I woke up in the middle of the night (as we all do) with this going round my head. If you know Life on Mars by David Bowie, sing it along with the words below.
It's a god awful small affair,
She's stuck, she can't go nowhere.
Cos her body is yelling "no!"
And she lost her get up and her go.
And her friends are nowhere to be seen
For they think she lives in a dream.
And she stares at the same old view, as she's glued to the TV scree.
Jezza Kyle, he is such a bore,
And she seen it 10 times or more.
As he shouts in the face of fools, she is sitting there groaning, oh,
Day time TV is on again
Oh my look at that Titmarsh Go!
Then the afternoon show oh, oh, oh.
Take a look at the old girls chatting up the young guys
Oh my, see Coleen Nolan Go!
It's the last adult show, oh, oh,
Before Cbb Beeeees! Yeah.
Can’t you see on her tortured brow
That her husband thinks she’s a cow
And he thinks she’s on strike again,
Cos she can’t move for the pain.
Taking painkillers by the hoard,
From Ibruprofen to well off the board.
Rues the day she went into town,
Cos she came back all worn down
And her kids think she’s such a bore,
For she has given them all the chores
She’s about to nod off again, as she tries to focus on…
Waking… up in time to make tea
Can’t eat, sleeps some, then wakes again
To a familiar refrain (cue X factor theme tune)
Take a look at the judges beefing up the wrong guy
Oh man look at that Rylan Go!
Wonders if it will show oh, oh, oh
If she nods off agaaaaaaain, oh, oh, oh….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I think it looses a bit at the end, but I had fun making it up (at 2.00am!)
Hope you like it and it rings a few bells and makes you chuckle.