DON'T eat the Battenburg cake

DON'T  eat the Battenburg cake

Had a personal message from Ladymoth yesterday to say that she wouldn't be around for a few hours as she had the mobile hairdresser round for a complete make over ....

Oh how lovely I said what are you having done???? Ladymoth replied I am having my hair tinted, some false eyelashes added and lengthened and my eyelids tattooed so no more need for eyeliner and it will make my eyes look bigger.... How adventurous I thought very glamorous..and I must admit I was a little envious.

Late last night I had another message with a distraught moffy asking how she could explain her appearance on the forum, so I looked at the photo she sent and said don,t worry I will issue a warning before you venture out on here today...

As you can see the tinting turned out rather bright , the eyelashes are certainly longer, and oh my Grandmother what big eyes you have... Oh sorry that's a whole different story

Anyway if you see some hairy yellow and pink Battenburg cake on the forum today, please don't eat it ..... It's Ladymoth our volunteer. Just give her a friendly wave back and hurry on....DON'T laugh

VG :D

15 Replies

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  • Morning VG! Well I think moffy looks rather lovely. It's got to be better than looking like a back end of a cow! I think gins will agree with me there!! At least there's no pain involved with moffy's new look, I've only just come off traction. Poor old gins has had to take to her bed, albeit with a few romans...The mind boggles!! But I might just ask her later if it helped, sounds an interesting new type of 'medicine' our gins is trialing!!! Any way I like moffy's new look, at least it's bright and cheerful. Though I'm not sure it's a good look for doing the weekend shop in....S x

  • Ohh Summer... sorry about the traction... Umm technically you didnt look like the back end of a cow... you WERE the back end of a cow... i am so sorry i had a GP appt or i would have let you stand up sooner ..... tries to look guilty and fails....:-/ If only Gins had spoken out sooner, instead of being greedy and keeping all the Romans to herself I would have asked her to send some round to you... Perhaps they use their swords as some ancient acupuncture... Moffy is certainly on trend as TV yesterday said neon colours are in this season....

    VG ;)

  • Have sent out for black shades and a large black cloak to cover my shame! 8-(

    I shall never be able to look at a Battenburg cake again - and it WAS my favourite!

    After the incident with the cactus prickles and everything, I was feeling in need of a pick me up, but all is not lost - I have sorted things out.

    This afternoon, I shall be travelling to Transylvania , where apparently the 'black cloak' look is 'on trend'.

    Whilst I am there I shall have extensive plastic surgery and hairdressing to remove my tattoos and excessive colouring - they're so much cheaper over there - hope they're good! Well, there's only one way to find out!

    I have found a plastic surgeon who said he could fit me in at short notice. I have an appointment at midnight, would you believe, which seems rather odd, but he is continental. I suppose I shall have to fit in with the local ways!

    I asked if he would give me a blood transfusion, 'cos they're a bit scary, and he said "Absolutely not, my dear - rather the reverse!", which is cheering, don't you think?

    He speaks very good English - well all the middle Europeans do, now, don't they - though he had a slight accent -and you'll never guess - he's a nobleman - fancy that! Count something or other - I forget, it's the fibro-fog you know, but I shall be mixing with the nobility!

    His luxury clinic is in this amazing castle, miles out in the forest, so it will be lovely and quiet. I'm really looking forward to my trip - it will be like a holiday!

    Am packing my case as we speak. I'm not allowed to take a mirror, and he reminded me not to wear a crucifix as it can offend other religions - what a thoughtful man he is! He also said that neither he nor any of his staff can bear the smell of garlic, so I'm not to eat any before setting out. Well, great men have their funny ways, don't they?

    See you later, folks - I shall be beautiful whatever the cost!

    Yours - having to go EasyJet, 'cos FibroAir haven't got a navigator!

    Dame Moffy of Battenburg xxx

  • I just hope you don,t get knocked out for the count........ And the next bad joke is.....Also please make sure you speak clearly and don't get mixed up with the woman in the next bed who has opted for a breast enlargement on the cheap..... I know you are a lady moth but I don't think you,ll be able to fly with 36 FF breasts , or if you do get airbourne they may drag on the ground..

