After being forced into some amazing antics over the weekend by Kaz, Gins, Libby, Sandra to name but a few I noticed pink pig (PP) was mysteriously quiet .... Thinking she might have had a relapse like Mofffy I decided to book myself in today to a local health spa for some lovely pampering and relaxation before I went into a decline myself...I phoned the spa and was told ... " sorry the whole Heath spa has been booked all yesterday and today by a V L P " a V I P I gasped excitedly , visions of Daniel Craig in trunks in the hot tub ran across my brain... No. Said the receptionist patiently , a V L P...... VERY LARGE PIG, at once I knew why PP had been so quiet. I texted her on my mobile phone ,,, a feat in itself and this is what I got back.......
Just in the jacuzzi bath relaxing before I have my pedicure . PP and she had the nerve to send a photo
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Extremelygrumpy
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Ahh now we understand WCP well content pig! To have yourself photographed in the bath is quite something all admiration to the PP LOL where did you manage to find that pic from xgins
Why Gins from PPs mobile of course.... Hides her large folder of google images under the settee... Well Content Pig she may be ......but I am one stressed out fish... I want a pamper day. Stamps her fin, flicks her tail, and swishes off.
VG x
After the excitement of the last few days - we ALL need a pamper day.
Let's have our own - Shhh - don't tell PP.
What do we need? So far I can think of mood lighting, whale music, a jacuzzi,
OK - VG - you're in charge of music.
Gins - throw something colourful over the lamp will you? No - not the gold-plated knickers - we need a BIT of light to filter through!
Lets get Princess Libby to do a crash landing in the bath - leave the propellers running - voila! instant jacuzzi.
Ok looks at the list from every angle, fibro fog descends and everything is instantly confused...
So I,ll be in a mood Gins can you get a whale into the bath and Kaz you get the light uplifting music.....
Just one small question.... If Libby crash lands into the bath with the propellers running wont she electrocute the whale and blow the lights and music.... Or is fairy power non electrical
Yours slowly sliding into meltdown
Lady VG x
Oh, VG, you need emergency pampering.
Call the paramedics, paralegals, paratroopers.... oh yes, paratherapists!
Rally round troops - Lady VG is in need of TLC. Preferably from some hunky male masseur - now where are we going to find one of those. I bet Moffy's hiding one somewhere. Moffy? Come out, come out, wherever you are!
Can I HRH PARAchute in and take me Somewhere Comforting or is he still at yours Kaz after he so manfully caught you last night when Sandra dropped you from a great height.... I didn't tell her to drop you honest , crosses fingers behind back and looks shiftily at the text message still on her phone to Sandra ......
knowing Moffy she has probably found a secret way into the spa and is having a manicure right about now.
Waits hopefully singing... Some day my prince will come
I'm afraid Prince H. is at my place doing the washing up. I am somewhat out of order at the moment, with a poorly wrist, so HRH is literally being my 'right-hand man'.
The hunky male masseur IS here, but unfortunately I think he bats for the other team as he spends all his time admiring the Royal Buns.
They are definitely worth admiring, I must say!
Prince H. - blissfully unaware of the stirrings he is causing, is scrubbing pans, playing boats with the gravy jug, and singing 'All the nice girls love a Pilot'. He's rather a simple soul, but a dear boy nonetheless.
I am just going to get the masseur organised with the vacuum cleaner, then I'm off through my secret tunnel to the spa. I'm having a mani/pedi - I gather PP is having her trotters polished! They do fish pedicures, too, Lady VG - they must have known you needed your fins trimmed and blow-dried!
If you want to join us, the entrance to my tunnel is under the dustbin at the back of Tesco. Please don't let Libs fly the 'plane into the tunnel, or she'll cause a blockage,
See you all later - bring a bottle and some cream cakes!
I,m not going to even ask HOW you sprained your right wrist... The thoughts flashing before my eyes are too horrendous to post publicaly . But I am sure the words pole and dancing come into it somewhere....
My mobilty scooter is charged and I will whizz up shortly, I will grab a bottle and some cream cakes from Tesco then I can legitimately abandon my scooter in their car park while I sort through their bins trying to find the secret tunnel
Please inform the staff my fins are very delicate and need careful drying or they tend to stand on end at strange angles...
Hmmmm do it tell the others of the secret tunnel...... Well it is secret .... So I shall blame you Lady M for MAKING. Me keep it a secret
Mwahhhhhhahhh
Yours whizzing towards tesco at 1mph
Lady VG x
Too late to delete all references to bins, Tescos and secret tunnels. I'm on the case. I shall find my way to the spa to join you all. Just popping in to get some supplies. A bottle of something fizzy and something sweet and squishy should do very nicely.
Although being claustrophobic I don't like tunnels, I shall try very hard not to have a panic attack halfway through. But just in case can you please release a fireman or two to come to my rescue!
Mind the round about VG do keep in lane, I am on your right hand shoulder about to over take yes the tats me the masked maruder about to launch myself into a mad shopping spree so I can fis the lights so they become dimable, so dont worry I will grab the cream cakes you can just head for home get the kettle on. (little does she know I bring a scottish masseur in a kilt he should do the trick a little pampering from a guy who is sooooooooo fit (pants slightly) By the by we built the tunnel so it is old hat but the jacussi is arriving shortly we can all sink into it and float away to the sound of the young man with his pipes. oh how yummy si xginsnk into him he is gorgeous
So that was who cut me up at the roundabout with a man in a kilt blown up round his ears...on the back...... I nearly crashed taking a good look...... HA PP thought she could hide away from us and we are all about to gate crash her spa day ,,,, AND she's paying for it all
Bahhhh ... I mean hurrahhhh... It is a very very tiny tunnel Kaz so you might want to turn back now.... Or let me go first so I get my fins fluffed then we can phone for the firemen to get you out of the tunnel at closing time.....
The best way to take on tiny tunnels is with an open bottle of wine .... And DON'T eat the cream cakes till the end
I got that useful tip no 775 from mrs Beatons handy house, garden and small tunnels book
You,ll have to shout your reply I am in the fin fluffer and its rather noisy
That picture is amazing VG, I have just pulled myself together from laughing at it!
PP how could you be so bold! Where on earth is your other leg, I didn't realise you were so flexible!
VLP - not sure PP will be chuffed about that, but it's a relief it wasn't a VPL (Visible Panty Line) because Moffy would be responsible for that with her gold plated lingerie, bless her.
Love this post, really needed a good chuckle today even if it's at our lovely PP's expense, bless her trotters xxxxx
VPL would not be good especially as Sandra disguised as a large white budgie yesterday pecked a hole in one pair ... Knowing PPs luck that's the pair she would be wearing...
Now Libby are you going to spend all day rummaging in that bin or enter the one on your right which is the secret tunnel... Treat yourself to the works PP is paying
Over there, through the door marked exit.....watches as Kaz lurches outside..... Oh dear looks like you will have to come back in through the tunnel......
Hah! Tunnels hold no fear for me - for I am Kaz the fearless - armed only with my trusty bottle of wine, I can face anyth....
Hang on - where's my bottle of wine? I'm sure I had one here just now.
Oh, yes, silly me - here it is. [Giggles and grins sheepishly as she notices it in her hand]
Right, Jacuzzi Here I come - hold onto your beard Hagrid!
Gahhh I just realised what I did ... Instead of pushing you out the exit door I exited myself off the site, see you later I am going to get my gills glittered
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