Gentle hugs Suzy x

  • Charlii my dear please don't blame yourself there is no need at all. I completely understand how you feel and why you couldn't tackle these ladies or pick up the telephone. I have felt the same many times since having Fibro, I can find things very hard I wouldn't have thought twice about before and I am sure many of us feel the same. No need at all to reproach yourself one bit.

    Give yourself a bit of time, take a deep breath when you feel ready and tackle them when you feel like it. There is consolation in the fact that most things aren't nearly as awful as we think they will be and we end up feeling really relieved when we tackle them head on. There is no urgency for you to speak up, so rest, don't think about it for a while and then when the time is right you will feel up to it.

    We are always here for you, I admire you enormously for how you have come through the last few days as they were incredibly hard for you. I take my hat off to you. So well done indeed!

    Take care Charlii. (((hug))) xxx

    Libs

  • I understand totally, don't feel a failure ... I think sometimes u can't just list all your ailments, sometimes I just say there r too many things to mention, it makes u feel like a right hypochondriac doesn't it? ... U will know when it's the right time to tell them xxxxx hugs xxx

  • Charlii

    My love you did the right thing. You told them you didn't think you could do it and that silly woman should have listened.

    I would have done exactly the same thing. She will just have to accept you are poorly and cannot do it. Stay strong you did the right thing.

    Your other angel.

    Hugs Karen xxxx

  • Charlii . You are sooooo hard on yourself. If I remember rightly you did try to say you would find it difficult at the beginning. You don't have to justify yourself. It's nwot your fault if people don't listen.

    When you take your daughter and they ask you have the opportunity again to say

    Oh I'm sorry. I have a chronic illness. The spirit is willing but the body can't keep up....I can cheer you on from here though.

    Self care is really important but guilt is not our friend.

    When it comes to courage .... They say it is just fear that has said its prayers

    Well done for looking after YOUR own needs x

  • hi ,you are not spineless charlii, i know what your problem possibly is , i think it is may be the fear of rejection or /and the fear of them seeing you in a different light, i think the best thing to do rather than tell them all in a grand announcement is to sit people down and explain your health issues , tell them what your problems are and what you can't and can do and how it impacts on your everyday life, don't feel guilty for being poorly it isn't like you ordered your illness from argos catalogue,!!! if you tell a few immediate people then it will give them a better understanding when maybe you do feel too ill to do things, rather than people thinking you just can't be bothered for no reason at all and if anyone is funny with you about it then i'm sorry but you don't need people like that as part of your life, i think if you explain how things are people will be more understanding, like i say if they're not then it is of course their problem not yours,i think maybe you would be better off just telling a few of the mums at the class because then you won't constantly be getting yourself all stressed out and they won't be thinking you are acting unusual, and not knowing why!!! if you feel you can't tell them write it down and tell them you would like them to read what you have written and say you get upset talking about it,i am sure either way they will if they are worthwhile people understand,and support you if not it is there loss , bite the bullet!!! besides if you do tell them you may be suprised at the support you may get, so go for it!!,

  • p.s charlii we couldn't find the new jar of coffee the other day and of course i had put it in the bread bin!! do stuff like that all the time !!!

  • Please stop being so hard on yourself !!! I wonder how many of those people would even turn up if they had fibromyalgia ?? The answer is none ! Your doing so well just taking part in any social event !!! I've completely stopped going out in the evenings

    If I'm invited to Sunday lunch I may turn up but usually by the time the day arrives I've wound myself up so much worrying that my pain will take over !! I don't drink anymore alcohol makes me hurt more !!! So people think I'm strange !!!!

    Just enjoy your children and if you can't go to an event then don't worry there's always next time !! Take care out there xxx

  • The fact that you want to tell people shows your strength, that alone speaks volumes so why the heck are you apologising, absolutely no need to apologise. I have told people from the get go, if they do not get it then tough. They are told that I have a problem with a chemical imbalance in the brain ans as such it causes me far more pain than a person without the illness. They either get it or they don't. I won't make excuses for being ill solely because it is me that is ill not them. You will tell people in your own time, rushing yourself to do it will only stop you doing it. Take your time hunni and it will come XXXXX

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