    Yours munching on a large slice of Battenburg

    Lady VG the plain xx

  • Had to read this twice lol i thought u were series hehe love it . Id like that look myself very summery , i think ive got a dress to match if she wonts to borrow it hehe x

    Xx kugagirlxx

  • Hey kugagirl that's very kind of you to offer your dress I just hope Ladymoth reads this post before she finds herself with enormous breast implants by mistake.... I just know she's going to get confused travelling on her own ... I just hope she isn't carrying her blood donor card and that extensive plastic surgery doesn't leave her with any wounds on her neck...

    I,ve been googling Counts in Transylvania and I can't find any mention of plastic surgeons but found one with a rather dubious past involving bats and blood..

    VG x

  • I have woken feel like the sleeping beauty well feel like the count actually ! I wonder where the smell of garlic is coming from must be oh preparing super. I trust lady moth is prepared to be a Transylvania channelling I heard it is terribly expensive for the total blood transfer why oh does it regularly for a smile. You have noticed the birth mark on my neck the symbol of the channelling. Xgins

  • But what about the Roman army in your house and garden.... Please read your morning blog and save my sanity... Waiting with garlic baited breath

    VGx

  • Have arrived in Transylvania, and was picked up in a jet-black carriage drawn by six Roman soldiers - I think they must have escaped from Gin's back garden!

    I quite fancy 36FF bosom implants - don't worry about me being able to stand up, VG - if one had splendid bazookas like that you wouldn't expect to spend much time standing! (blush)

    Have stopped off at a local hostelry on the way for a delicious lunch of garlic mushrooms. I shall suck a peppermint before I meet the Count - I'm sure he won't notice!

    Tara for now ... Dame Moffy xxx

  • I have woken feel like the sleeping beauty well feel like the count actually ! I wonder where the smell of garlic is coming from must be oh preparing super. I trust lady moth is prepared to be a Transylvania channelling I heard it is terribly expensive for the total blood transfer why oh does it regularly for a smile. You have noticed the birth mark on my neck the symbol of the channelling. Xgins

  • Just flutter your eyelashes at him ,

    A) they will act as fans and blow away any smells of garlic

    B) it he does turn into a bat you can just swat him away with them

    Good luck with your surgery, will you be away for long am sending the knitted neon pink stockings from Gins in case you get chilly.

  • It has been sanctioned I unofficial No officially mad did I have Romans in my garden or just a name if they were there they have left leaving no more than a Roman name diversity the doomsayers look to your Transylvania. Xgins

  • It has been sanctioned I unofficial No officially mad did I have Romans in my garden or just a name if they were there they have left leaving no more than a Roman name diversity the doomsayers look to your Transylvania. Xgins

  • I'm very worried about Dame Moffy. I understand the idea of cheap plastic surgery is attractive (let's just hope the results are - lol!) but I'm worried about the standard of aftercare in these far flung exotic places. I've heard the beds are hard - more like coffins - there is no food supplied, and the surroundings are dark and cold. Apparently, the locals won't go near the place!

    Gins - can you send the remains of your Roman legion on a rescue mission. I'm sure that being Italian they will have lots of garlic, and red wine. Both might come in useful!

    And Moffy - if this message reaches you - make sure that any 'additional buoyancy aids' you might have fitted are airbags - not sandbags!

    Kaz

    xx

  • Oh dear! I breathed on the Count and he sort of shrieked and crumbled to dust!

    Good job I hadn't paid him!

    The Roman soldiers want to go home, they say it's too cold here, and Rome seems a better option, so I've put them on a Ryanair flight.

    They asked me to give their love to Gins, they'll be back to see her in the summer.

    Looks like I'll have to wait until my drastic makeover wears off. Pity about the huge bosoms, tho' - they might have been fun!

    Your colourfully, Moffy xxx

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