Rules of Life

1. Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.

2. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

3. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

4. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

5. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

6. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

7. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

8. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

9. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

10. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

11. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

12. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

13. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

14. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

15. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

16. Someone who thinks logically provides nice contrast to the real world.

17. There is a very fine line between ‘hobby’ and ‘mental illness.’

18. You should not confuse your career with your life.

19. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

20. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

21. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

22. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

23. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that deep down inside we ALL believe we are good drivers.

24. Your friends love you anyway.

8 Replies

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  • So so true...... :D

  • That is wonderful, thank you for making me giggle :D Foggy x

  • thats great xx

  • Best laugh I've had since VG caught her fins in the mangle! :O

    Moffy x

  • Your photo is misleading Moffy. You look so sweet and innocent, when in actual fact you are rather evil ;)

  • Heehee - Sweet and innocent? Moi? Never! :D

    Moffy x

  • brilliant! I especially loved the one about the garage/car :-)

  • Spot on Happy Easter xgins :)

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